The show went really well despite the fact that I didn’t get there until 1/2 hour before house open and completely missed tech. I never do that. (And YOU should never do that guys. It’s bad. I had a school emergency tho).
So yeah, had no idea where my marks were or how we were spacing for the stage or what the floor was like (SO many turns, so high a risk).
BUT, Maki (troupe director) told me beforehand, “Just be confident and emotional. You perform a lot, you’ll be fine.” And I suddenly DID feel like I’ve performed a lot, and would be fine. And I was.
But seriously, y’all, never miss tech.
I’m way in the back, checking what everyone else was doing (the theme of this show, basically). photo credit: bae
Oh and then my music cut out at one point but I kept going, and when I watched the video later it was kinda funny. (Cee Lo’s Fool for You, and I’m linking to the version with Melonie Fiona because it’s da bomb dot com).
Some spacing issues buuuuut, not bad for how nervous we were! 😀
Really excited for the next show because our new choreo is inspired by the gang (lite) movie The Warriors, and our custom is basically tribal fusion street wear (re: black pants and BASEBALL CAPS, wheeeee). Of course I was thrilled about this because it’s just the excuse I needed to own snapback… which I immediately bought from a street vendor two blocks away from the studio on the way home from rehearsal. THAT IS HOW EXCITED I WAS TO BUY A SNAPBACK.
It feels really good to finally own some Brooklyn swag because I’ve earned it. This fall marks my 8th anniversary in BK… and I have yet to live in Williamsburg, Prospect Park, or Park Slope! (So far it’s been Bed Stuy (2 places), Clinton Hill, Fort Greene (but like, the bad side of Myrtle), Sunset Park/Borough Park (where I famously got groped), and finally, Bay Ridge).
Oh, this is off topic, but ALSO on my home last night (after my snapback purchase) I saw this severely-injured looking mannequin at a TopShop in Soho. Like, what happened here?
It’s not 1994 anymore, why are we still seeing Skeletors in store windows? Just saying.
I don’t know about you guys, but I really can’t afford their normal $40/1.5 hour class rate, so I am ALL OVER IT.
Also, out of towners–they do “staycation” packages where you can train as much as you want during a weeklong visit, and THAT is on sale too. Worth looking into!
Is it a matter of context? Lighting? The costumes? The camera taking the photos?
I’ve been working out 5 days a week for a few months now, and the night of this show, I remember feeling really good, totally comfortable in my costume, but a little worried that my makeup was too heavy. During the actual dance I felt connected to the music, fierce and emotive in my facial expressions, and 100% in the moment. Muscle memory is a wonderful thing.
And then I was tagged in photos from the show and I just see BLECHHHHHHH. Why am I barefaced?! Dead in the eyes? And don’t even get me started on body stuff. I’m actually self-conscious now that my arms are too… big. Not even flabby or anything, just, large. Over-sized. Not delicate.
Am I fucked in the head? Because it’s super annoying to spend so much time busting your ass learning choreo, training to stay in shape, and primping for a show only to dread photo-evidence of it forever afterward.
Should I get ribs removed and arm liposuction? Should I just stop performing?
Yeah yeah, I already know the answer: I just need get over it and roll on. But please someone, commiserate with me. What is it about performing that makes everything seem hopelessly not good enough?
Body paranoia aside, I’m pretty damn excited that we got to do a $40-a-ticket show in New York City on a REAL STAGE with REAL LIGHTING. I’ll try to be less of a brat here, because wow, what an opportunity. And I’m so proud of our group!! We really did rally and do a great show, despite last minute choreo and blocking changes. #pros 😉
In terms of pole, though, I can’t imagine doing this someday alone, in a smaller costume, and with literally much higher stakes (if you screw up you FALL, ahhhh). Even without the body stuff (EEK, really, in a bikini?!!) the pole adds so many new variables to things that can go wrong. The hand sweat alone… I can’t even.
Ladies who have done shows, are you prone to photo-induced mini breakdowns? How did you get over it? Do you ever have those feelings right before a show that your choreo is boring and no one should watch it? (I have this thought before EVERY show. Not helpful, brain).
As many of you know, I had a belly dance show a few weeks ago. Like, a big one. $40 bucks a ticket, with Bellyqueen, in a theater.
I was not supposed to be in this show.
I did not want to be in this show.
(Okay, I kind of did, but I never expected to have the chance, and I was NOT prepared).
What I WAS supposed to do was be an understudy/warm body for use as a placeholder during rehearsals. In exchange for helping with formations (ie. filling in the empty spots of out-of-town-dancers to help the New York-based ones learn their blocking), I was to get the opportunity to learn all the routines, network with other dancers, and bask in the general excitement of preparing for a SHOW.
It did not work out the way I expected.
