I forgot my shorts. I thought for sure I packed them, but I peeked in my bag on the way to the studio last night and found a pair of folded black tights instead.
With 15 minutes before my first class and two classes to teach, I did what anyone would have done: I canceled.
Just kidding. You’d have to put a wall of fire in front of my studio to keep me from teaching. So I found a pair of scissors and cut my tights into shorts. Very tight, moderately transparent shorts.
Great day to wear underpants with flowers on them, by the way.
So in closing, apologies to everyone who saw my ass last night, but thank you for taking my class, which was hella-full. I still have hope that my Jedi mind tricks prevented you from noticing anything odd though. ***THERE IS NOTHING STRANGE ABOUT THESE SHORTS. THIS IS NOT AN ASS YOU ARE LOOKING AT.***
Anyway, turns out the studio’s closed on Thursday (noooooo) and I’m upstate for Christmas next week, so hold off on sign ups until we’re off the holiday schedule. I’ll let you know when, promise.
So let me safely assume no one cares about this. Right? Oh my god, I’m the one writing this and I barely care lalalalalala so boring.
I’ll be brief:
1. Splits
Self explanatory. I’m pretty close on my left side. And let’s just pretend straddles don’t exist right now, okay?
(Wouldn’t mind Alethea’s two-disc stretching DVDs regardless, hint hint wink wink).
Seriously though, this is how awkward I feel like I look in my new heels.
2. Heel pownage
I’d still like to WALK in my new heels. But seriously, I just got legit stripper lucites and I can’t even climb in them, let along do stuff where my feet touch the ground.
3. Straight leg inverts
Yeah, right now I’m kinda doing that crunching thing.
4. Aerial inverts
I actually haven’t attempted this at all but it seems much, much harder, no?
5. All my students from this term to come back
My current regulars are so rad!!! 10/10 stars ladies, you’re so fun and excited to learn it makes me pee a little. Please come back FOREVER 😀
6. A few really awesome-yet-not-slutty dance vids I can safely post somewhere
The ones I’ve shot so far have been a strange combination of awkward and unintentionally raunchy (CAMERA ANGLE CHANGES EVERYTHING).
7. My pole to finally break in
Seriously, how long does this f***ing take?! I come home all excited to try something I just did in the studio and fall on my ass. Or worse, my face. Yes, that happened. Yes, I am ashamed. No, don’t tell my mom.
8. New pole shorts
Black + cotton + Forever 21=mad cheap looking after two washes. I want some from the place I got my shoes but they were like $25. Pole shorts, Y U SO SMALL YET SO EXPENSIVE?! Honesty, there’s so little cloth… I don’t understand.
9. Mastering spin pole
By mastering, I mean not screaming and jumping off. Seriously, why is my g-d pole like one of those rodeo bulls on spin mode?
10. A way to work a Silence of the Lambs reference into my curriculum
“It takes the lotion off its skin or else it falls off the pole again” is not working. Seriously no one gets it. Suggestions? Was EVERYONE born before 1994? I can’t even.
Alright, time to stop entertaining myself and teach (SHAMELESS PLUG) my 7pm spins class and 8pm Intro class tonight.
Just this one and a 6pm Spins on Thursday and we’re done for the year! Gah! Come quick! Save yourselves!
So I’ve been seeing a lot of interesting teacher posts lately, in particular one about respect. (Or lackthereof, in the form of student lateness, being self-important and demanding, etc.).
From the point of view of an instructor, yes, please don’t be late. I can’t slow down the class and teach you everything you missed, which will be the basis for everything you’re now going to struggle to learn. Like, I really can’t–it’s in the rule book.But that doesn’t stop me from feeling very bad and guilty about it.
So for my own personal happiness and your personal progress, please be on time. It’s soooooo great to have a roomful of dancers changed and ready to go right on the hour, so if you want me to love your forever AND have a great class, come early and ready to rock.
