Pole movies, music, and crosstraining
So, my birthday is tomorrow. I’m turning the big 2-7.
Funny enough, as vain and terrified as I am of Olderness, I don’t really feel my normal birthday dread this year.
I think that’s because for many of my other bdays, I remembering feeling not quite “ready” to be regarded at certain level of maturity or accomplishment that the new number represented.
Not this year. Frankly, I lived the SHIT out of 26 to 27.
So much has happened. I feel like for the first time in my adult life, I stopped settling for the Bunny Hill. I did things that terrified me. I made myself vulnerable. I got hurt (like, emotionally, but also literally face-planting from the pole). And throughout all that, I discovered a freakin’ gold mine of strength I had no idea I had, and that I’m totally keeping. You can’t have it back, universe, SUCK IT.
Anyway, I’m on a train to Boston right now, feeling very reflective, and I want to be a big sap and share some of my Life Lessons (TM) with you guys. And please share yours too, if you have them, or feel free to tell me I’m full of crap on any of this 😉
1. “Good enough” is GREAT
If you fixate on perfection, it discourages you from the messy process of trying. It’s so much better to aim at 60-80% perfect, be happy with yourself, and come back to nail it later.
2. It’s a long process, so you have to celebrate the small stuff
The little victories are so huge, and we work hard for them. Take a picture, take a moment… enjoy small successes, or pole’s going to start feeling like a slog.
3. You don’t need someone else’s permission
You know what? I think nobody (excepting sociopaths) feels like they’re totally worthy of being where they are–whether it’s in a certain job, on the front pole next to the instructor in class. Accept the feeling that you aren’t good enough to be where you are, and feel the gentle breeze as it passes over and away from you. Then do what you were doing anyway, like a fucking boss. That’s how you get to feeling like you belong: by acting like it.
4. You should really let other people help you
Harder than it sounds, I know. But this is the stuff of friendships, memories, and big leaps in progress.
5. Help other people
(This will also increase the likelihood and frequency of the above happening).
6. Make mistakes with passion
FAIL BIG, baby. It’s the only way.
7. Correct mistakes with a sense of humor
Whoops, no one saw that, right? You can get away with murder with a smile and a little humility.
8. You should always act like you know what you’re doing
This is how you gain respect. (You can always ask questions later).
9. Watch others, and learn everything you can from them
Not just the YouTube stars–watch your teachers, your classmates, first-timers. You can learn something from ANYONE.
10. Not every day has to be a breakthrough day
11. To really get ahead, you gotta USE EVERYTHING
This is where #3 comes in: if you always feel like you’re the least knowledgeable, capable person in the room (as I chronically do), you have the advantage of having no shame when it comes to seizing opportunities and resources. Save interesting songs you hear at parties. Stay after class to watch the instructors play. Volunteer to be a pole cleaner at your studio’s shows. Absorb every sight, every sound–you never know which experiences will click in to shape and inspire you, but they can’t ever, ever hurt.
12. There is strength in vulnerability
This was a big lesson for me: letting go of the need to prove something when I was trying to learn. I.e. only ever doing my tried and true moves during freestyles. But attempting stuff you suck at in class is the best way to get helpful feedback.
13. We’re all stronger than we realize
Never buy into “I can’t.” We dig the strength out of strange places. You have to believe it’s in there somewhere or your body won’t let you try hard enough to do it. Trap mounts, I’m looking at you.
14. Being 50% “there” in the studio is a 100% waste of your time
It’s only an hour. You can read your texts later (he’ll still be there, I promise). But you can’t expect big gains without being fully PRESENT in the studio, mind and body both.
15. It’s a waste of time comparing yourself to others when you could be learning from them
Every time I used to see dancers doing things I wasn’t doing, my immediate reaction was “OH CRAP I’VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG.” Funny thing is, I realized other people were watching my routines and thinking the same thing. Ditch the insecurity and absorb other styles and ideas.
16. What other people think means DOG SHIT
Starting pole has really, really helped me grow past my crippling fear of What Other People Will Think of Me. Face it: if you do literally anything out of the ordinary, people will talk. They will get nervous and confused. They’ll take little jabs at what you’re doing, because that’s how they express fear and discomfort. That’s on them, not you. And it’s temporary. When the dust settles, all that will be left is the brave, exciting, fulfilling life you’ve carved out for yourself.