For one thing, no one had time to teach me the actual routines. Thus, instead of being a helpful, moving cog, I was a stumbling mess the other dancers had to trip over. The dancers did not appreciate this.
On top of that, I realized that once the show got closer, the twice-a-week rehearsals I had promised to be at were increasing to DAILY ones, from the hours of 10am to 6pm.
Um. You guys. I have a job. Not really possible.
By the time I saw this coming, I had already been named a “worm” in the show–not as an insult, as an actual role! The director was getting nervous about giving the undesirable yet crucial part to a dancer who was arriving in NYC just days before the show. Since being a “worm” involved lying on the floor wrapped in a piece of silk, and then being unwrapped, I didn’t really see a reason to say no. It seemed foolproof, and it was a way to be genuinely helpful after all the stumbling.
LOLOLOL spoiler alert: it was NOT foolproof.
Here’s a list of the ways this went wrong just in rehearsals (it went wrong during the performance in unprecedented ways):
1. I “unraveled” too far away from the group, ended up way on the other side of the stage alone (separated from the other worms), where the other dancers had to hop over me
2. My unraveler couldn’t find the end of my silk, and thus could not unwrap me
3. One of the other worms kicked me in the face, and I couldn’t get away from her because that was the direction I was being unraveled in
4. The end of the silk got caught around my neck as the dancers wound their ends of the fabric in a fast, tight twist, which was… scary, but let’s face it, also kind of hilarious in an awful, dangerous way.
5. In dress rehearsal, I discovered that the light reflected off the hood I was wearing under my silk which rendered me completely blind
(This blindness thing is important later, during the actual show).
So, the last weeks leading up to the performance were a disaster. Everybody was stressed out, under-rehearsed, and (it felt like) pissed off at me for never being able to be at rehearsals (NB: I took SO much time off of work to the point where I was barely able paid my rent last month, but, I get that it still looked like diva behavior to the other chicks that I rolled in for only half of a practice when everyone else was there all day).
And then I saw the costume.
I immediately realized why it was hard to find somebody already in the cast who wanted to do this: A tight, shiny body suit, with black tights, black plastic mask, hood, and of course, several yards of tightly wrapped silk that were hot and intensely claustrophobic.
The worms were set early: we had to lay on our sides during the “entr’acte” music, and then during the first half of the number before our “deaths” and unravelment.
To my great relief, I did NOT panic or throw up (even though my elbow was pressing directly into my stomach in the position I was staged on the floor in, and I was feeling hot and panicky and nervous). I was also unraveled without being strangled, and I hit my mark at the point of “death” like a champ.
Great! Time for lights down, where we would sneak off stage and I could relax for the rest of Act 1.
Except, the lights did not go down.
I waited an extra moment. They didn’t go down.
OH FUCK OH FUCK WHY ARE THE LIGHTS STILL ON.
I lifted my head a little to check the other dancers, but couldn’t seen them through my hood, which was bouncing the light from the spotlights that were STILL ON US.
Did I mention I was lying, ass-facing-the-audience, in a unitard?
After what felt like hours, I heard the music change for the next scene–still with no lights-down–and hopped to my feet, run-limping off stage.
I kept thinking, at least stay in character! But how does a dead silk worm leave the stage? So I limped? Kinda? While also running because I didn’t want people to look at my body in a shiny unitard?
It was a tough call.
Anyway, here’s what my ass looked like moments before everything went horribly wrong:
A photographer named Brian Lin took this. Holla! (PS. that’s my ass, front and center, in case you were wondering).
I wish I could say I learned something from this experience, beyond, “Go with it,” but really, that’s my takeaway.
The thing is, it’s show biz, and everybody’s having shit go wrong, and nobody cares what went wrong with your particular shit. To the worms, being EXTREMELY well-lit in shiny body suits was the worst thing possible. But, the rest of the cast barely raised an eyebrow, the audience noted and forgot it, and the lighting director probably didn’t even realize he’d messed up, because the next night, the exact same thing happened. This time, though, we were prepared, and we perfectly executive a back-up plan to crawl off in unison.
So I guess the moral of the story is, expect the unexpected, and laugh about shit you can’t control.
And if nothing else, trying wearing a mask and a unitard for all of your performances so you can deny it was you later!*
*this won’t work for pole.
Do you guys have any performance horror stories?
I was recently doing a few tricks outside for the 3rd Avenue Festival in Brooklyn when it started drizzling… and a wet pole=having to give up on a few moves, and sliding around a little. But overall, I have yet to TOTALLY embarrass myself on the pole. Please somebody share a story and make me feel better.
Scene from our run-through on Sunday (I’m on the right, kneeling). I was an hour late to the 10am-6pm practice because I tried to go to a birthday party AND have drinks with a date the night before–after 8 hours of rehearsing on Saturday, of course.
