Gross stuff nobody tells you about pole dancing: YOUR BUTT SWEATS/IS TRYING TO KILL YOU

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Le me, poling at home:

lol nbd, hanging upside down, then answering a text. Ain’t nothing but a thang.

Me in the studio last night: FALLING. CANNOT STAY ON THE DAMN POLE.

Like, wearing the short shorts, gripping in the right spot, legs locked, and WHOOMPH, right down like a firefighter for a 5 alarm fire.

I kept putting Dry Hands on my inner thighs, which would work for 5 seconds and then I would start sliding again. So frustrating. Until I figured it out what the problem was.

You guys: GLUTEAL FOLD SWEAT.

If you know anything about pole competitions, you’ll know what gluteal fold is (the part where your butt and your legs UNITE (please read that in a Captain Planet voice, it would make me happy), that is not allowed to show in some of the serious competitions).

I was wearing shorty shorts where were totally covering my GF, but, they probably weren’t tight enough. As in, they weren’t close enough to my skin to prevent the inevitable hour-and-15-minutes-into-an-intense-class-sweat from pooling nastily in the inner thigh area… which I kind of needed to be all dry and reliable if I wasn’t going to fall to my death.

You had one job, thighs.

So there you have it: gluteal fold sweat. A thing you need to worry about now. But thankfully, a thing that can be resolved with tighter shorts… preferably cotton ones (polyester/spandex blends is probably another source of the problem).

I wish the world understood this. Can we pass out fliers or something? “Pole dancers must wear tight/small clothing, this has nothing to do with sluttiness.”

So what’s new with y’all? I learned a very pretty compass spin at B&P last night that I can’t show you because my house is small and I keep kicking my refrigerator. Fill me in!

XOXO

Longest. Day. Ever.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

So, I don’t exactly pole for a living. I have two other jobs… a day job, and a no-free-time-after-my-day-job-job.

In case you’re curious, here’s a picture of my day so far: I worked my gym job from 6-10am (which means a 4:30am wake-up call), and now I’m at my day(re: writing/editing) job, where I just got the call that both my Intro (nooooob) and Pleaser (choreo/heels class) are filled up and on… and taking place back to back.

I’m super excited because classes have been slow lately… but wow, this definitely calls for a 9th or 10th cup of coffee today. Oy vey.

Oh well. I’ve got my heels. I’ve got the “fuck it all” attitude that only sleep deprivation can create. I’ve also got some really, really tight shorts today, so you know class is going to be good. BRING IT.

In other news: PROGRESS!!!! By my 3rd day of practice I’m hitting a static AND a spinning “Jenyne” climb really consistently, and I learned a new straight-leg sit (look ma, no hands! or feet!) that looks sooooo pretty and ballerina-y.

I need to take a picture and send it to my parents so that that’s the image they have of me dancing forever.

Anyway, I’m pretty sore and rather hideously banged up in the inner thigh and foot area, but, that just makes me feel scrappy… so let’s do this.

Anybody try the Ms. Butterfly climb? Hope everybody’s making mini breakthroughs this week.

Happy Twirls!
Cathy

Getting MAD FIT in 8 super weird places

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

ImageAh, more reasons to love pole. So. Freaking. Much.

I know a lot of people dance to mix up their work out routines (great idea, by the way!), but fitness has always been just a nice plus of pole for me.

I mean… I’m the type that gets really frustrated when my muscles start giving out because dang, I wanted to practice that one thing one more time!

But the weird thing is, it’s always super random muscles that get tired from pole. Last night I had to give laybacks a rest not because my legs were giving out, but because my big toe was cramping.

Seriously?

Seriously big toe? You’re going to play me like that?

As our instructors like to say though, you can’t ignore even the little muscle issues because a toe cramp can definitely screw with your leg muscles, which can in turn screw with your grip.

Which can then screw with your head. Because you landed on it. OH SNAP.

But seriously, cramps aside, here are weird muscle groups I’ve noticed I’m accidentally keeping in top condition:

1. Inner thighs

Okay this is actually pretty awesome. I remember being in middle school and finding out what “thunder thighs” meant for the first time, staring at my legs for a bit, then frantically doing leg lifts out of my mom’s Jane Fonda book.

Eventually though, I realized “spot reducing” is kinda BS, and resigned myself to a little inner thigh chub. NBD, right?

NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE AMAZING INNER THIGHS. Holy crap, trying not to die while hanging upside down from your thighs is like, the best training ever, apparently, because my inner thighs are looking boss. I mean, I guess I’ll take it?

2. Deltoids

This kinda pisses me off, because I assumed that pole dance would trick out my arms. Nope, just the shoulders.

In fact, the contrast between my super tight delts and loose, ever-so-floppy triceps just makes the whole arm situation look worse. Damn you, fiercely toned delts. Damn you to hell.