With that out of the way, I have to say that I don’t really have a lot of complaints about students. The people that are demanding (ie. wanting to be taught something very difficult or a move we’re not learning) usually chill out when they realize the beginner moves I’m teaching are plenty challenging on their own. The ones that have a million complaints (“I need a new pole, mine is too slippery!”) are usually a little insecure about looking awkward, so they make up excuses about things being wrong with the environment, or the move we’re learning, to remove the focus from them. Once you know that as a teacher, you start focusing on ways to help boost confidence, instead of getting defensive or annoyed.
But setting aside those things aside, I have to say: I love questions.
Questions show passion. Questions show engagement. Questions show you trust me! I take that really seriously and no matter what your question is (even if it’s a little silly), I’m happy to answer it. Honestly.
So, here’s a question I recently got after one of my classes (and have gotten before, and asked my own teachers when I was a student). I thought I’d answer it on here in case it might be helpful to someone… or maybe to stir up a few opposing viewpoints!
Question. (From a first time student): My hands are slippery. My friend told me about pole dancing gloves/Dry Hands–should I get some?
So my first reaction to the gloves idea was HELL NO. My second (and the one I actually said out loud) was something like “HELL NO… for now.”
First off, grip gloves, in my opinion, are exclusively reserved for 1. experienced dancers, and 2. tricks.
It’s worth saying that the student that asked me this was brand new, and enrolled in a spins class… so right off the top of my head, I had to tell her that grip gloves are really not going to help with spins.
But more importantly, as a general rule, I really try to steer new students away from grip aids altogether (including Dry Hands).
That’s because, by immediately deferring to aids, you’re starting a pattern of dependency on that item (which gets expensive quickly, if we’re talking about liquid grip). This is often to the detriment of developing your own hand and wrist strength. Simply making your skin stickier (or wearing sticky gloves) really isn’t strengthening your hands–and it’s going to pull and tear more and hurt a lot more in the end. Believe me, I know this because I’ve done it, and you don’t want the blisters. Truth.
In the case of gloves, you’ll save yourself the callouses, but you’re getting cheated out of a fundamental feel for the pole.
A visual reference for how bad a look this is.
Unless you want to spend your entire dance career looking like Jack Nicholson’s character in As Good As It Gets, do yourself a favor and skip gloves until you’re advanced. Not being comfortable dancing with bare hands is a handicap, and a pretty unsightly one at that.
And yes, callouses are part of the fun, so quit yer bitchin’. They’ll protect your hands over time, and they just come with the territory. If you don’t like it, consider a gentler form of dance. Seriously! I get that pole can be tough on your body and skin, and it’s not for everybody.
Of course, there are some exceptions to what I just said:
Exception #1: Safety for advanced dancers.
If you’re working on inversions for over an hour and your hands are sweating (sometimes we all get past the point where Dry Hands can help anymore), I can see how grip gloves can be really useful. Safety being such a huge concern with most of those tricks, you don’t want to worry about sweaty hands when you need to work on building strength and working out form. Totally get that. Mazel.
Exception #2: Dry Hands half way or three-quarters through a class for a beginner.
I absolutely advise against Dry Handing-up before even starting a class. You’re developing a bad habit, as I wrote above. But that said, if you’re really struggling with sweaty hands, a small drop to get you through the last 20-30 minutes of a class is okay in my opinion. Just be conscious of how much you’re using, and make an effort to use the less aggressive aids (frequent pole wipe downs, alcohol on your hands) as long as you can before switching over. I think you’ll see much better progress in your grip and confidence on the pole as a reward for sticking it out.
Any questions for me? Totally disagree? I think I’m going to post/answer whenever I get an interesting or high frequency one from students, but obvis I love questions and comments from other pole bloggers too.
So, having one of those New York weeks where you get really exhausted running the marathon, trip, and then get trampled by everyone. I’m working on getting up again, but for now… Charlie Chaplin always makes me feel better.
Quick question… (pretend we’re at a sleepover): if you had to pick a stripper name, what would it be?
