Poletiquette: How Not to Piss Off Your Instructor

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

When I am in student mode, I am eager–nay, DESPERATE–to have my instructor’s approval.

In my eyes, instructors are goddesses full of infinite knowledge, who can bestow upon me a priceless nugget of information if only I prove myself worthy enough (“You need to rotate your legs INWARD in a thigh hold”<—–WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS GENIUS, THANK YOU SHAINA)

… which is why I get really fucking irritated when I see my fellow students doing Oblivious, Obnoxious Shit that undermines the instructor’s class.

Having been on both the instructor and student sides of the fence, I cringe as people perform random acts of OOS because I know exactly how Oblivious and Obnoxious it is to the person trying to teach your ass something that you don’t seem particularly interested in learning. Oh, you just want to practice that thing you already know on your favorite side again? Okay, sure. Do that. I’ll just wait over here.

RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR.

Okay, so, from both a teacher’s and a student’s perspective, here’s how to effectively poke the instructor bear, if you really must:

1. Flip upside down every time your teacher’s back is turned

Oy vey. You don’t do this, do you? Listen, it’s great that you can go upside and you’re only a level one, but, chances are, 1. you’re not doing it right (like the girl I witnessed in my last class who inverted into a crucifix with BOTH FEET IN FRONT OF THE POLE WHAT STAHP) and 2. if you bust your ass, you could get your teacher in trouble, because she’s not supposed to let you go upside down without a spot in level 1.

A teacher is not just responsible for teaching you, she’s also in charge of your safety while you’re in her class. If you wait until your instructor’s back is turned to do something dumb, not only are you setting an example of chaos for the rest of the students, you’re endangering yourself AND your instructor’s job/reputation/peace of mind. Poo on you!!!

2. Try that thing you’re supposed to be practicing once … and then switch off to that thing you already know how to do

Again, this is a really demoralizing example to set for the rest of the class. You’re basically showing everyone that you think your instructor’s lesson plan is optional, and/or that you’re too good for what you’re learning.

But real talk: is a new move too easy for you? Practice fun ways to get in or out of the move, or make up a variation (one handed, extended leg, to the floor vs. to your feet), add some floor work, build a combo, etc. And of course, work on your bad side! This should definitely keep you busy until the next part of the lesson. Is a move too hard? Talk to your teacher! He or she can help you pinpoint the problem or give you a variation–and I promise you, they’ll be happy to do it. Much happier than if they catch you blatantly doing something they didn’t teach you during your practice time.

3. Whine/give up/catch an attitude

This one… we’re all guilty of. And instructors understand, because we know the feeling. Sometimes you just hit a wall and that is SO frustrating. But, if you go to that dark place where you just don’t want to try anymore, we can’t help you. And that’s class money and instructor time wasted–for YOU. Which, from a teacher perspective, we feel really bad about. Help us help YOU.

Of course, step one to not being a pain in the ass is to try talking to your teacher. He or she can help you figure out what the problem is. Better yet, before just blurting out “I can’t,” try clarifying for yourself where the sticky spot. Is it the aerial invert part of the combo that’s too tough? Is your hand is getting stuck behind your knee on the outside leg hold? The more specific the issue, the better you equip your instructor to give you helpful feedback, or to modify the move so you can do it. Remember, just because you didn’t nail a move in a single class doesn’t mean you haven’t made a gain. And your instructor will be SO happy to keep helping you if you just keep putting in the effort.

So that’s the end of my rant. Teachers, anything your students do that drives you up the wall? Students, anything you wish teachers would do better? Pobody’s nerfect…

HT 🙂

Get more spin: 5 tips

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Hey guys!

I got a question regarding getting more spin and I’m on my lunch break, so super super quick, here are my five tips for getting more spin out of your… spins. (I’m writing this too quickly to be a wordsmith, LEAVE ME ALONE).

Note: these are all tips for a STATIC POLE, though most of the momentum rules (long and short levers and sweeps) apply to spin too.