ALRIGHT FINE. So I picked on 300 sandwiches girl before realizing, yeah, I’m kind of an overachieving people-pleaser like that too.
It’s kind of like being a really desperate actress who gets dismissed from an audition and just won’t accept it. “You want sexier? I can do sexier!!! You need a German accent? I CAN DO THAT. Someone who makes expertly crafted sandwiches? Hang on, let me go to the library and get a book on that, BRB.”
Lately I’ve been racing back and forth between my day job, Bellyqueen rehearsals, coffee with a guy I like (and am trying to impress while sweaty and exhausted and adjusting my outfit on the way back to work–yes, we have to get our coffee to go because I was supposed to be back at the office 10 minutes ago, ahhh), day job again, dance classes, Fireblossoms rehearsal, night job, night course, work study, pole classes, more dates with boys I am trying to impress while scattered and exhausted… and y’all, I am THISCLOSE to failing at all of it, at any given time.
I can feel it–that little wobble on the tightrope. The expression on somebody’s face when I have to apologize yet again for having to leave early or arrive a little late. The schizophrenic list of shit I have to do the next day that flashes through my head just before I fall asleep, like that creepy scene in a Clockwork Orange, and I get so overwhelmed that I start thinking about calling in sick to everything because it’s too, too much. The Failure is lurking, waiting for me to slip up.
Luckily, it’s almost over; the Bellyqueen show is Friday and Saturday. But it’s really made me question why I do this to myself. I overbook, over-commit, overload, all the time. Why? WHYYYYYY.
Why do I put all this pressure on myself to have a date after a 14 hour day, and look perfect and act charming when I’m exhausted?
Why does it feel wrong to have 3 hours to myself at home, alone? Like I should be anywhere, doing anything else?
Why do I have to throw achievement in my bucket at all times to feel like a full person?
The voice in the back of my head is always saying, “Do more, work harder, be better,” and if I’m honest with myself, if I had a boyfriend who really liked sandwiches, I would probably be doing that on top of everything too.
Balls. I can’t be the only one like this… right?
Are you guys overachievers too? How do you decide which stuff to prioritize? When does pole start falling by the wayside–when you have a hot date, or only when work stuff comes up?
Quick, enjoy this clip of 1980’s Xanadu while I come up with some stuff to tell you about!
I hope that was sufficiently weird for everyone.
So. HAI!!! I MISSED YOU GUYS!!!
You know how sometimes you go through periods of talking about stuff and not really doing it, and then you go periods of doing stuff and not really talking about it?
I have been doing the latter, and you guys would be SO proud of me. I feel like an actual… dancer. This is sort of what my schedule has been like (post day-job, naturally):
Mondays: 2 hours belly dance (class and a Fireblossom’s rehearsal)
Tuesday: Night job… with a little stretching and Fireblossom’s routine running as soon as my shift is up (I work in a gym with small dance studio area)
Wednesday: 3 hours Bellyqueen rehearsal (for the upcoming Silk Roads show), followed by an hour of pole class
Thursday: Night class! I’m learning Digital Marketing, you guys! No dancing 😦
Friday: 3 hours Bellyqueen rehearsal, an hour of pole class
Saturday: Flexibility class, pole class, Fireblossoms routine drilling with K
Sunday: Pole class, hoop class, hula hoop class (this is my work study day so I hang out at the studio for several glorious hours and sneak into classes, muhahahaha)
…And then I wake up very sore on Monday and do it all over again. Oh and I’ve been RUNNING. Wat?!!! I truly have no idea what’s gotten into me lately. I just feel very in my body and out of my head lately. It’s cool.
Anyway, here’s some stuff I learned about constantly exercising:
1. Stretching after is MANDATORY
I’m not really a huge fan of stretching before a workout unless it’s part of an official warm up. But after, when I’m all warm, and I know I’m gonna be stiff for the next very full day of stuff tomorrow? You bet your ass I’m stretching. Also, not stretching when you’re all warm and don’t have to be anywhere? Wasted flexibility-building opportunity.
2. Eating is TOTALLY mandatory
I started noticing that two hours into Bellyqueen’s 3 hour rehearsals is impromptu dancer lunch time… and I was the only one not eating while everybody else was busting out sandwiches and fruit salads n’shit. These girls dance for a living, so I think it’s safe to take their cue on making time to fuel up.
3. You really have to listen to your body
I have so much physical stuff going on that I really can’t afford to get injured right now. I’m learning to take my ego out of it and walk away from a pole move if I can feel I’m not getting it and it’s straining the wrong places. You can always try again tomorrow, it’s not that serious. And it’s certainly not worth having an arm or a leg out of commission for a week.
