So I thought I would be all sneaky and take a break from boring old pole and slip into a Bellyqueen class this week.
HAHAHAHAno.
I was there two relaxing minutes before the worst possible opening words of a class EVER were uttered:
“Today we’re working on improv!”
…
Cue me running screaming from the classroom.
Of course, I didn’t do that. I just shot a death glare at my friend for not warning me ahead of time, BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE MAKING THINGS UP.
IT IS VERY SCARY.
Anyway, luckily, we did this thing first where we made a circle and faced OUTSIDE–as in, no eye contact with anyone! And then we just listened to the music and attempted to dance. With no mirrors! (I cheated though, because I was facing a window).
We did that for three minutes or so, then faced the circle again, sheepishly.
Our (terrific) instructor Natalie then had us do silly stuff like trace the letters of our names with arm or leg movements to help us break out of our usual ruts.
(I take this to mean that while watching everyone, she noticed that we were all just doing variations on “snake arms” for the whole 3 minutes).
An aside: it’s hard to feel like you have permission to try new anything you haven’t done a million times in a class. There’s a lot of self imposed pressure to do the “right” things. But how boring is that?
We turned around again (me furiously avoiding my reflection in that damn window), and this time Natalie called out sections of the body–upper, lower, everything. I thought I would run out of ideas, but really focusing just on one part, even one movement, like a bump or drop, or figure eight, was really freeing and I started coming up with moves I haven’t tried in years. The pressure to do ALL THE THINGS at once was lifted. I found myself popping out new really pretty hand gestures or foot movements, and even layering facial expressions (!!!). I don’t usually have the confidence to commit to just one movement, but having permission–wow, it was great. Sloooooowing down felt amazing.
We turned around and Natalie did a winky sort of smile and said, “Less is more, isn’t it?”
Ugh, yes Natalie, you know-it-all bitch! (Just kidding, she was great, I just hate having to learn really simple lessons and feel like a dummy).
Anyway she must have known I was thinking smug thoughts because she immediately paired us off FOR MY WORST NIGHTMARE: unbroken eye contact with a partner while improv-ing for half of an INFINITE song.
I died several deaths in that minute and a half, but, I survived, and my friend K and I are now closer friends. I, I guess we had dance sex?
Anyway.
I think I’ll be much more comfortable making the minimal eye contact (that I always avoid) in any kind of dance now. And wow, what a lesson in having confidence in doing LESS… this validates my theory on Lindsay Lohan!!!
New four week course!!!! Starting this Thursday!!!! (AKA tomorrow), SO SIGN YOUR ASS UP.
So I was having a beer with a friend the other night.
After the show! (Re: sweaty, and I took my false eyelashes off)
Okay a couple of beers.
Okay, four.
But, he has a smartphone (like everybody else in the world, but to me that’s like having Google Glasses), and since he missed the February belly dance show in St. Mark’s Place, we looked up the video.
So, full disclosure, I had not watched the video.
This is not an accident.
I am terrified of this video. K has seen it and had a few mild criticisms (timing was off in a few places, hands didn’t match, she’s very contained in her style and I’m very showy). But every time I think of the show, I think of something the girl going on after us said backstage, as soon as we came off.
“Oh heeeey… that was really…. cute. How long have you been dancing for?”
If you speak dance you know that the translation back into normal English looks something like this:
“Oh heeeey… you guys are total amateurs. When did you take your first class? A week ago or just a few days? Now outta my way bitches, the show’s really about to be on.”
Okay, I’m exaggerating, but that’s how it feels when you’re already nervous to be half naked, you KNOW you blanked out on at least 4-5 seconds of choreo, and you’re having a fat day.
No bueno.
Anyway, I finally watched the video, and I saw some things that weren’t perfect, but I also saw a big smile on my friend’s face.
He liked it.
And you know what? I liked it too. It was cute, damn it.
The best part was, K and I looked like we were having fun. Somebody in the audience kept screaming “ME LIKEY” and I couldn’t help cracking up, which is so awesome and totally visible in the video. I think that’s what I’m going to remember most about this experience: being terrified under blinding lights, feeling nervous and shaky as hell, and then suddenly letting go and laughing at “ME LIKEY.” Because IT IS FUN TO DANCE. Go figure… through all the sweat and anxiety,long hours of practicing and criticizing and agonizing, it all becomes fun again when you share it with people.