1. Lengthen your levers

As in, extend your arms and legs as you “fall” into a spin. The greater the weight you put into your fall/kick off motion, the faster and longer the spin.

2. …and then shorten them

As soon as you kick off the momentum, you’re going to want to pull your arms and legs in. Picture a figure skater–you know how they start a spin with their arms out and then cross them over their chests until they speed up into a tornado-like blur? That’s what you’re going for.

3. Work your walk

You never want to jump into a spin, but a good, strong three-step walk into a leg sweep (always on the outer leg, unless you’re doing an inside hook, ex: a Front Hook spin) will add some power to your “fall.”

4. Lean out

Again, the more weight you have to throw into your spin, the better. If you pull your hips away from the pole, you’re adding to your “kick off” weight as you fall. More good news: a nice saunter/lean combo looks super sexy and effortless. Just keep your head up to avoid looking like you’ve had an attack of narcolepsy.

5. Tighten your core

Good form (abs in, chest up, eyes forward) will help you stay “up” as long as possible while spinning. Sloppy form (forgetting to engage your shoulders–ie. The Dead Hang, looking down, hunching your back/core/chest) will drag you down, literally.

6. Watch the grip aid

While it’s important to have grip (never spin on sweaty hands), an overdose on Dry Hands is a sure-fire spin killer. So is too much squeezing from body parts other than your hands (like a behind the knee catch on a Back Hook or ankle grab on a Fireman). If you find your spins coming to a dead stop in mid-air, do a quick check-in with your contact points and make sure you’re keeping things light.

That’s all for now–hope this helped! And if you have any spin tips or tricks, please feel free to share them below.

XOXOXO

Easy, homemade body scrub for pole days

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater
I made the scrub and put it in Mason Jars because I live in Brooklyn.
I made the scrub and put it in Mason Jars because I live in Brooklyn.

Alright, we’re in the home stretch of winter, and thank god because it is kiiiiiiiilling me. I’ve been poling more often than ever, hitting the studio on the way home from work several days a week. But, sadly, that means a shower with no lotion in the mornings.

Which sounds like 1st world problems, but when you’re stretching, and you can literally feel the skin on your sides breaking… it’s bad news bears.

Luckily, I just remembered BODY SCRUB.

I made a batch with this totes awes recipe from the Idea  Room to go with my Christmas presents this year (see picture to the right), and it finally occurred to me to make some for myself.

Guys, game changer. The scrub sloughs off the dry spots so the oil can really soak in, and then most of the oil itself goes safely down the drain. Unlike lotion, any residual oil really doesn’t come out of your pores when you sweat at a class, so it’s compatible for dance days. If you’re nervous, try it the night before, but it’s been fine for me so far.

I got kind of fancy and made stripes of blue and white scrub for my Christmas presents, but really, you can be basic here–just sugar and oil, of any kind, if you like. You kind of can’t screw this up. That said, making it to the letter is divine.

HT!

Choosing a Studio by Perceived Level of Bullshit

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Hey guys,

Let’s talk about finding studios. I have a patented bullshit scale for myself that you might find helpful! First, a soundtrack for this post:

(Chris Brown is NOT having any of your bullshit in that album art.)

Second: let’s go over kinds of bullshit you might encounter when trying to find a studio to suit all your poling needs:

1. Yoga Bullshit

This is not a standard  I apply just to pole studios, but to bellydance ones as well: there should not be a fuck-ton of yoga in classes for OTHER THINGS.

Yes, stretching, warms ups–important and appreciated. But if we have to stand around with our hands clasped in prayer position or focus on our breaths for more than half a second, I’m going to get irritable. And 20 minutes out of an hour class dedicated to sun salutations instead of spins or omis? No.

No.

2. Cancellation Bullshit

Now by this I don’t mean cancellation policies that apply to you–those are fair, and, as a teacher, I know they’re necessary. I also understand, as a teacher, that classes get cancelled if they don’t fill up, because that teacher needs to be paid.