So what has everybody else been up to?! Any new developments? I’m working on my extended butterfly, flying choppers (yes, the ones that gave me a car crash bruise last year), some spin combos, and my archnemesis, aerial choppers (I think I finally have it on my left side, it’s just… very slow). I’m also trying to trap/shoulder-mount out of inverts instead of sliding to help build those core muscles up and get more control. So far so good!
-I met a boy, which was okay, and then great, and then meh.
-I got a fantastic opportunity to work on a Bellyqueen show coming up (which is an unbelievable learning experience–BALANCING A CANE ON MY HEAD LIKE A BOSS–but it’s a 6 hour weekly commitment).
And thus… I’ve made it to exactly 2 pole classes in two weeks. 😐
Oh, and then to put a cherry on top of a banner week, in the last two minutes of my 10 hour work day at my gym job over the weekend, I opened a washing machine full of our towels and discovered someone had shit on them.
Like literally.
Somebody shit on the towels.
I have a lot of questions about this, but mainly the situation just made me instantly really tired. Like, seriously? So close to going home and now I have to figure out what to do with an arm full of wet, shitty towels?
(We threw them away, in case you were wondering. But not before I had an existential moment in the laundry room, just staring at them with my mouth open).
Anyway, I’m really focused on learning tons of new choreo for the Bellyqueen show, working extra hours at my nights-and-weekends-job (so I can afford the time off from my day job that the show rehearsals require), and as much as I want to be in the pole studio I’m just so… exhausted. I caaaaaaaaaan’t.
The one class I took last week (SIX DAYS AGO… I HAVE NOT TOUCHED A POLE IN SIX DAYS) was great, but I made it suck because I was mentally checked out. Ie. not trying very hard, giving up quickly, being kind of a whiny pain in the ass… (“it huuuuuuuurts!”)
It’s just that when I’m tired, pole feels felt like one more item to tick on my to-do list before I can watch SATC with a sandwich and collapse.
(NB: My desire to watch SATC all the time when I’m burnt out is extra ironic because Chris Noth lives in the building I work at. So I’ll just look at him like GOD CHRIS NOTH CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE SO I CAN GO HOME AND WATCH YOU HURT SARAH JESSICA PARKER’S FEELINGS???). Eh. I just want what I want, okay?
Bad attitude, I know.
And yet I haven’t adjusted it. Even now I’m like lol I won’t be able to do a push up in a week if I keep this up, too bad, guess I won’t change anything I’m doing! SANDWICHES AND NETFLIX PLS.
Maybe I just need a lil’ more rest and I’ll be back in the game soon. I hope. If not, someone please help force me 😐
The funny thing is, I’m still poling in my head constantly and finding lots of great new music (playlist coming soon). So until then, I HEARD THIS SONG AND I CAN’T WAIT TO FLOW TO IT WHEN I GET MY ACT TOGETHER: (ps. is it just me or is Marvin Gaye having a moment?)
So I was having a beer with a friend the other night.
After the show! (Re: sweaty, and I took my false eyelashes off)
Okay a couple of beers.
Okay, four.
But, he has a smartphone (like everybody else in the world, but to me that’s like having Google Glasses), and since he missed the February belly dance show in St. Mark’s Place, we looked up the video.
So, full disclosure, I had not watched the video.
This is not an accident.
I am terrified of this video. K has seen it and had a few mild criticisms (timing was off in a few places, hands didn’t match, she’s very contained in her style and I’m very showy). But every time I think of the show, I think of something the girl going on after us said backstage, as soon as we came off.
“Oh heeeey… that was really…. cute. How long have you been dancing for?”
If you speak dance you know that the translation back into normal English looks something like this:
“Oh heeeey… you guys are total amateurs. When did you take your first class? A week ago or just a few days? Now outta my way bitches, the show’s really about to be on.”
Okay, I’m exaggerating, but that’s how it feels when you’re already nervous to be half naked, you KNOW you blanked out on at least 4-5 seconds of choreo, and you’re having a fat day.
No bueno.
Anyway, I finally watched the video, and I saw some things that weren’t perfect, but I also saw a big smile on my friend’s face.
He liked it.
And you know what? I liked it too. It was cute, damn it.
The best part was, K and I looked like we were having fun. Somebody in the audience kept screaming “ME LIKEY” and I couldn’t help cracking up, which is so awesome and totally visible in the video. I think that’s what I’m going to remember most about this experience: being terrified under blinding lights, feeling nervous and shaky as hell, and then suddenly letting go and laughing at “ME LIKEY.” Because IT IS FUN TO DANCE. Go figure… through all the sweat and anxiety,long hours of practicing and criticizing and agonizing, it all becomes fun again when you share it with people.
Anyway, here’s just a short clip because this isn’t a pole show, but, it is performance oriented, and I learned a lot about enjoying dancing, regardless of perfection. (It’s surprisingly hard to remember sometimes that we do this because it’s fun, amirite??)
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 