Anyway, here’s just a short clip because this isn’t a pole show, but, it is performance oriented, and I learned a lot about enjoying dancing, regardless of perfection. (It’s surprisingly hard to remember sometimes that we do this because it’s fun, amirite??)
My first ever show! On campus at Pratt Institute in 2008. I was so terrified, I purposefully didn’t wear contacts so I couldn’t see the crowd.
It always reminds me of the feeling I used to get as a kid, when I couldn’t wait for my birthday, which happened to be a week before school started.
So, the big news is that my belly dance partner and crime K and I are debuting February 13th at Jebon on St. Marks place. I am so. Freaking. Excited. We’re been rehearsing really hard for a few months now with all original choreography, so now that we’ve done the work, it’s the fun part: costumes.
Hahahahaha fun? Bitch please. Try horrifying.
Let me first clarify that I like my body. It has served me very well in my time. That said, I am (ew barf I can’t believe I have to use this word) “womanly.” I have visible abs, but I’m also a little soft in places. This seems to me to be perfectly natural since, duh, i’m a woman. I eat healthy and I got plenty of exercise (in the studio, the gym, and carrying groceries up to my 4th floor walk up).
My body does what I ask of it on the pole, on the floor, and every place in between, so I’m thoroughly happy with it and the worrying ends there.
That is, until I put on the belly dance costume.
(NOTE:: ****I should clarify that the top half of this costume i’s not so much a costume as it is a balconet bra I bought at H&M. I have ginormous boobs, and “real” belly dance bras only come in small, medium, and large. I’m quite small (32″ band) AND large (D-DD), so, my options are limited.)
Me and K now, after a show
So anyway, here I am in the studio, under florescent lighting, in a freaking BRA, undulating my way down into a crouching position from THE SIDE. SO YOU CAN SEE ALL THE FAT ROLLS. AHHHHHH. And I’m panicking. Is 2 weeks enough time to lose 5 pounds? Can self tanner somehow magically help?
The really f***ed up thing is I’m in the greatest shape of my life right now. I LOVE how I look in clothes (thanks, pole!). But I feel like the standards for a body being displayed during a dance performance are totally different.
Like the hardcore-ness of your body is directly related to your amount of skill and self discipline in dancing.
Like no matter how hard I work nailing difficult moves, a soft middle screams “wannabe” anyway.
It’s very discouraging. And it doesn’t help that K is TINY. She’s both petite and about 90 pounds, so not only do I look a little on the flabby side next to her but I look like a freaking giant too. This is bad, guys. Please help me. I have two weeks.
Here’s my plan so far:
1. Focus on healthy fats and protein
I can’t starve myself right now, mostly because I really do need a lot of food for my lifestyle. I’m talking back to back pole classes and THEN a workout at the gym. None of these places are convenient locations for fainting. Also, fuck starving yourself. No.
BUT. If anything dials down on belly pudge, it’s skipping bread and sugar, right? Can’t hurt anyway.
2. Take care of my skin
I feel extra repulsive when all that extra flesh is also dry and icky looking. Now until February 13th is officially Exfoliation and Lotion Time. And performance night is going to require a shit ton of freaking shimmer, I don’t give a fuck. Yes.
3. Fluids?
This one I’m a tad sketchy on. A trainer friend of mine who also happens to be a show wrestler (hulk hogan type as opposed to skinny guys in jumpsuits, on mats) swears by this: chug tons of water in the weeks leading up to the event (to flush out bloat), then scale way back on fluids the day before and day of the event. I think I remember reading that Adriana Lima does this before Victoria’s Secret shows. I also remember thinking that it was batshit crazy.
Honestly I probably won’t do this one, except for the “drinking tons of fluids” part. That part seems good.
4. Self tanner
Yeah, actually, maybe not. Flabby and orange isn’t really an improvement on flabby and pale. Strike this one.
5. Beg K to let me change the angles on certain things
Crouching from the side… eesh. Or maybe we can incorporate some veil work here? Specifically holding up a veil to cover ourselves as we crouch from the side?