But when I’m a student, it’s really annoying to plan my day around a class that may or may not happen. More often than not, a pattern in cancellations will make me skittish and seek other, more predictable studios. (I feel bad about this, but, it is what it is).

3. Lack of Class Structure Bullshit

I have a pole at home. If I wanted to pay 25/hr for what’s essentially an open pole class, I would not have hauled ass out into the snow.

4. Environmental Bullshit

Poles too close together. Cattle call classes of 3 girls to a pole. Lack of basic necessities like alcohol or cloths. For how much these classes cost, this type of bullshit is most definitely Deal Breaking Bullshit (DBB).

5. Mean Teacher or Staff Bullshit

I don’t know about you guys, but, if I have to go through a rude front desk person to buy more classes, I will kind of put it off until–OH LOOK, this other studio has a sale… aaaaaand, I’m gone. Same with teacher that make you feel shitty. Again, I’d just stay at home and tell myself I suck. Way cheaper!

Aside form this criteria, I also have more subjective, judgement-call type bullshit categories like 60% of a class dedicated to booty work (nothing wrong with booty work, but if I came to learn new pole stuff, I’m gonna be disappointed), or, general scariness of other students (if it’s laundry day and I only have a ratty tank top to wear to class, and the girls are the shade-throwing type, I might skip it).

These are factors that are very important to me. I’m pretty open to new styles, teaching methods, etc, so long as a studio has as little DBB as possible.

If you’re in the process of choosing your “home studio” so to speak, know that they kind of fall into the following categories, and that to get a full experience that fits your goals with pole, you might need to combine a few (I totally do this).

I realize I’m sort of repeating myself from a previous post on types of pole studios, but I believe a year of class hopping has helped me refine my categories. Here’s how I think they should be sorted now:

1. The Sensual, Mirror-less studio

I think this is a cool idea and would probably try it as a side dish to my regular training. I can see its usefulness in building artistic stuff, or if you’re dancing for fun and not with a goal of performing. I know a lot of people rave about these places. Downside: I hear rumors of extensive freedancing in class (AHHHHHHHHH), and weird intimacy exercises like making eye contact with class members during dances (no nope bye CANNOT DO IT SORRY). I also feel like I’d fall into bad habits by doing what “feels right” instead of checking the mirror… as in, my choppers would not get any less lopsided and my right side would be SUPER STRONG.

2. The Booty Studio

These places are a lot of fun. You’ll probably get a lot of flexibility work in and learn some rad raunchy moves to incorporate into your routines, a la Michelle Shimmy. Downside: If you’re like me, you could get a little uncomfortable with all the head to the ground, butt in the air work. Bonus: there will probably be cool lighting and maybe champagne, and it’s a very fun place to visit with friends. Also, the teachers are usually a riot and very approachable.

3. The Pole-astics Studio

This place is flat out just not as much of a playground as the above studios, but, it’s where I usually put in most of my class time. You’ll probably be forced to do all kinds of awful things like conditioning exercises, doing moves on Your Evil Bad Side, or combining moves. You may be a little scared of your instructor, and you might also be tempted to skip class at the end of a long work day. BUT, here’s your reward: you will see a lot of progress.

How would you guys describe your studio? Do you have a couple you alternate between?

I definitely have a “home” studio I go to because it’s close to my literal home and full of familiar faces, but have a “serious” studio for cancellation-proof training. Is this weird? I also really miss some of the hot floorwork I used to get out of the more stripper oriented classes, so, I definitely think there’s a place for all kinds of pole dancing in our training.

Thoughts?

XOXO and HT,

Cathy

Gross stuff nobody tells you about pole dancing: YOUR BUTT SWEATS/IS TRYING TO KILL YOU

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Le me, poling at home:

lol nbd, hanging upside down, then answering a text. Ain’t nothing but a thang.

Me in the studio last night: FALLING. CANNOT STAY ON THE DAMN POLE.

Like, wearing the short shorts, gripping in the right spot, legs locked, and WHOOMPH, right down like a firefighter for a 5 alarm fire.