17. Videotape yourself
I video tape almost every practice session at home now, and I always learn something. Painful, but very, very useful.
18. To break the cycle of haterade, you need to give back
Preach the good word of confidence, self-expression, and Bad Bitchitude.
19. Let people be there for you
I went through something really rough this year. And being a Check Your Shit at the Studio Door type, it didn’t occur to me that my dance friends might want to know what was going on with me and offer support. After weeks of struggling on my own, I finally broke down in front of one of my friends. She gave me her full attention and understanding for the 10 minutes I sobbed everything out, and not to sound new agey, but it was so freakin’ healing. I wish I did it months earlier, and then maybe I wouldn’t have had to go cry in the changing rooms during rehearsal and pretend I was taking a phone call. Just kidding, that totally didn’t happen. *Cough*
20. Moping needs a time limit
Case in point: I cried to my friend for 10 minutes, got a drink (of water, heh), and then rehearsed with her for two hours, laughing through most of it. It’s okay to give negative feelings your full attention sometimes, even in the studio. Just remember to keep it finite. You have better things to do with your energy!
21. No single experience defines you
This goes for successes as well as failures.
22. Learning to recover from a mistake is a wiser use of your time than trying to make everything perfect
(and hope nothing out of your control happens… ha!)
23. Get back on the horse when you fall
Immediately. SHOW THAT POLE WHO’S BOSS. Before it gets all big and scary and tries to intimidate you..
24. But babying yourself a little is good too
This is supposed to be fun, after all. Allow yourself recovery when you need it, or you risk burnout. (I teetered on the edge of this many times this year).
25. Continuously challenging your comfort zone is the only cure for boredom
New music, new moves, new positions–okay now I’m just quoting 50 Cent. You get the idea. You have to get a little uncomfortable to avoid getting TOO comfortable, ya get me?
26. You don’t have to feel guilty about doing nothing
A little white space now and then gives inspiration room to grow.
and finally:
27. You can’t stay young, but you can pack each year of your life as fully as you can
Life has started to feel like it’s speeding up a bit. So, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting scrappy. I’m gonna go get it. I’m going to live a little more like I’m dying, because heck, we are, aren’t we?
❤ and happy, happy twirls,
Cathy
So here’s how you know you’ve made it: somebody goes to the trouble of creating a temporary email account just so they can say something generically mean on your tiny pole blog. (You’re a slut who is dumb! and ugly! You are an ugly, dumb slut! (paraphrasing, but you get the idea)).
I mean, honestly, I’m flattered. I’ve been hungry for like, an hour, and I’m not eating yet because I can’t be bothered to stand up and retrieve the apple I know I have in the fridge.
And this person created a WHOLE EMAIL ACCOUNT.
FOR ME.
But, gentle troller, here’s what I take issue with:
(in list form, of course):
1. You called me a “jump off” and I had to look it up for the privilege of being insulted.
No lie, I had to use urban dictionary because I didn’t know what a jump off was. All for the reward of having my feelings mildly hurt. What’s so wrong with the word “whore,” amirite?
2. You said I should apologize for my face. That’s fair, but then I had to go and find a picture of my face to post and it was time consuming and reminded me of an unsavory date.
Just to respond to this statement in a smart ass fashion, I had to dig through my camera for an actual close up photo of my face, of which I have very, very few. I found this one, which I took before a blind date a couple of weeks ago because I liked my eye makeup (ironically, it didn’t really show up in the two photos).
Anyway, I’m annoyed because now I’m looking at this photo, and I’m remembering how awkward that date was, because I got there and the guy was soooo obviously gay, but didn’t seem to know it, and I just kept ordering drinks and asking questions about his job because POLITENESS.
Wait what were we talking about? Oh yeah, sorry for my face!
3. You called me dumb and that offends me on behalf of pole dancers
Le sigh.
Listen, I’m really not insecure about being smart or dumb, or whatever.
I was a bookworm in school. I took calculus and read heavy books and learned to fly a plane and got scholarships, etc, not that any of that matters. To be frank, this whole sexy girl-on-a-pole identity is pretty new to me, so it’s almost flattering to be called something akin to a slut. I have literally never been called that. It’s… interesting.