Here’s a funny story: one time, a woman came into my spins class and said she’d been wanting to take my class for months. I asked her why she waited so long. She said she thought she needed to lose 10 pounds before she could take a class like pole. (She was very, very slightly overweight by the way, this was not a safety issue).
Wait, did I say funny story? I meant a sad story, about a woman who didn’t think she was good enough at her current weight to take a damn EXERCISE CLASS.
WTF society, look what you’re doing. Stahp.
Anyway, how do you guys feel about the weight issue with pole? It’s hard to see all the top people in our sport looking soooooo tiny in their equally small costumes, and feel like we still have permission to even try.
Does fear about your body hold you back from performing? From wearing certain clothes to class?
Have you ever tried to lose weight for a show? (if so TELL ME ALL OF YOUR SECRETS)
And here’s your official invitation to the belly dance show! Yes, they spelled my name wrong. Come for the frozen sake, stay for (possibly orange), nervous-looking belly dancer 😉
Yeah yeah, I know, eff New Year Resolutions long and hard, amiright?
Christmas: me in the middle with my two sisters and mom. Happy Holidays!
Still, though.
1. Use my damn Groupons
I have so many awesome groupons for dance classes, yoga classes, and probably something ridiculous like welding lessons or a man’s shaving kit. I need to use these.
2. Go salsa dancing more
My friend is always asking me to go with her, but I usually don’t because 1. jealous dude in my life, and 2. $$$.
Now that the guy is out of the picture, spending $15 bucks to dancing with several skilled, handsome latino men seems like a bargain. L’chaim!
3. SPLITS.
I know, this is from my pole-specific resolution list, but, it’s important enough to list twice. I’m going to take pics of where I’m at and check it in a couple of months, just to shame myself into progressing. And I’m still eyeing that Alethea DVD set…
4. Perform
I mean, honestly, it might not happen with pole for a while. I’m kinda shy about pole. It’s very close to my heart. I generally love performing, but, like writing, it has varying degrees of shame attached to it. Pole is to performing what my junior high school poetry is to the blogging for my day job. The stakes are just so much higher because it’s PERSONAL.
Now bellydance on the other hand… not that I don’t take it seriously, but I have a comfort level with it that’s come with doing it for a few years now, and the fact that it happens in numbers. Oh, and much less chance of literally falling on my face. Anyway, my friend and I have been rehearsing very hard (once a week, rain or shine!) and we’re hoping to have a piece ready for a Valentine’s show! Woot woot!
5. Cook more
Yeah, file this under saving money. Chipotle and I need to have a legal separation.
6. Fall in love
7. …or at least don’t settle for anything not the real thing
From now on, it’s madly in love or just friends. No in between, no relationshits. No guys that I know from the start aren’t really going to do it for me. I’m a demanding, picky mofo and it’s time I embraced that and stop carrying on with miserable, half hearted dating situations.
8. Care less what other people think
My older sister will literally always roll her eyes if I mention pole dancing. It’s time to stop believing there are only two choices for reaction to this: A. feeling hurt and rethinking everything, or B. deciding she sucks. There’s a third choice, and that’s living and letting other live, and not expecting everybody to see things the way I do. I guess that’s like, growing a backbone and standing behind my life choices, right?
9. Do more to maintain my friendships
You guys, I’m so bad with this. There’s a reason I have friends at all my jobs and very few outside of work–I work all the time, and when I’m not working, I’m a hermit. I think I might tend towards introversion, because after I get off the clock I literally don’t want to see anything human. I think getting my own place this month (yay!) should help with this. Not that I don’t love my roommates dearly as people–just that some concentrated alone time as soon as I get home might charge me up better to actively spend more time with friends. Which I really need to do, because every time I reconnect with them, I remember how lucky I am to have great people around me. And how little I do to set aside time and energy for them. Sorry guys 😦 it’s not you, it’s me. For realz.
10. Get better at rejection
So rebounding is the key to success in life, I’ve decided. It’s funny how much more epic failure seems than success, isn’t it? The big thing I remember about this year is a few nasty emails from blog readers (professional, not this one) and a very kind rejection note from Nerve.com, whom I sent an essay. That they hated.
