Movies With Pole: Closer

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater
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I want that wig.

It’s that time again!!! A time when a movie that I added to my Netflix queue months ago (okay, more than a YEAR) ago, has finally arrived at my doorstep–long after I remember why I wanted to see it in the first place.

Yesterday, after several minutes of head scratching, I realized that I put Closer (which should be called “The Blower’s Daughter” due to serious abuse of that Damien Rice song) on my “must watch” list almost two years ago because I thought there would be some pole dancing in it. And I LOVES me some pole dance in mainstream movies. Even if I have to watch Lindsay Lohan act to get it.

So I guess what happened was, a lot of white boys wanted to see Natalie Portman’s ass, because I didn’t get this movie for a very long time. And though her ass was indeed formidable, Natalie’s pole debut left a bit to be desired (mainly in screen time).

Here we go:

MOVIES WITH POLE: VOLUME 2

Film: Closer

Star: Natalie Portman

Overall Movie Quality: You will probably find this movie very deep and intriguing, if you are a white man. If you are a woman, you may wonder why the female characters are thinly sketched objects almost entirely defined by their level of possession by the undesirable creeps that the plot centers around. (<end feminist rant>).

I would basically sum this film up as a catalog of pointless, first-world, self-created emotional pain that had me yelling WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO NATALIE PORTMAN, JUDE LAW at my laptop. Julia Roberts is drop dead though. Truth.

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BAM. Points for flexibility, NP!

Dance Skills: (Out of 10): For the Famous Miss Portman, a 7 for pole technique, and a 4 for sensual movement. I’m going to be honest with you, there’s very small ratio of “pole time” to “Natalie Portman in a thong” time in this movie, which saddened me. (I’m probably the only person who had that reaction). She looked a little fast on the walk/transitions, but executed a clean back hook spin and a lovely half pirouette in her very limited pole time. Which was exactly all they showed. MOAR, Closer, I WANT MOAR.

Highlights: One of the background dancers does an inverted crucifix while another chick gracefully (but uncreatively) choppers and then… just… comes back down out of it. Womp womp. Oh, but Natalie Portman does something damn near close to a center split. Get it girl.

Lowlights: Natalie’s “dancing” scenes don’t involve much dancing, in lieu of walking around and bending over. Which is disappointing, because judging by her perfect technique on the spin/pirouette, she can CLEARLY be taught to pole.

Reality check: No breaches of reality here–the pole setups and costumes all seem to allow for proper poling. I do have a questions about whether a stripper can just flat out display her labia in a club, but, that’s a whole ‘nother issue, and not my area of expertise.

So how much of this was editing?: The movie does a lot of close ups on Natalie’s face for the dancing, then only gives us a full body angle for a single spin (the back hook)–which tells me she didn’t get much in the way of transition/floorwork instruction. Seeing as she learned fucking BALLET for Black Swan, I’m very disappointed in the wasted potential here. I think she would be an epic pole dancer.

My takeaway: I’m very curious about what Natalie’s full routine looked like before it was edited for the film. I did a little digging and found that a UK-based dancer and choreographer, Dana Mayer, choreo’d and taught her the routine, which was a month long process. Natalie had this to say about learning to pole in an interview with contactmusic.com (a UK-based site whose reputability I’m not entirely sure of): “It was much, much more difficult than I expected. It was really, really intense. It takes a lot of upper body strength. You just watch it and it’s so sexy and you forget about all the strength and skill it takes.”

Yay! If you actually said that Natalie, thanks for the props!

Did you guys see this movie? Want to weigh in? Have any suggestions for movies to add to my queue? I think next stop on this tour is going to be The Bling Ring, because it’s already at my house.

OH, one final takeaway from this film, polewise: this grunge-lite song, which plays during NP’s first scene in the club. It is soundly dope. Enjoy!

Happy Twirls!

Why I’m starting to love modern dance meshed with pole

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Okay, so, I was learning this routine in a pole choreo class that was… to be frank, way the hell outta my comfort zone.

It was what I would categorize as modern… ish, maybe with some hip hop influences (guessing here because these are both forms of dance I have never taken classes in). The shapes were angular and purposefully a little awkward, baby-giraffe style. The movements were jerky and syncopated. There were BENT ELBOWS, you guys. That’s a serious shock to my inner belly dancer. Actually I’m hearing my teacher schreech “SOFT ELBOWS” right now. You mean, you bend your elbows on purpose? I don’t understand?