3. Calves

Can’t pretend to be angry about this. “Imaginary high heels” at all times (ie. standing on your toes) makes for some awesome, accidentally toned calves that look baller in real heels.

Downside: the shame of running in shoes with lifts in the back. The guy at the shoe store was horrified by by my apparent muscle imbalances, so that’s what I ended up with.*Shame*.

4. Forearms, wrists, and hands

This is kind of a do or die situation, really. After I weaned myself off Dry Hands (grip aid’s a hell of a drug!), my wrists and hands had to get stronger… because I couldn’t really spare any more skin rubbing off, and they must have known that.

I mean, I guess my forearms never really looked fat or anything, but I can the difference. I find myself giving very intimidating handshakes. Though that could also be the cray cray callouses I have, that are scary people. Whoops.

5. Obliques

ROCK ON, I love my new side abs! Kinda wish the rest of the abs would catch up, but I’ll take what I can get. I think it’s all the leg swinging, twisting, and wrapping, but I can actually see individual, Bat-man ablets happening along my rib cage. That’s DEFINITELY a pole perk.

6. Upper back

Holy god is all I can say about this. In addition to posture improvement, my upper back is mighty fine in the muscle department. I think it’s safe to say that this is where the majority of effort is coming from in pole, not arms (at least with spins).

7. Feet and ankles

Weird, right? But all the push offs, the climbing, the ankle hook make their mark. I’m hoping this helps with running, since the top of my feet tend to get tired. Is there a word for that muscle? Moving on.

8. Biceps

Okay this is not a weird muscle. But yes, climbing and inverting will tone the shit out of it.

Any weird places you’ve noticed firming up with pole?

How about muscles you WISH would get stronger, to help with dance?

I work with a lot of personal trainers at my day job so I’m thinking of asking them for help with a strength building routine. If they give me a baller work-out, I’ll be sure to share!

Happy twirls!

Cathy

Thigh holds update:

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

I’ll be brief: THEY DON’T HURT LIKE A MOFO ANYMORE!

They still hurt, but, as I cheating on my studio yet again last night, I found I was able to maintain a pole sit indefinitely while waiting for the rest of the class to even climb. We’re talking at least a minute. (!!)

Also, CLIMBING! I need to start timing myself because I feel like I was getting major air over and over like a freaking monkey.

I’m not blathering on about this to brag, but because I remember all to clearly trying these things for the first time.

They were impossibly hard, and painful, and I remember thinking, There’s no way I’ll ever be able to do this.

(*Freddy Mercury fist*)

Practice makes perfect guys, it really, truly does.

It also makes killer biceps 😉

OPEN HOUSE TONIGHT! EDC studios on 5th and 28th St at 6pm! I’m teaching intro and spins, starting at 6:30, but there’s tons of great non-pole classes you can sample too! Totally free.

JOIN US. (Read that in a creepy cult voice).

More later when I’m not swamped.

Happy twirls!
Cathy

The agony and the ecstasy… of thigh holds.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Okay, let’s play “why do Cathy’s inner thighs hurt like a mofo today?!”

a. She got that Suzanne Sommers leg squeezer mcgee thing

b. Loooooots of sex (haha jkjk, I’d have to have a life for that!)

c. Lay backs.

Great job, you guess it–I bought a Thigh Master!

Joking. I popped my lay back cherry!!!

Here’s what pisses me off about pole dancing: IT LOOKS TOO DAMNED EASY. I’ve seen laybacks and deathlays and inverts and always been like, yeah whatever, haven’t gotten to that yet, NBD.

Correction: such a big deal. I had no idea.

Let’s clear something up. When you see a girl flip upside down while holding the pole with her legs, this is what’s happening: she’s supporting her full body weight with what’s essentially the worst indian burn of her life.

One of my favorite YouTubers, Dirdy Birdy, demonstrates a layback.

Until a callus develops. So everyone says, in a reassuring manner. I feel weird looking forward to that because it sounds gross.

You guys, my thighs are both aching and burning right now. I don’t know whether to do ice, or Bengay, or just antigonize the blister on my wrist a little to confuse my nerves and makes my legs stop hurting.

And here’s the worst part: ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS PRACTICING LAYBACKS.

That’s pole, folks. Anybody who’s ever fallen madly in love with it can attest to this. This is why we’re walking around bruised up, pole-burned, and with half the skin rubbed off of our wrists. Because we’re dumb, and obsessed, and we ignore the pain. We love it that much. (Wow, this sounds a little like an abusive relationship, huh? Oh well.)

I kinda wish I had taken more pictures of how badly I beat myself up last fall when I was just starting out. But for now, let me start putting together a montage of minor injuries from the few that I have… to be continued!

PS. Remember to come to a class this Saturday! I’m teaching Intro and Spins–here’s the schedule.

Happy twirls,

Cathy