But I think it’s super lame for girls put other girls in one of same two, age-old categories: smart and unattractive, or sexy and dumb.
I mean, I guess you put me in the sexy category because of the jump-off thing, (thanks!), but poo on you for doing the same, boring ol’ stereotype thing I know you wouldn’t want done to you: one-dimensionalizing multi-dimensional people because they have vaginas. And possibly because you’re threatened by their sexy(ish?) pole dancing hobbies.
That sucks, please don’t do that.
If it freaks you out that sometimes girls do sexy things like pole dance and ALSO make complete sentences, welp, that sucks. Because it’s very reflective of a society that makes us choose every day: smart or sexy. Dumb or ugly. Winning or losing. It makes us scared and cagey about what each of us has got to offer. I get that.
But I still think it doesn’t have to be that way.
Anyway, to EVERYBODY: thank you for reading, thank you for commenting (nice or mean, feedback is always so exciting and appreciated), and thank you, troller, for helping me toughen up a little. I hope that if you’re going through something that’s bumming you out, or you had an experience that made you dislike pole girls, it works out. We’re not so bad, I promise.
Love and happy twirls,
Cathy
Several things I learned about hoop:
1. The hoop will fit neatly in your butt crack and that’s just something you’ll have to get used to.
2. OPEN SPACE OH GOD THE FALLING OPTIONS
3. Shorts are the enemy of hoop, so you have to wear pants or leggings! Except when you are wearing leg warmers then go ahead, ps. DAT ASS. (Leg warmers and shorts are a good look).
4. Sometimes the hoop turns and you get le crotch shot:
5, THIS is extremely difficult and you shouldn’t do it unless you are named Lauryn and have been hooping for 3 years. LAURYN I HATE YOU YOU ARE INCREDIBLE.
SHE FREAKING TURNED THE HOOP SIDEWAYS.
Gravity not applicable, nothing to see here.
But seriously, here’s some takeaways:
6. Abs, you guys. This is the best pole cross training ever because it’s like HIGH STAKES pole, with a balance challenge. Like, if pole were a squat, hoop would be that squat on a wobble board. Also, the squat is performed on the ledge of a high building and you could totally die. Am I making sense?
Anyway, my core was super engaged as I performed the already tough poses with the added work of trying in vain to control the motion of the hoop. (Give up, you can’t), which brings me to my next point:
7. Swinging around is fun. WHEEEE. Except when you can’t stop it. The swinging on a hoop is not a neat, predictable motion you can sort of control like a spin pole. It is just 360 degrees of nausea. I mean fun. I mean, good, nauseous fun. It is really a blast to twirl on purpose though, and like spin pole, your extensions can regulate speed while your legs are totally free to pose. Cool!
8. There’s a definitely mind-f**k aspect to the height thing. Which surprised me, because i’m upside down on a pole a lot of the time. But as Lauryn, who also poles, said, there’s something psychologically calming about having a point of contact to the ground in pole.
Which leads me to my next lesson:
9. Hoop is not for wimps. I hopped off like 4 times because I got spooked. BUT, it’s kinda good for a thrill if you’re feeling a little blase about pole, and bonus: you’ll never feel more secure on a pole in your life as after you’ve hopped down from a hoop. On the topic of a different kind of fear, here’s another hoop benefit: you can post your pics ANYWHERE, because no stigma! Yay! And with your pole training, you know they’re going to look dope. Sigh, hoop is so pretty. That said…
10. It’s so much harder to look graceful on a hoop than seasoned performers like Lauryn make it look. Especially transitioning in and out of poses which, SURPRISE, is one of the harder aspects of pole as well. Hoop and pole… not so different after all? LET’S ALL THE AERIALISTS JUST HOLD HANDS AND CHANT BECAUSE WE ARE SISTERS.
So, do you guys do other aerial arts to cross train? This was seriously an awesome strength workout with tons of flexibility potential, so I’d love to keep up with it. I could have done without all of the banging in personal places though, which brings me to my 11th and final takeaway about hoop:
11. Beware when choppering from the side of a hoop.
Just, trust me.
Love,
Cathy
PS. New Yorkers, check out hoop with the lovely Lauryn every Tuesday at 6! She’s the sweetest and a BEAUTIFUL dancer. Here’s the studio website, which has poles too or duh, I wouldn’t be there.