So anyway, I tried my usual tricks to make things look pretty (graceful, light arms, sweeping limbs), but, with the sharp choreography, I just looked sluggish.

At one point during class, still not looking like the instructor no matter how hard I tried, I began to channel my rage at an innocent blonde dancer who was dancing her heart out at the front of the class. She was whipping her hair around and throwing elbows and wrenching her back, and I was just overwhelmed by the need to punch her in the face.

Listen, I’m a bad person, I know.

But, right in the face. That’s real.

Anyway, I thought about the routine for a long time after class. The steps were so foreign to me (and I sucked so thoroughly at them) that I became obsessed with cracking the code. Why does that look cool and purposeful when the instructor does it, and why does it just look like a confused, hot mess on me?

I searched our song to see if someone posted our choreo (with the terms “Dark Horse,” (the song by Katy Perry) and “pole”) and here’s what I got:

Okay, so, first impression: oh yeah, that is not my class.

Second impression: MEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH.

Not to disparage the dancers–this is very well danced! This is standard pole choero too, I guess.

But… this is everything I already know. Hip pops? Hair whips? Yeah, I’m bored with this.

So that’s when the light bulb went off: I really want to do something fresh.

And that’s only going happen if I try things that feel uncomfortable.

I’m going to have to push through my resistance to learning new things. Because that’s what it comes down to, right? WHY AM I NOT INSTANTLY GOOD AT THIS, RABBLE RABBLE, I HATE IT!!!11!!!

I’ve made a point of going back to that teacher’s class, same time every. She’s got shit to teach me. I wanna learn.

Anyway, here’ s a video one of our classmates took (on the night I cried on the way to class btw, SO META) of a new routine, (post “Dark Horse.”) It’s ROUGH and a little awkward looking, but, hey, it’s a Brand New Style, mang! I’m digging it.

HT ❤

Extension/Flexibility Photo Diary: Before Ballet

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

ok, so, BALLET. Here are my before pictures! They are not great, which is the point! I’m doing now what I always wish I did six months later, which is: record how shitty I looked before working really hard and improving.

Oh and also a short video where I talk and have poor balance. See, this is why I need ballet.

A few points on what I’m hoping to achieve, and how it relates to pole:

Stronger feet–and better balance while on up on my toes. I think this will improve pole lines, and also help me with push offs and floor moves like pirouettes. Also, PURPOSEFUL FEET, SON. I don’t remember who wrote about that (Nina?), but, that post kind of changed my life and made me a slightly OCD dancer. I love it. I just want more physical control of my feet (and hands!) to match my obsession with them.

Extensions, Extensions, Extensions. Thinking you did something with beautifully straight legs and then seeing bent knees all over the video is TRAGIC. I’m hoping ballet will get my quads up to par, and of course, give me a greater range of motion.

Flexibility, especially in my back and arms. Seriously, T-Rex arms… not cute. And I’d love to get my arch game up so I can do the Figure Skater on spin mode and take my layback into a Crescent.

General grace, elegance, and body awareness. I want more control, in everything from poses and holds to just plain walking.

So, 10 classes, starting now. Garnet, my friend who made this video for me, came up with this nonsense about weekly updates (I NEVER SAID THAT GARNET), but, it’s in print now and it will keep me accountable, so, SIGH, I’ll probably do weekly updates. PROBABLY. Don’t get mad if I can’t!

XOXOXO,

Cathy

“Before ballet” photoshoot sneak peek…

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

I asked my best friend to snap a couple of pics of me as “before” shots, pre-ballet, to help track progress.

Weeeeelp, I forgot he is an amateur photographer, so, 5 minutes of snapshots turned into several hours of doing everything from many, many angles. And also, he is still editing all the pictures (cropping his rug and power outlets out of every photo for reasons I don’t fully understand), so, for now, just enjoy these videos of stupidity and trust that the damn pictures of me lifting a leg poorly are coming soon.

oh and here’s me trying a split because I’m still so excited I can get my legs to do this now!!!

Xoxoxo

Gross stuff nobody tells you about pole dancing: YOUR BUTT SWEATS/IS TRYING TO KILL YOU

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Le me, poling at home:

lol nbd, hanging upside down, then answering a text. Ain’t nothing but a thang.

Me in the studio last night: FALLING. CANNOT STAY ON THE DAMN POLE.