And none of that “your pet’s name plus your street” stuff… for REAL. What would you want to be called?
I ask, because I’m in the odd position of needing one. No, I’m not crossing over to the dark side (though I could use the cash, not saying just saying); this is for my legitimate job.
So I guess the whole schtick with parties at my studio is BE AN EXOTIC DANCING DIVA (cough stripper cough) FOR ONE MAGICAL HOUR. Or two hours… hey, it’s your money.
I mean… I don’t know about that… I’mma teach you a lot of awesome stuff, and you can wear a feather boa and heels. But, ya know, nobody’s going to throw money at you and you BETTER keep your clothes on because I don’t need to see that.
But anyway. Part of the experience is stripper names. They need to pick one, and I need to walk in with one.
So, going by the chart my manager gave me (yes, there’s a chart, I swear to god I’m not making this up), there are certain categories of names that you can choose from. Jewelry: diamond, gold, platinum; Spices: pepper, spicy, ginger; Weather patterns: stormy (actually, I made that category up, but Stormy’s totally a cool stripper name, right?), etc etc.
There’s more categories too, but there’s so ma
ny that I’m not going to type them all. So here’s the thing: I’ve narrowed it down to like 3 or 4
possible names/random objects… but I’m having a hard time choosing. Here’s my brass ring,
HELP ME:
1. Ruby
So yes, this was from the “precious metals/jewelry” chart. I like it because it’s technically a gem but also sounds like the name of the scrappy little girl next door. And I’m scrappy. Very, very scrappy.
2. Chanel
So this is a true story: I went to school with a girl who’s first name was literally Chanel Number 5. I know this, because she got called down to the principal’s office like 12 times a year. “Chanel Number Five Colvin, please come to the main office. Chanel Number Five, please report to the main office.”
Setting that aside, I like this name because it’s less tacky than “Gucci” and rolls off the tongue a little easier than “Dolce and Gabanna.”
Have you guys ever actually smelled Chanel No. 5, by the way? It smells like bug spray. Maybe I have bad taste.
3. Jezebel
Meh. I like the website?
4. Jessy
She’s totally hot, right?!
This is from the “tomboy” category. I think I just like it because the hottest stripper from Dancing At The Blue Iguana had this name. Also, the cool chicks in boy movies always have guy names like this. It’s cute, yes?
5. Lacy
I think of the Party of Five chick when I hear this. Passably sexual, but cute in my head. Aww, Lacey Chabert, I know you’re like 30, but you’re so cute. And we both have tiny voices! Win.
So what do you think?
Here’s some horrible names on the list, for your enjoyment. But seriously… give me an opinion, I need help.
1. Sensation
No.
2. Bootylicious
Too Destiny’s-Child-circa-2002.
3. Bunny
They poop too much. Also, isn’t this what elderly men called their aging wives in the 50s, or did I make that up?
Here’s a quick, three-part summary of the last month: the first part stuck was spent entirely indoors (Sandy), the second part lazing about on the futon with a cold, the third part, cooking then (of course) consuming cheesecake and pie.
Here’s the thing with pole: you get spoiled. You can eat what you want and not worry about it, because your body genuinely needs and will use the food. But then things happen, like your studio closes for the holidays, and it’s totally too cold in your apartment to put on shorts, and your fitness game slips.
Now I don’t like eating much junk food, per se… you won’t catch me with white bread, spray can cheese, bologna, or doughnuts very often. (Actually, now that I typed that out it all sounds delicious together. WHATS HAPPENING).
But I will eat with abandon, until I am full. I don’t worry about calories and fat, so long as I’m getting enough good stuff into my body. Sweet potato french fries? Vitamin A! Guacomole? Healthy fat! Whole grain tortilla chips with flax seeds? Fiber! As long as a food is mostly “real,” with some sort of nutritionally redemptive qualities, I’ll put it in my face. Seriously. And in all honestly, this tends to work just fine for me.