I kept putting Dry Hands on my inner thighs, which would work for 5 seconds and then I would start sliding again. So frustrating. Until I figured it out what the problem was.

You guys: GLUTEAL FOLD SWEAT.

If you know anything about pole competitions, you’ll know what gluteal fold is (the part where your butt and your legs UNITE (please read that in a Captain Planet voice, it would make me happy), that is not allowed to show in some of the serious competitions).

I was wearing shorty shorts where were totally covering my GF, but, they probably weren’t tight enough. As in, they weren’t close enough to my skin to prevent the inevitable hour-and-15-minutes-into-an-intense-class-sweat from pooling nastily in the inner thigh area… which I kind of needed to be all dry and reliable if I wasn’t going to fall to my death.

You had one job, thighs.

So there you have it: gluteal fold sweat. A thing you need to worry about now. But thankfully, a thing that can be resolved with tighter shorts… preferably cotton ones (polyester/spandex blends is probably another source of the problem).

I wish the world understood this. Can we pass out fliers or something? “Pole dancers must wear tight/small clothing, this has nothing to do with sluttiness.”

So what’s new with y’all? I learned a very pretty compass spin at B&P last night that I can’t show you because my house is small and I keep kicking my refrigerator. Fill me in!

XOXO

Blizzard got your studio closed? Trapped inside? 5 indoor activities (plus a playlist) to the rescue.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Don’t freak out, we’re going to get through this!!!

First: watch this. It’s Channing Tatum dancing to Pony by Ginuwine. If anything’s going to make you feel better right away, it is this.

I’m not even talking about the ass cheeks here! Just the passion and flow make me feel jazzy.

(Side note: why do male strippers throw you around and aggressively put their balls in your face? I think I would pay them not to do that. And also, the stripping should end at the pants, because G-strings is where things stop being sexy and start getting ridiculous). BUT ANYWAY.

1. If you have a pole, you should freestyle, son! In between eating those 6-7 meals a day (consisting of cookies) that we’re all having right now, that is. Don’t bother working on anything hard–it’s a snow day, duh!

Here’s some songs to get you started. (Sorry, it’s all hip hop… you guys know me. If you like Evanescence, you’re on your own)

1. Jhene Aiko, The Worst

She’s my new favorite singer, since I heard her on Drake’s From Time (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED, but I already included it on my Drake playlist, so I had to skip it this time :||||| )

2. The Weeknd, Montreal

Part of this song is in French. Bitch. Speaking of French, is it just me or is there a Cirque du Soleil feel here? Like you should be dancing with a fog machine?

3. Show Me, Kid Ink

Ugh, this video just reminded me that Chris Brown is in this, and is still very much a piece of shit. Sorry guys. STOP MAKING CATCHY MUSIC CHRIS BROWN.

4. Partition, Beyonce

Okay I’m actually not much of a Beyonce fan, but I saw this choreo video and holy. fuck. I hate it when guys in high heels put my best attempts at being sexy and having attitude to shame 😐

Anyway, BONUS ACTIVITY: teach yourself this bomb ass routine:

5. Betterman, Musiq

Okay so this one’s a wild card; it’s really soulful and fun. Musiq is so… uplifting.  FUCK, I said it, so corny. Oh well, I find I dance a different way to the upbeat stuff and it helps me bust ruts. See what it does for you!

6. Limit to Your Love, James Blake (Feist cover)

I first heard this song in a bellydance performance and only JUST NOW remembered that it would be sick on the pole.

2. Don’t have a pole? Workout on your floor! PopSugar has some INCREDIBLE workouts that will kick your ass and improve your mood with no equipment or just a set of dumbells… in 10 minutes or less. Seriously, you thought you were in shape until that second set of mountain climber/push up combos. Yeesh. (No, they didn’t pay me to write this, I just stumbled on the workouts over Thanksgiving and they’ve successfully help me ward off the Holiday 5, even away from the studio).