Like, wearing the short shorts, gripping in the right spot, legs locked, and WHOOMPH, right down like a firefighter for a 5 alarm fire.

I kept putting Dry Hands on my inner thighs, which would work for 5 seconds and then I would start sliding again. So frustrating. Until I figured it out what the problem was.

You guys: GLUTEAL FOLD SWEAT.

If you know anything about pole competitions, you’ll know what gluteal fold is (the part where your butt and your legs UNITE (please read that in a Captain Planet voice, it would make me happy), that is not allowed to show in some of the serious competitions).

I was wearing shorty shorts where were totally covering my GF, but, they probably weren’t tight enough. As in, they weren’t close enough to my skin to prevent the inevitable hour-and-15-minutes-into-an-intense-class-sweat from pooling nastily in the inner thigh area… which I kind of needed to be all dry and reliable if I wasn’t going to fall to my death.

You had one job, thighs.

So there you have it: gluteal fold sweat. A thing you need to worry about now. But thankfully, a thing that can be resolved with tighter shorts… preferably cotton ones (polyester/spandex blends is probably another source of the problem).

I wish the world understood this. Can we pass out fliers or something? “Pole dancers must wear tight/small clothing, this has nothing to do with sluttiness.”

So what’s new with y’all? I learned a very pretty compass spin at B&P last night that I can’t show you because my house is small and I keep kicking my refrigerator. Fill me in!

XOXO

I survived!

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I must have forgotten that this is New York City, and that a pole audition would mean some of the best polers on the planet.

This occurred to me (how serious the competition would be) on the subway this morning, and got so nervous on the way to my audition that I had to jump off the train a stop early and nervous-pee at JC Penney.

I wish I could I could tell you my fears were unfounded, but, they weren’t. I walked in the room and there was a girl doing a center split and another chick on the pole in an elbow-hold Ayesha. It took all my willpower not to bow my head, grab my bag, and slip right back outta there.

But I, took a few deep breaths, resigned myself to possible humiliation, and stayed. While we were warming up before the free dance, the other girls hopped on the pole and did tricks that are way, way beyond my reach. But–and here’s the advantage to being second to last in line–I noticed that as the other girls began freedancing, the ones with the best  tricks were the least proficient in flow.

And, you guys, flow is my jam. THIS IS HOW I CAN DISTINGUISH MYSELF, I thought.

So, when it was my turn, I did what I knew, and what I knew I could rock. I avoided a few flashy tricks that I’d just learned because I knew nerves and a lack of muscle memory (plus some seriously dry air and a cold pole) would thwart me. I listened to the music, tossed my hair and threw myself into my spins (which the other girls were skipping in lieu of poses). I got so into it that it caught me by surprise when the song was over. And then I heard some lovely words: “Very nice fluidity!”

I didn’t quite match up with the best of the best, trick-wise, but I think I stood out in my own way. 

No officially word yet on whether I got “it” (more on what “it” is later), but, I feel pretty good about holding myself together in the face of some serious intimidation. 

I think my takeaway is, don’t let what other people can do make you feel less-than. We all have something special to offer. 

And it also brings me back to my answer to one of the interview questions today, on why I love pole: it’s because, no matter what level you’re at, you can make what you’re doing look BEAUTIFUL. If all you’re doing is walking, it’s entirely possible to do it fabulously. And you fucking SHOULD. Life is too short, mang.

Anyway, cross your fingers form me and take a chance this week, in my honor. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Happy, beautiful twirls,

Cathy

Just in time to completely miss Halloween… is “Scary Sexy” a thing?

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

OMG I just saw Alethea Austin’s casually awesome new vid on YouTube, and it got me wanting to shake up my dance style.

Current style: Soft, pretty, a little slinky, lyrical-ish with a bit of stank on it (ie: booooootay, in small doses).

Not-my-style-but-I’m-considering-it: Badass, bawdy, agressive. Or maybe emo-dramatic. Or just balls out flexy, sexy, bling blang bloww.

She was scaring people by jumping on couches BEFORE Tom Cruise.
Street cred: she was jumping on couches BEFORE Tom Cruise.

(I’m going to stop now because I’m making up words).

The thing is, I think I’m scared to try stuff from these “style categories” because, pole is pretty shocking to people as it is. Dare I be aggressive? Overtly sexual? Dramatic? In ADDITION to being on a pole? Oh my gosh, I don’t know. That’s… a lot.