AAAAAAARGH it kills me to see simple shit I never would have thought of that ends up looking amazing. 0:40. This vid is ultra sexy, but dang, I’m looking at her seamless transitions and so should you. Gorgeous.
Where did the time go?! I just realized that it’s been almost 2 years since that fateful day that I first printed a Groupon for a pole dancing class and my life changed forever (or, for at least two years or so).
It was something I’d been curious about for a while, but I think the real push to actually GO to the class came from just getting out of a relationship.
Or, more accurately, a relationshit.
You know when you’re in a relationship, and nothing dramatic happens–no one cheats, no one beats up anybody’s siblings at family parties, no one has substance abuse issues–but things just… get shitty?
Like, the tone the other person uses to ask about your friend Joe’s job search just suddenly really pisses you off, or you have a three hour screaming fight because he doesn’t like that your ex works a block away from your office and is friends with you on Facebook, but Jesus, why can’t he just trust you? (Not taking this from real life, tooootally making it up. Cough cough).
It’s when you can’t remember the good feelings feelings you once had, because the bad ones pile up like manure on rose bushes and who can smell flowers through the overpowering aroma of shit, shit, SHIT?
Okay I’m being over-the-top here, but the point is, though the “slow fade” is totally the best kind of break up (since all the SWEET, SWEET FREEDOM overpowers the sad feelings), it’s still going to sting.
You’re still going to be lonely.
You’re still going to wonder if you’re really all that, without a boyfriend around as proof.
You’re going to need validation, the company of friends, and exercise.
Lady, you need pole.
Let me break it down for you:
Reasons Why Pole Will Help Immensely In Your Breakup Survival
1. You will look like a fine, fine dime piece (that he dropped, whoops, watch out, somebody else is picking that up!), thanks to a combination of serious toning and carrying yourself like a BOSS.
2. You can sweat out your pain without having to deal with the gym. And let’s face it, you need all the endorphins you can legally get.
3. You will make tons of supportive female friends. (Seriously. They will clap for you when you get a new trick. Everyone needs applause in their lives).
4. You can EXPRESS YOURSELF (Evanescence, anyone?).
5. You will be distracted (yay, learning new things! What’s his name again?)
6. You will have a place to go at a certain time that is not your apartment, where the ice cream and your cell phone is. Keep that schedule full, girl. Classes, classes, classes.
7. You will have new goals to keep your life on track (“I can’t drink myself into a stupor, I have a pole class in the morning and my Superman is soooooo close!”).
8. Your ex will cry when he finds out. (Mine did. They all do. Enjoy).
9. You will feel sexy and amazing about yourself without making any bad, boy-related decisions.
10. IN FACT: you’re going to get choosier about boys. You’re going to get choosier about everything in your life, because you realized through pole that you are AMAZING. You are strong and sexy, and you have a community behind you.
Him? Oh, like that Beyonce song, he’s replaceable. But you? He’s going to have to look looooong and hard for another one. And she probably still won’t come close.
Anybody else take up pole after breaking up? ADMIT IT! Or if it made your relationship awesome, tell me about that, too. GIVE ME HOPE.
Happy (single!) twirls,
Cathy
OMG, PROJECT.
(Please read that in the voice of Cher, re: makeovers).
SO, I’m working on a routine!
This is hard!
First, let me give you guys that advice I’ve been given, and then YOU give YOURS. Because, I’m stuck. I have this awful habit of re-inventing the wheel every time I dance to a song. No matter what I have written down (yes I’m being all official about it), every time my music starts, I do something different. HELP ME COMMIT.
Here’s what I’ve heard so far about The Process of choreographing (word? not a word?):
1. Choose 3 tricks and build your dance around them
This is sooooooo helpful. If you can think of the three tricks you want to include (your music can advise as to what feels right/fits the mood/theme), you can think about spreading them out well, THEN fill spaces between with transitional moves. GENUIS. I love a general layout for writing, why not dancing?
2. Waste time
It’s hard to remember while dancing (or choreographing) but it takes an audience at least a few seconds of watching a move to even register what you’re doing. So I think especially for the first 10-15 seconds of a song, extremely simple moves are a good way to ease into a dance… and make sure you’ve got everybody’s attention for when you’re ready for a trick.