OR, you can just put a playlist on and spend one song doing all the ab exercises you know, one song squatting and lunging, another song alternating tricep dips and lady pushups… BAM, you are done!

3. Watch a dance movie! This week alone I saw Magic Mike, Step Up 1, 2, and 3, Honey 2, and a couple of ballet documentaries. It’s fun and potentially enlightening–and you just may find new floor work or flow moves, or discover some music for when your studio thaws out! Or…. you could do what I usually do and Google “movies with pole dance” or “movies about strippers” to find more specific, um, inspiration.

4. Try to incorporate a new dance style into your pole moves. It sounds silly, but, try a classic jazz step, salsa spin combo, tango dip, on the pole–make a game out of trying to work it into your flow. It’s fun, and mixes things up! If you didn’t pick anything up from that dance crew movie I just made you watch (soooorry), try YouTubing the Rumba or twerking or the foxtrot something. Whatever rings your bell. New and novel is the name of the game. It doesn’t have to be good.

5. Film yourself. I dare you. Practice is always more fun when you have the option of showing off. Bonus bravery points if you’re doing something a little experimental. And when you do… please send me the link to the vid!!!

Stay warm!

XOXOXO

Cathy

BREAKING NEWS: 300 Sandwiches Chick Cried After Her Pole Dancing Class

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

She didn’t feel sexy enough.

Reenactment of what this girl's boyfriend looks like. NOT sandwich-worthy. And possibly undead.
Reenactment of what this girl’s boyfriend looks like. NOT sandwich-worthy. And possibly undead.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeez o’petes this makes me sad.

First, the whole story makes me feel yucky. Guy tells girlfriend, “Babe, you are 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring.”

Girl “jokingly” starts a blog documenting her sandwich-making pipeline to a rock. Except, how much of a “joke” is this if she’s calculating the time breakdown of sandwich making/distribution so that she can be engaged and married before her mid-thirties?

How much of a joke is it if she’s seriously and in earnest using words like “wife material”? How secure is she in herself and her relationship if she’s freaking out at a pole dancing class because “not looking sexy enough” means her boyfriend is going to look at other girls?

None of this seems particularly funny to me.

Not that I’m being judgy here–I completely empathize with her. But let’s just call it what this whole sandwich experiment is: a tactic to win love and approval from somebody who should already love and approve of you. And that’s fucked up. It’s not cute. It’s not a joke. And if somebody dangles a ring in front of you like it’s some kind of carrot on a stick for you to prove that you’re “wife material,” I’ll have to quote Dan Savage and advise you to DTMF.

As far as this woman’s experience with pole dancing, as a teacher, I can tell you she’s hardly in the minority for crying after. Girls get really down on themselves in beginner classes for not being able to achieve a stripper aesthetic within their first hour. Which is crazy to me, because who is even looking at you? Your boyfriend is not here! This is about learning tricks and having fun, and sweating a little in the process. If you already walked in looking like a rock star on the pole, why bother taking a class? It’s about learning and having fun, not being perfect or using the class as a litmus test for how hot you are.

If there is any man-related sexy to be gained from pole dance, it comes from the confidence you get through expressing yourself. Chances are, as a beginner, you don’t have a pole at home, and no men are allowed in the studio. All you take with you when you finish a class is how you feel. If you come out down and crying over not looking sexy enough, what’s the point?

Oh and NEWSFLASH: most men don’t even find what I do on the pole now sexy. What they really like to see is what I promise you everyone can already do: pop your booty, flip your hair, and smirk like you know exactly what you’re doing.

You don’t need a class for that. (Seriously, try it the next time you’re at a club: make eye contact with a guy, smile, and do a little head roll while you’re dancing. That is NOT a banana in his pants, ladies).

stephanie smith
Okay so IRL he has a tan, but STILL.

Moral of the story: if you have a boyfriend, he should love you. Sandwiches are bonus. Pole dancing is bonus. And if you DO want to do these things, for god’s sake, do them because you genuinely want to. Life is too short for crying after class.