Setting aside pole for a second, here’s what I associate with different kinds of “Might Scare People A Little” sexiness:

Exhibit A: Confrontational Sexy

Remember Scary Spice? Who I found shocking and confusing, as a child? She was always sticking her tongue out like Miley Cyrus and wearing shiny, uncomfortable looking outfits! (Actually, that might have been all of the Spice Girls). And in hindsight, it was probably a little racist that they made the only black spice girl the abrasive one that “scared people.” 😐 I need to think about this.

Exhibit B: Depressed Sexy

All those creepy, sad, emo girls in rock videos circa the oughts. They’re all strung out and thin and pale, and self destructive, and possible already dead! Ahhh! Spooky! And also very de sex? I guess? Depending what you’re into? I’m exclusively referring to the Breaking Benjamin “Diary of Jane” video.

Exhibit C: DGAF Sexy

raaaaaaaaaawr
raaaaaaaaaawr

Kelly Clarkson, just, throughout that whole My December period, rolling around in the mud in a wedding gown. Because everyone knows angry hot girls are TERRIFYING. This also includes women who are sexy, but like, for themselves? They don’t really care if you’re feelin’ it, because THEY are feelin’ it? Alethea, Pantera… lookin’ at you ladies.

Anyway, if you were going to be emo/rock’n’roll/heroin chic for a dance, what kind of music would you play?

I was REALLY feeling Alethea’s music, so this is my shiny new NIN pole playlist:

1. I’m Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally

I’ve actually danced to this before–but not on the pole! Bastet did a super creepy duo belly dance to this back in the day. I can’t help picturing lots of rolls and chest pops to it. It’s a very grind-friendly song.

2. Everyday is Exactly the Same

I know I’ve included this in another playlist somewhere, but, it’s worth re-mentioning.

3. All the Love in the World

This one’s creepy and slooooooow.

4. With Teeth

This song is dark, but weirdly boppy and energizing. DIG.

5. The Lines Begin to Blur

ANGRY pole music. You need tall, scary shoes for this.

6. God Given

This one takes a little time to get going, it’s really cool and almost techno-pop-sounding.

7. Capital G

Pretty baby with the hiiiigh heels on… oh wait, different song.

Did everybody have a good Halloween? Piiiiics of your costume or it didn’t happen.

HT/HH,

Cathy

Last night I got my no-handed chopper and dumped by text message!

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

***UPDATE: very short clip of my no-hands chopper is now here!***

I’m happier about the no-handed chopper, obviously. Pics when I have my camera on me at the studio next time!!

Until then, just imagine it as an uglier version of this (because I’m still learning, duh!), and with a hand supporting the grip leg, just as with Jade splits (which I CAN FEEL are coming, woot woot). Also, shout out to Cathe over at Our Pole Tricks for doing a no-handed chopper like a boss, just saying.

Technique note: ***the secret*** to the NHC is shifting the weight into your arm pit as you set the leg. Not as hard as it looks, since amazingly, I got it on my first attempt. Next step: trying it on the non-dominant leg.

We also worked on this pose that I’m pretty sure Antoine made up himself, because he’s creative like that (YES I BLOGGED ABOUT YOU ANTOINE, be less fabulous next time and you’ll be safe!) but so far, no dice on hitting it. It’s really friggin’ hard. Oh well, next time!

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Oh, so is it just me, or is it extra gross to get dumped by somebody you are not officially dating? Like, you were hanging out for a couple of weeks, and you text them to meet up because had a good day and you’re feelin’ extra sassy, and then they text back that they are “too busy to give you what you need.”

Um. Chicka what?

I just… okay?

Someone please tell me this has also happened to them, because I’m bewildered. I can’t decide if it’s nice and respectful, or a huge diss (like, I know I don’t owe you a break up because we’re not going out, but I just wanted to go out of my way to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that I don’t like you).

My ego… it… stings.

In other news, sorry the posts have been so few and far between, but things should pick up soon as my NEWLY FIXED COMPUTER should be arriving any day now!!! Thanks, Dad!!! I can’t wait until I can watch movies and write blogs in my spare time again, because lately, I’ve been listening to the radio (seriously) and reading when I get home like it’s the year 1942. Which has been pleasantly chill, but, I’m over it at this point.

<3<3<3 and happy twirls!

Cathy