3. Make a list
…of everything you know how to do.
For me, I wrote down key words/phrases of the song I’m using (Running, by Jessie Ware) and a few moves that kinda conjured that emotion for me.
Examples:
“falling” (back hook spin, Juliet spin, recliner)
“running” (hang man spin, half bracket hold with “walk,” pirouettes, headstand “walk outs”)
“I just go weak” (spin in arch, bridge slide, back bend with extended leg)
…and a bunch of other stuff I don’t have names for. (That’s the annoying thing about pole… not knowing what the heck to call the stuff you know how to do).
Anyway, that’s all I got, and I’m stuck, guys!
Here, listen to my song and tell me shit to do that you think would look good!
Also, please, share your tricks for getting the Choreography Muse to visit. I tried leaving her cookies and milk, but that might just work for Santa.
Happy twirls!
Cathy
…that’s the first sentence somebody said to me when I got into work today. Of course, I had to clarify, “Wait, she’s a stripper, or a pole dancer? Because there’s a difference. Also, good morning!”
“She’s a pole dancer,” he said, “she has a blog!”
Welp, it looks like that blog is probably getting totally overwhelmed by curious people looking for PICTURES (IS SHE HOT IS SHE HOT), so, I guess let’s all discuss this more as things develop?
Meanwhile… do you guys ever worry that you’ll end up in politics and then your hobbies will come back to haunt you?
This type of thing has happened to me several times, but in different ways. Like that time this real estate agent was showing me the apartment I moved into. He asked all kinds of questions about my life on our first walk-through (being stupidly honest, I just told him I’m a writer and dance instructor, instead of making something up), which I guess led to him investigating me a little further. Probably by searching my name and the word “dance.” SUPER SPY.
Naturally, on our second meeting, he blurted out (while alone in his car with me, for extra creepiness), “So… WILL THERE BE ROOM FOR A POLE IN THIS PLACE??”
*Blink.*
“BECAUSE I DID A LITTLE GOOGLING…”
Ah, congratulations, sir. You’ve learned the fine art of search engines! How embarrassing for me that you have discovered that I pole dance!
I had to endure a few repulsive comments about how much my boyfriend must LOVE this (I don’t have a boyfriend, I told him, which only prompted a conversation about how I should use it to get one), but throughout the whole gross meeting I made one thing clear: I’m not hiding.
I mean, if I were, I probably wouldn’t have a blog with my name and photos plastered all over it.
In a way, yeah, it sucks being vulnerable to the wrong kind of attention. People think they can scroll through a few pictures and jokes about what I’m up to and know me, or worse, judge what kind of person I must be.
I guess in this age of Facebook, that was going to happen anyway. So I might as well celebrate something I love.
But then there’s the other stuff–the things I write about on here that I’m not super proud of. Feeling lost, falling in love with the wrong people, getting burnt out on pole, struggling…. yeah, just “struggling” pretty much covers it.
It’s not an accident that this stuff ends up posted. There’s definitely an edit button, and I’ll admit I’ve used it.
But as much as I love sharing my most flattering trick photos, I feel like it’s important to show the hard work and the mistakes and the blisters and the tears, too. In pole AND in life.
It’s not easy. Should that part be hidden?
Do you guys have any interesting “discovery” stories?
Fill me in!
Anyway, here’s what Jezebel makes of Snowden’s chick…
CV
But HOW cute is my sister’s little bug?!!!! SERIOUSLY. Back soon, dying of pole withdrawal! Don’t forget class on Thursday 😉
I’m flattered, but a little freaked out. I know nobody cares, but visitors are about the same while hits have gone CRAY CRAY. I know I haven’t suddenly gained, like, mass appeal, so, naturally… I’m scared for my life. But thanks for reading, whoever you are! I hope it’s not hate-reading!
For everybody else: the start date for tonight’s 4-week course has been moved to next week because MY SISTER IS HAVING A BABY. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE. I LOVE YOU LINDS, GOOD LUCK!!
Also, I might be MIA until next week because wheee, baby! Being had in another state! So, I’mma go be an Aunt for a bit 🙂 See y’all on the flip side!
~CV
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 