OH, just wondering though… can we all speculate as to which studio she went to? Clues: Midtown, and the class is likely called “Climb and Spin”… GO!

Happy (SELFISH) twirls!

Cathy

Bizarre keywords you people have used to find my blog (Part 3)…

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Seriously you guys, what in the world.

As we all know, WordPress is super high-tech, and likes to tell me how people are finding my blog, mostly via Google, and very rarely from other things. (PS. you guys are using ask.com sometimes, which blows my mind).

Anyway, the key words that bring you lovelies here are USUALLY normal stuff like “pole dancing” or “tips for pole dancing.” But other, more amusing times, they are super weird phrases such as “how does strippers vaginas smell like candy.”

I wish I were making that up.

Anyway, another couple of months, another few hundred TOTALLY WEIRD search terms, so let’s do this.

BIZARRE SEARCH TERMS, June-August 2013:

-“how to make a spinning dance pole” Uhhh… purchase one. Do not do anything else. Just, buy one that spins and don’t hurt yourself. Okay? Okay.

-“why are stripper shoes so expensive” GOOD FREAKING QUESTION. That was 60 dollars I could have spent on Chipotle.

-“pineapple pole dancing” Heh. I know y’all were looking for the Rick Ross song, but I definitely pictured a pineapple working the pole, like, sensuously removing its coconut bra…

-“somebody get that girl a pole” WORD. And compliment accepted.

-“sexy rnb songs that make you dance” One word: bandzzzzzzz.

-“improvisation unbroken eye contact” That sounds… upsetting. Maybe don’t do that. Three instances of eye contact per song is plenty, in my opinion.

-“dance oils” Nooooooooooooooooooo, staaaaaaaaaaaaaahp. Think of the dancers that have to use the pole after you, you selfish, oily bastard!

-“pole dancing to song i don’t want to miss a thing” We’re talking bout the Armageddon song, right? If so, making this face… 😐 (click it, you know you want to).

-“playliste slow sensual dance” I like this one because it made me read it in a French accent.

-“im dating a pole dancer” Yay, good for you! Wait, is this my ex?

-“omarion’s cars 2013” Lol wut.

-“”your butt out”” The perplexing thing here is that this already came packaged in the quotation marks. Do I yell at people to stick their butts out so often that they are finding my blog this way?!!

-“what is the sexiesy pole dancing move that uses your ass” This just… I am chuckling. I honestly don’t know. You might want to use YouTube for that, not my specialty.

-“pole i have to spot a big girl” Oh man. In all seriousness, you should probably spot people about your size, or get a buddy to help on the other side. Just for everybody’s safety. Also, big girls poling, holla!

-“what do guys think of pole dancers” Good question. Gentlemen?

-“will upside down splits tone my inner thigh” Girl, if you can manage to do a split upside down on a pole, I think the tone of your inner thigh is the last thing people will be looking at. Also, fuck yes, your inner thighs will be toned. But this seems like a chicken-egg situation.

-“cathy vandewater pole dancer email address” Aaaaaand, looking over my shoulder. right. now.

(But for real, you guys can get a hold of me with this thinga-ma-goo, and I promise to write you back!) 

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

That’s all for now. Thanks as always for reading, for searching, and for being weird as hell!!! I LOVE IT.

<3,

Cathy

Home!

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

On hiatus to baptize my niece (Godmother, holla!) in my hometown, and hang out with this bad influence, aka my sister.

Image

And here’s the little bug after gettin’ dunked:

Image

On an unrelated note, the club we were at last night had poles on stage, and I was really tempted to just run up, do a trick, and run back down. But I was in a dress, and I was more concerned about showing my underpants than anything else, so, I didn’t. They had a pretty sick aerialist though, and when I get back to town and find my camera USB cord I’m posting the vid!!

So, question… have you guys ever hit the pole at a club? I’ve been to a few places in the city now that are equipped and  I get the itch every time… but I also feel like that’s a tad skankalicious. Yay or nay?

<3<3<3

Cathy