Funny how that stands out more than the fact that I was just published in a book (literally, a book… they just sent copies to my house!!), I started a fun new career that I kick ass at (holla, pole teaching!). On the personal side, I also peeled myself off the floor and rebounded from major heartbreak without skipping a beat (at least on the outside). I mean seriously. I don’t even think I went to work looking like crap or had a meltdown anywhere public (at least during the day time). Good, right?!
So, ladies. Fill me in. What’s your big area of improvement for 2013? Are you scared? I mean, 13’s my lucky number (long story, junior high volleyball team number), but I can imagine other people have yucky feelings about it.
Lessons pick up again on Thursday so be sure to sign up!
The only reason for having your own rules about things is to completely break them, right?
I don’t really like when people confuse pole dance with exotic dance. I mean, you can have pole dancing without stripping, and stripping without pole dancing. They’re not mutually exclusive.
So I like to mouth off about how I’m purist, and pole dance is dance, and it’s not to be confused with stripper stuff like rolling around on the floor and spreading your legs excessively. Because I don’t do THAT.
If chair dancing taught me one thing, it’s that the RNC could have been soooo much more entertaining.
Well, yeah. In the words of Rick Perry… oops.
A friend was taking a chair dance class and invited me along. And, to be honest, I wanted a break from all the pain and bruising for a while.
I feel kinda wimpy since laying around my house during hurricane sandy, and I need baby steps to get me back in the studio.
Also, my floor work definitely needs help, so I figured something slower and bendier might be in order. Besides, there’s no way “chair” could be harder than pole, right?
Yeah, it was hard. The class was only 45 minutes and I was sweating within 10. By the end, my legs were shaking and I was feeling lactic acid burn in my abs. And I train my abs, a lot! Go figure.
Here’s the thing: getting your legs straight and close to your face is not easy. Keeping them there while you open and close in patterns in much harder. Doing all that while balancing on the edge of a chair: SUPER FRICKIN’ HARD.
How great to have these moves in your arsenal though, right? Now when I want to do a mini workout before bed, screw sits up and push ups–I’m going to run through my chair routine! It’s got all the power ab and quad work with a nice side of flexibility training and floor-work drills.
And BONUS: while I have a personal policy against exploiting my pole moves for sex appeal, I have no such rule for chair dancing. So I totally did my new routine for a kinda-sort-boyfriendy type.
He liked it 😀
Anyway, I don’t think I’m going to move on to “lapdance” classes any time soon, but I really, really dug chair and I’m thinking about spending a little more time on floor work/dance moves in general for pole.
What do you guys do for cross training when you’re bored of pole? Do you separate pole from other “exotic” arts, or would you give another genre of sexy dance a try?
Don’t forget, there’s a new website for my studio! So make sure to sign up for my Monday spin class HERE.
Also, speaking of floorwork (and because I’m a bad business woman and I love giving other instructors my students), Alieesah is teaching an amazing Sensual Floor work class right before me. GET ON IT, seriously. I’m going to try and sneak in myself, if I can. 6-7pm, snitches!
I had an awesome guest at one of my classes last week: my friend K. from Bellyqueen classes!
She invited me along to watch a former dance partner of ours do a set at Poisson Rouge, so we finally got caught up. That’s when I mentioned my pole classes, and she being the doll that she is, said that she wanted to take one.
Aww. I love my friend K. She is so awesome and supportive. But honestly, I didn’t expect her to come to a class. This is because I’m the worst salesperson ever. You could flat out ask me if you could take a class with me and I’d probably say something like “Omg, you should totally take pole, it’s so fun! But it doesn’t have to be with me! Just, like, in general. If you want to. No pressure!”
So imagine my shock when I got a call from her on Monday asking which class she should join that night, and how to sign up.
Ahh. I was freaking out.
Here’s why I was nervous you guys: MY FRIEND IS A GREAT DANCER.
Better than me, because she’s been doing tribal belly dance for about 10 years longer. I swear, this girl can move each of her ribs separately. Cray cray.
Our troupe after a show last year 🙂
So next thing I know she’s in my class and I’m turning red trying to explain a hip circle/mini grind, all the while thinking that it sounds like an omi’s lazier, sluttier cousin.