But… then I stopped exercising. I was rehearsing a belly dance routine with my NEW DANCE PARTNER (okay it’s actually an old friend but WE HAVE JOINED FORCES! CAPITAL LETTERS!!!1!!!!) when I noticed my undulation was looking extra… undulationy.
Kinda like this:
Anyway, we have a show coming up (OMG YOU GUYZ, BELLYDANCE SHOW!!!!! More dets soon, I promise), and I had the startling realization that I can NOT be dancing around in a half shirt like this.
So here are the new lifestyle rules, until I look more like my normal self:
First things first: no more alcohol.
Wait wait wait, I’m not an alchy, hear me out! I’m talking wine and beer. I’ve been doing a lot of holiday socializing and that means a hideous combination of chips, the aforementioned guac, and the better half of a six pack.
Want to get fat? Slow down your metabolism with alcohol and THEN pig out without exercising! Super efficient. I’ve tested this method and been extremely successful.
Another really awful thing I’m doing: too much hookah. This doesn’t really make you fat… but it does make you wheezy and lethargic, which is not terribly conducive to exercise.
I’ve been spending way more time in the belly dance community, so to speak, and thusly, spending most of the three hours watching dancing and eating hummus with a pipe in my mouth. THREE HOURS. Imagine chain smoking that long. I’m suddenly panicked that I have emphysema.
Anyway, I’ve been over my cold for at least 2 weeks so there’s no reason I should be this tired and still coughing. I’m blaming the several hours worth of hookah with friends, several times a week. For like, 2 months.
(I know, bad. Really, really bad).
Anyway, my final solution (too German?) is: pole dance, duh!!!!
I’m committing to at least an hour, 3 times a week. Practice, classes, whatever. And on off days, conditioning and/or stretching. Just some kind of activity to remind me to stop being a fat fatty who is getting kind of fat.
I was watching a video I took of some practice dances just a month ago and I can’t believe how different my ass already looks. How can things change so much in one month?! I guess this is a symptom of the late twenties settling in. Ew.
Anyway, tips for me? Please? Pole usually kicks my butt pretty efficiently, but if you’ve got any workout or diet secrets you swear by, please share!!
Classes this week: Thursday and Saturday! Check the schmedule.
Last November, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years after a sad, fighty trip to Hawaii. I was juggling a writing class, a writing job, and an unpaid writing internship (Time Out NY, holla!)
I was scared, broke, lonely, and feeling burnt out and poopy about life in general.
It was at this time that I took my first pole class.
Just swap “Pinterest” for “WordPress” and you now know what the inside of my dreams look like.
Fast forward to this year. I’m stronger and braver than I ever thought I’d be. Most of my body hangups have faded… if I feel icky or out of shape, I ask myself, “Hey girl (I do it in a Ryan Gosling voice), did you flip your feet over your head several times this week?”
“Why yes, self, yes I did.”
“Then you’re good. You wear what you want, girl.”
“Thanks self. I’m so glad we found a sport/hobby combination that keeps us in shape and feeling good, self-esteem wise.”
“Me too, girl. Me too.”
AND SCENE.
I’m ever better at talking to people and generally asserting myself/being friendly with strangers since I’ve started teaching pole. I’m naturally pretty shy, but I’ve discovered that I LOVE leading people through new things and reassuring them, and that’s started carrying over to all parts of my life.
And boys… yeah, let’s go there! I had another disastrous relationship/ish thing last winter, after I had just started getting really into pole (I admit it).
But looking back on the heartache, I realized it probably didn’t work out because… well, I was asserting myself.
Homeboy–while at first extremely attractive to me for being ballsy and funny–was generally kind of a selfish, arrogant dick underneath all the charm.
And your girl, newly pole-i-fied, was just not really having it, ya know?
It hurts when things don’t work out, yeah. But not as much if they DO work out, and they continue to suck. I actually wonder if I had been this person two years ago, would I have ever stayed in my other empty, lame, crappy relationships as long as I did.
I think I stayed because I didn’t think I was strong enough, just me.
