So here’s how you know you’ve made it: somebody goes to the trouble of creating a temporary email account just so they can say something generically mean on your tiny pole blog. (You’re a slut who is dumb! and ugly! You are an ugly, dumb slut! (paraphrasing, but you get the idea)).
I mean, honestly, I’m flattered. I’ve been hungry for like, an hour, and I’m not eating yet because I can’t be bothered to stand up and retrieve the apple I know I have in the fridge.
And this person created a WHOLE EMAIL ACCOUNT.
FOR ME.
But, gentle troller, here’s what I take issue with:
(in list form, of course):
1. You called me a “jump off” and I had to look it up for the privilege of being insulted.
No lie, I had to use urban dictionary because I didn’t know what a jump off was. All for the reward of having my feelings mildly hurt. What’s so wrong with the word “whore,” amirite?
2. You said I should apologize for my face. That’s fair, but then I had to go and find a picture of my face to post and it was time consuming and reminded me of an unsavory date.
Just to respond to this statement in a smart ass fashion, I had to dig through my camera for an actual close up photo of my face, of which I have very, very few. I found this one, which I took before a blind date a couple of weeks ago because I liked my eye makeup (ironically, it didn’t really show up in the two photos).
Anyway, I’m annoyed because now I’m looking at this photo, and I’m remembering how awkward that date was, because I got there and the guy was soooo obviously gay, but didn’t seem to know it, and I just kept ordering drinks and asking questions about his job because POLITENESS.
Wait what were we talking about? Oh yeah, sorry for my face!
3. You called me dumb and that offends me on behalf of pole dancers
Le sigh.
Listen, I’m really not insecure about being smart or dumb, or whatever.
I was a bookworm in school. I took calculus and read heavy books and learned to fly a plane and got scholarships, etc, not that any of that matters. To be frank, this whole sexy girl-on-a-pole identity is pretty new to me, so it’s almost flattering to be called something akin to a slut. I have literally never been called that. It’s… interesting.
But I think it’s super lame for girls put other girls in one of same two, age-old categories: smart and unattractive, or sexy and dumb.
I mean, I guess you put me in the sexy category because of the jump-off thing, (thanks!), but poo on you for doing the same, boring ol’ stereotype thing I know you wouldn’t want done to you: one-dimensionalizing multi-dimensional people because they have vaginas. And possibly because you’re threatened by their sexy(ish?) pole dancing hobbies.
That sucks, please don’t do that.
If it freaks you out that sometimes girls do sexy things like pole dance and ALSO make complete sentences, welp, that sucks. Because it’s very reflective of a society that makes us choose every day: smart or sexy. Dumb or ugly. Winning or losing. It makes us scared and cagey about what each of us has got to offer. I get that.
But I still think it doesn’t have to be that way.
Anyway, to EVERYBODY: thank you for reading, thank you for commenting (nice or mean, feedback is always so exciting and appreciated), and thank you, troller, for helping me toughen up a little. I hope that if you’re going through something that’s bumming you out, or you had an experience that made you dislike pole girls, it works out. We’re not so bad, I promise.
Love and happy twirls,
Cathy
Where did the time go?! I just realized that it’s been almost 2 years since that fateful day that I first printed a Groupon for a pole dancing class and my life changed forever (or, for at least two years or so).
It was something I’d been curious about for a while, but I think the real push to actually GO to the class came from just getting out of a relationship.
Or, more accurately, a relationshit.
You know when you’re in a relationship, and nothing dramatic happens–no one cheats, no one beats up anybody’s siblings at family parties, no one has substance abuse issues–but things just… get shitty?
Like, the tone the other person uses to ask about your friend Joe’s job search just suddenly really pisses you off, or you have a three hour screaming fight because he doesn’t like that your ex works a block away from your office and is friends with you on Facebook, but Jesus, why can’t he just trust you? (Not taking this from real life, tooootally making it up. Cough cough).
It’s when you can’t remember the good feelings feelings you once had, because the bad ones pile up like manure on rose bushes and who can smell flowers through the overpowering aroma of shit, shit, SHIT?
Okay I’m being over-the-top here, but the point is, though the “slow fade” is totally the best kind of break up (since all the SWEET, SWEET FREEDOM overpowers the sad feelings), it’s still going to sting.
You’re still going to be lonely.
You’re still going to wonder if you’re really all that, without a boyfriend around as proof.
You’re going to need validation, the company of friends, and exercise.
Lady, you need pole.
Let me break it down for you:
Reasons Why Pole Will Help Immensely In Your Breakup Survival
1. You will look like a fine, fine dime piece (that he dropped, whoops, watch out, somebody else is picking that up!), thanks to a combination of serious toning and carrying yourself like a BOSS.
2. You can sweat out your pain without having to deal with the gym. And let’s face it, you need all the endorphins you can legally get.
3. You will make tons of supportive female friends. (Seriously. They will clap for you when you get a new trick. Everyone needs applause in their lives).
4. You can EXPRESS YOURSELF (Evanescence, anyone?).
5. You will be distracted (yay, learning new things! What’s his name again?)
6. You will have a place to go at a certain time that is not your apartment, where the ice cream and your cell phone is. Keep that schedule full, girl. Classes, classes, classes.
7. You will have new goals to keep your life on track (“I can’t drink myself into a stupor, I have a pole class in the morning and my Superman is soooooo close!”).
8. Your ex will cry when he finds out. (Mine did. They all do. Enjoy).
9. You will feel sexy and amazing about yourself without making any bad, boy-related decisions.
10. IN FACT: you’re going to get choosier about boys. You’re going to get choosier about everything in your life, because you realized through pole that you are AMAZING. You are strong and sexy, and you have a community behind you.
Him? Oh, like that Beyonce song, he’s replaceable. But you? He’s going to have to look looooong and hard for another one. And she probably still won’t come close.
Anybody else take up pole after breaking up? ADMIT IT! Or if it made your relationship awesome, tell me about that, too. GIVE ME HOPE.
Happy (single!) twirls,
Cathy
We all know pole has a… reputation. And most of us struggle all the time to defend it.
“It’s not about men!”
“Nobody’s taking off clothes!”
“It’s an incredible workout!”
But, at the end of the day… shit, pole is sexy, mang. And we KNOW it. And we LERVE it.
So, do you tone it down when a judgmental friend asks for a demo?
What if, say, you were going to be in a promo vid for your studio that lots of people might see?
(Um, yeah, this is TOTALLY hypothetical and not a thing that is about to happen next week. Cough.)
When I’m just rocking out for me… it’s definitely chest to the ground, booty in the air. That’s just how I naturally roll. And I think it works for me, because lots of times when I ask my students what their goals are, they say, “I WANNA LOOK JUST LIKE YOU.” Which I assume means whatever their version of confident and sexy is.
(That’s probably the best compliment you can get, by the way, because that’s totally how I feel around MY idols)
But, I don’t know. I want to give us pole gals a good name, not a skanky one. I don’t want to fulfill ALL the stereotypes.
But at the same time, pole IS sexy, and I’m proud of it, and I kinda want to work it out, ya know?
HEEEELP. Give me your opinions, ALL OF THEM. What would you do?
PS. I don’t bother posting classes week to week anymore because I’m mostly doing 4-week courses now instead of drop ins! But, we’re just finishing up a term so if you want in on the pole dynamics action, get thee to our website and sign up!! Level 2’s happening now too (not with me, sadly, but it will still kick your butt, promise), so, get some! Just go here and click over to “courses and series.” My new Level 1’s going to be 6:30 to 8pm on Thursday. Hope to see you!
❤ and the happiest of twirls,
Cathy
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 