But a funny thing happened: my friend came up to me after class beaming. “I LOVED IT,” she said. She wanted to take the intro class all over again.
“But won’t you be bored?” I asked. “It’s the same lesson–just the three dance moves again, with transitions and the same spin. I was so worried you’d think this was baby stuff after belly dance.”
“The spins are so hard on your arms! I was just glad when we did something I recognized,” she said, popping a killer hip circle.
I should have known. It’s not boring to do moves you’re familiar with in pole–it’s a relief!
Since reading Chwenny’s awesome post about ballet, I can help thinking that knowing a form of classical dance could really help with posture and alignment on the pole, not to mention flexibility.
But for me, belly dance really helped me with the moves that usually embarrass people. No, not the hard stuff–the sexy stuff!
The undulations, body waves, rolls, hip circles, grinds–was what made me breathe a sigh of relief between spins and holds. FINALLY, a way of moving my body I’m familiar with! And it doesn’t even bruise you!
I’m not sure I’d go as far as spending the time or money to take pole AND belly dance classes, but I know my background really helped me. Having access to your muscles and being able to isolate them in the way that belly dance teaches you is extremely useful on the pole.
Really quickly, because I like lists, here’s now a belly dance background has helped me:
1. Doings lots of things at once
We call it “layering” in belly dance: combining moves at different tempos. For example: undulating your belly while “shimmering” (teeny, tiny shimmy all over your body) and slowly raising your arms.
It’s a lot like set drumming: you’ve got one beat for your bass drum foot, one for your snare drum, one for your hi-hat. And they’re all going at separate speeds.
Being able to multitask with body parts is suuuuper helpful in pole when you’re trying to remember to point your toes while changing your grip and hooking a leg… on spin mode.
2. Flexibility in “lady” places
I don’t mean flexibility to, say, do a split, but in having the ability to pop your chest way to the side, or push out a hip in a big way, while keeping other parts of your body still. The flexibility to really exaggerate your womanly curves (ew, that sounds gross, but hips/chest, you know what I mean) is what gets your movements to POP. Especially when you contrast it with the straightness of a pole. OH SNAP, T&A everywhere. Yes please.
3. Posture, Posture, Posture
One of the hardest things to learn–and most impossible to unlearn!–in belly dance is being totally mindful of your body alignment.
Since belly dancers are often juggling many movements at a time, we know our base posture needs to be in check. If you’ve got your arms AND your hips moving, your midsection better be stable and still, or you’re going to just look like a mess with no discernible, purposeful dance moves.
Here’s the science (not really): If you’re not keeping something straight and still, there’s nothing to contrast the movement against. That’s why a beautiful snake arm with lazy posture doesn’t really look like anything!
In a roundabout way, having this kind of full body awareness is really helpful when you start doing strength moves in pole, or even just more controlled spins.
Mentally separating yourself from (ouch) the pain of friction on your arms and legs and being aware of the big picture is what elevates it all to art–that arch in the back, the controlled, straight extension of the leg with pulled in abs. CONTROL. Janet Jackson. You get me?
And yes, pole is about digging in and getting sexy, but sexy turns into sloppy without discipline. That’s why belly dance is so sexy! It’s CONTROLLED.
Thus, you need to know how to lean in and get slinky with 60% of your body while keeping the rest of the movements straight and clean. Or that 60% is nothing. Nothing, I say!
4. Directing attention
Sometimes, it’s all about the small movements in belly dance. A single hip figure eight. A hand gesture. A tiny belly release. You might miss them if the belly dancer doesn’t know how to make you look–which is thankfully a skill of ours 🙂
Getting you to NOT look at things is another side of the same coin. This is super handy with pole, because, as we all know, getting into a move can be ugly as hell!
That’s why it’s great to know how distract people: big sweeping upper body movements as you climb (with nasty monkey feet :D)! Hair flips and back arches as we clumsily brace ourselves to stand back up in heels!
It’s all misdirection, and I learned everything I know about it from belly dance.
—
I could go on, but I’ll stop myself. I’m starting to miss belly dance 😦
Any of you guys take another form of dance? I’ve found Salsa really helpful–especially for getting comfortable with dancing on offbeats and digging into hip movements, arching a lot, etc. Let me know what you’d recommend!
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 