But now, as I challenge other grown, in-shape men to try to climb a pole, or hang upside down, I realize: I’m amazing.
I’m the package, all by my lonesome.
And I owe that to pole. Oh, and some incredible teachers.
It’s no coincidence either, I think, that EVERY pole girl I meet is freaking amazing. Y’all are incredible, and I love you. Don’t let people try to put down what you do, or minimize it.
Heck, don’t say anything at all. Just step away from the pole and give the haters an “all yours” gesture. Then try not to laugh. That would be rude.
So tell me–what are you guys thankful for? How has pole shaped YOUR life over the past year or months?
PS. No classes this Thursday, for obvious Turkey-related reasons 🙂 But we’re back on for Saturday, so be sure to check the new site.
The only reason for having your own rules about things is to completely break them, right?
I don’t really like when people confuse pole dance with exotic dance. I mean, you can have pole dancing without stripping, and stripping without pole dancing. They’re not mutually exclusive.
So I like to mouth off about how I’m purist, and pole dance is dance, and it’s not to be confused with stripper stuff like rolling around on the floor and spreading your legs excessively. Because I don’t do THAT.
If chair dancing taught me one thing, it’s that the RNC could have been soooo much more entertaining.
Well, yeah. In the words of Rick Perry… oops.
A friend was taking a chair dance class and invited me along. And, to be honest, I wanted a break from all the pain and bruising for a while.
I feel kinda wimpy since laying around my house during hurricane sandy, and I need baby steps to get me back in the studio.
Also, my floor work definitely needs help, so I figured something slower and bendier might be in order. Besides, there’s no way “chair” could be harder than pole, right?
Yeah, it was hard. The class was only 45 minutes and I was sweating within 10. By the end, my legs were shaking and I was feeling lactic acid burn in my abs. And I train my abs, a lot! Go figure.
Here’s the thing: getting your legs straight and close to your face is not easy. Keeping them there while you open and close in patterns in much harder. Doing all that while balancing on the edge of a chair: SUPER FRICKIN’ HARD.
How great to have these moves in your arsenal though, right? Now when I want to do a mini workout before bed, screw sits up and push ups–I’m going to run through my chair routine! It’s got all the power ab and quad work with a nice side of flexibility training and floor-work drills.
And BONUS: while I have a personal policy against exploiting my pole moves for sex appeal, I have no such rule for chair dancing. So I totally did my new routine for a kinda-sort-boyfriendy type.
He liked it 😀
Anyway, I don’t think I’m going to move on to “lapdance” classes any time soon, but I really, really dug chair and I’m thinking about spending a little more time on floor work/dance moves in general for pole.
What do you guys do for cross training when you’re bored of pole? Do you separate pole from other “exotic” arts, or would you give another genre of sexy dance a try?
Don’t forget, there’s a new website for my studio! So make sure to sign up for my Monday spin class HERE.
Also, speaking of floorwork (and because I’m a bad business woman and I love giving other instructors my students), Alieesah is teaching an amazing Sensual Floor work class right before me. GET ON IT, seriously. I’m going to try and sneak in myself, if I can. 6-7pm, snitches!
You guys… big news: I’m in training to teach parties. This is partially because I’m broke, and partially because our studio is doing mad party business. But the bottom line: I need to get better at walking in stilettos and shouting. Holla!
So, one of my nightmares basically came true. And when I say nightmares, I mean I’m literally referring to that dream we’ve all had where we’re about to do something important and we have no pants on.
I forgot my shorts for class yesterday.
I was changing at 7:15 for a 7:30 class and realized I’d packed my short sleeve choli top instead. Whoops.
Another teacher said she might have some shorts I could borrow. They looked just like underwear to me, but I was desperate, so I took them without complaint. It wasn’t until afterwards that she told me they were from Victoria’s Secret, and I said “Oh cool, I didn’t know they made shorts!” And she said, “Oh, well, they’re not… but they’re shorts in here!”
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 