Dear men: here’s how to ruin a date with a pole dancer.

I’m sure you guys have seen those “ruin a date with an XYZ in 5 words or less” hashtags floating around, and I have SO many thoughts on this, as a pole dancer.

This is a picture of a bitchy-looking christmas tchotchke that says "Noel" but I like how it looks like it says "Noe" kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.
This is a picture of a bitchy-looking Christmas tchotchke that says “Noel” but I like how it looks like it says “Noe” kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.

I was able to jot down one or two or five “infivewords” date-ruiners, but, let me expound on them a little, just for shits and giggles.

Boys who want to date pole dancers, listen up:

1. “Have you ever considered stripping?”

Would you ever ask a girl this on a date?

How about a dancer?

Still no? THEN DO NOT ASK ME.

2. “Why not wear more clothes?”

God, how many times do I need to explain friction.

Also, this is vaguely slut-shamey and I don’t appreciate being put on the defense about how not a whore I am.

3. “Give me a private show!”

See question 1.

4. “Oh wow, so you strip?”

No, why, do you?

5. “My friend’s a stripper too!”

Can’t speak, just knocked myself unconscious by banging my head on the dinner table.

 

Actually let’s simplify this–here’s how to avoid offending a pole dancer:

1. Don’t assume she’s a stripper

2. Don’t assume her style is sexy and that she’ll “dance for you”

3. Don’t put her on the defense based on your assumptions

 

And even better–how to make a pole dancer wildly happy:

1. Ask her friendly, polite questions about dancing that don’t drip with fear and judgement

2. Give her the benefit of the doubt

3. Tell her it looks hard and ask her how a trick you saw once works (WE WILL GEEK OUT SO HARD).

Got something to add?

I especially want to hear it if someone actually said it to you…

BREAKING NEWS: Smart and Sexy Not Mutually Exclusive

Let me start off this post with a resounding DAMN IT.

Does this pole make me look slutty?
Does this pole make me look slutty?

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL.

Whew. I feel better. Onward!

So, like, what’s up with this trend of female rappers and singers bragging about throwing money at strippers?

It’s almost like it’s a requirement to be allowed in the hip hop world as a female (and not as a video girl) that you shit on other girls (the video kind). To be one of the boys you have to objectify other women–just like the boys do.

But it’s okay, because those video girls are totally not smart, tomboy types that are allowed to be considered smart and cool–they’re sexy. They’re strippers. Let them crawl around on the floor and pick up our money with their teeth. It’s not like they’re people who can be multiple things. They are sexy, and so they can only be one thing: sexy things that are sexy sex that people want to have sex with.

Tell me you don’t see what I’m talking about:

Or HEAR what I’m talking about:

This is part of why I love telling people I pole. Because they’re all, BUT YOU’RE NOT A DUMB WHORE. And I’m like EXACTLY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

We have no problem with men being smart and successful and sexy as hell. Why not women?

Why can’t we own it and love it, and not have to trade off other parts of ourselves, like intellect, or humor, or for god’s sake, humanity?

Which is why I say damn it. Damn it all. But I’m not giving up on people. I’m not going to go into hiding, or quit pole because it makes people’s brains explode that I’m not a bimbo.

I told a guy I know that I teach pole the other day, and he said he thought it was cool. Then  I made a joke about how my mom doesn’t get it, and he said, “Why would you tell ever her that?!”

…Why would I tell her?

Why wouldn‘t I tell her?

The real question is, why would I do something and make it such a huge part of my life if I also think it’s so unacceptable that I have to hide it? From my own mom?

I’m not going to cave to this idea that you have to choose between being smart and being sexy.

Frankly, that’s a steaming pile of bull shit and sorry to go all Hot Topic on you, but I refuse to conform.

Ladies and Gentleman, I POLE DANCE.

I FEEL SEXY DOING IT.

I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE AND A FULL TIME JOB, BUT THIS MAKES MY LIFE FEEL MORE FULL AND COMPLETE.

I’m not giving it up and I’m not hiding, because I don’t see anything wrong with it.

If you can’t handle it, you have the problem and need to work on it. Not me.

POLE PROUD ladies. Get it, and don’t apologize for it.

Damn.

Okay, that’s off my chest. New schedule!!!! I’m teaching a pole dynamics 4-week course on Tuesdays starting in March, plus the usual spins and intro classes on Thursdays and Saturdays. Sign up on the website to secure your spot (especially for dynamics, which is strictly one-to-a-pole and fills up fast!)

Happy twirls!

Cathy

I believe I can flyyyyyy

Literally.

So first of all, HI SNITCHES! I’ve been away…  doing a little of this:

And a teeny, tiny bit of this:

Baaaaaaaaaaaallin’.

So basically, my birthday happened (eww, getting old, gross) which meant a pilgrimage to my home country (upstate New York) to hang out with my parents and re-enact parts of my childhood, like looking at my mom’s flower bed, walking around the block with my lil sis, and going flying with my dad.

My dad, who’s closing in on his 1000th hour in the sky, has been flying since the 70’s for fun…. because people did weird shit like that for fun in the 70’s.

I was raised on 20 minute trips to the Oneida County Airport, saying “Niner niner!” and the gumball machine by the Upstate Flying Club sign out counter. (Gum helps you equalize your ears, which was always my excuse for begging for some, pre-flight).

A few years ago, while I was still coming home for the summers, I was even working on  my pilot’s license, to my dad’s delight. I had a female flight instructor named Adina that I paid for with my lifeguarding money ($75 an hour!), studied my flash cards, and wrote in flight sessions in my log book. All until I ran out of money and moved to New York City to be A Writer.

Now, not so much to my dad’s delight, I dance on poles. And write! But it’s the dancing on poles part that I know bugs him.

My mom’s having a hard time with my new hobby too.

They were both okay with my illustrious bellydance career (I was in an off-off-off broadway show!), but, though that arguably involved less clothing, it was more easily put in the “art” category of dance.

Now, even when I try to tell my parents about climbs, spins, and inversions I’m working on (so not sexy! This is totally a serious sport!) they tell me I’ll paralyze myself.

You’ll shoot yer eye out, kid!

It’s impossible to win: do spinning and floorwork, you’re too sexy. Do inversions and holds, you’re PUTTING YOUR LIFE IN DANGER, CATHY.

*sigh*

Truth of the matter is, pole IS sexy. It DOES involve your body, and scantily-cladness.

Maybe that’s okay.

Our manager likes to say at EDC that it takes balls to call ourselves “Exotic Dance Central,” while it’s easier to go by “pole fitness” something or other, and not offend anybody.

But at the end of the day, whatever stereotypes or fears people have about connections to The Industry That Shall Not Be Named, pole dancing is still dancing on a pole. Some people are going to call it exercise, some people are going to call it stripping. But what is really is is dance.

Use it to get fit. Use it to feel sexy.  Use it for whatever you can get from it, and enjoy every minute.

Just don’t use it for approval from others–because that might be a taller order.

I especially know my dad will be a hard sell, since he still sees me as a 5 year old wearing a huge headset and chewing gumballs. But I’m going to keep working on him. I have this hunch that when you’re doing things with a pure heart, other people will come around.

Meanwhile, I did get SOME family approval during my trip–from my little sis (not so little at 23). She picked up my camera while I was out and found a few practice videos. I was immediately concerned when she told me she watched them, but she just smiled and said… “That was really cool.”

Gotta love family.

How do you guys talk to your family about dance? Do you feel like you get a lot of judgement from people?

Spins class tonight at 7–I’m back and getting straight into the swing of things 🙂

Happy twirls!

Cathy