Er, like, side-calf. Where your calf connects to something hard and probably important on the side of your leg.
Like, you know that cute little line down the outside of your calf? Yeah, that’s where things are ALL messed up.
I did the successful Marleys (BOTH SIDES) a week ago and felt something kinda… spasm… when I grabbed my feet. Now I can’t even crouch without falling over in a dramatic fashion, clutching my leg and making a crazy pain face.
…so what did I do?!!!! Have you guys experienced this? All my CPT friends insist on foam rolling the crap outta me, but it’s not helping 😐
Anyway, I hope I heal soon because GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT: my freelance photog friend is going to help my document some of my tricks!
I’m super jazzed about somebody else taking pictures of me because the better my tricks get, the worse I am at taking capturing them. I mean, I can’t really get into a butterfly or marley before the 10 second timer on my camera goes off and not break my neck, you dig? So it’s been difficult trying to track my progress. Which is sad, because SHOWING OFF: I love it.
Anyway, what’s everybody working on? Are we all wussing out because it’s hot and nobody feels like doing anything difficult?
I have an air conditioner this summer for the first time in 6 years of living in New York, so, I’m really excited that I can practice at home this year! (And without coating my entire body in Dry Hands (!!)).
(Please read that in the voice of Cher, re: makeovers).
SO, I’m working on a routine!
This is hard!
First, let me give you guys that advice I’ve been given, and then YOU give YOURS. Because, I’m stuck. I have this awful habit of re-inventing the wheel every time I dance to a song. No matter what I have written down (yes I’m being all official about it), every time my music starts, I do something different. HELP ME COMMIT.
Here’s what I’ve heard so far about The Process of choreographing (word? not a word?):
1. Choose 3 tricks and build your dance around them
This is sooooooo helpful. If you can think of the three tricks you want to include (your music can advise as to what feels right/fits the mood/theme), you can think about spreading them out well, THEN fill spaces between with transitional moves. GENUIS. I love a general layout for writing, why not dancing?
2. Waste time
It’s hard to remember while dancing (or choreographing) but it takes an audience at least a few seconds of watching a move to even register what you’re doing. So I think especially for the first 10-15 seconds of a song, extremely simple moves are a good way to ease into a dance… and make sure you’ve got everybody’s attention for when you’re ready for a trick.
3. Make a list
…of everything you know how to do.
For me, I wrote down key words/phrases of the song I’m using (Running, by Jessie Ware) and a few moves that kinda conjured that emotion for me.
Examples:
“falling” (back hook spin, Juliet spin, recliner)
“running” (hang man spin, half bracket hold with “walk,” pirouettes, headstand “walk outs”)
“I just go weak” (spin in arch, bridge slide, back bend with extended leg)
…and a bunch of other stuff I don’t have names for. (That’s the annoying thing about pole… not knowing what the heck to call the stuff you know how to do).
Anyway, that’s all I got, and I’m stuck, guys!
Here, listen to my song and tell me shit to do that you think would look good!
Also, please, share your tricks for getting the Choreography Muse to visit. I tried leaving her cookies and milk, but that might just work for Santa.
So I thought I would be all sneaky and take a break from boring old pole and slip into a Bellyqueen class this week.
HAHAHAHAno.
I was there two relaxing minutes before the worst possible opening words of a class EVER were uttered:
“Today we’re working on improv!”
…
Cue me running screaming from the classroom.
Of course, I didn’t do that. I just shot a death glare at my friend for not warning me ahead of time, BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE MAKING THINGS UP.
IT IS VERY SCARY.
Anyway, luckily, we did this thing first where we made a circle and faced OUTSIDE–as in, no eye contact with anyone! And then we just listened to the music and attempted to dance. With no mirrors! (I cheated though, because I was facing a window).
We did that for three minutes or so, then faced the circle again, sheepishly.
Our (terrific) instructor Natalie then had us do silly stuff like trace the letters of our names with arm or leg movements to help us break out of our usual ruts.
(I take this to mean that while watching everyone, she noticed that we were all just doing variations on “snake arms” for the whole 3 minutes).
An aside: it’s hard to feel like you have permission to try new anything you haven’t done a million times in a class. There’s a lot of self imposed pressure to do the “right” things. But how boring is that?
We turned around again (me furiously avoiding my reflection in that damn window), and this time Natalie called out sections of the body–upper, lower, everything. I thought I would run out of ideas, but really focusing just on one part, even one movement, like a bump or drop, or figure eight, was really freeing and I started coming up with moves I haven’t tried in years. The pressure to do ALL THE THINGS at once was lifted. I found myself popping out new really pretty hand gestures or foot movements, and even layering facial expressions (!!!). I don’t usually have the confidence to commit to just one movement, but having permission–wow, it was great. Sloooooowing down felt amazing.
We turned around and Natalie did a winky sort of smile and said, “Less is more, isn’t it?”
Ugh, yes Natalie, you know-it-all bitch! (Just kidding, she was great, I just hate having to learn really simple lessons and feel like a dummy).
Anyway she must have known I was thinking smug thoughts because she immediately paired us off FOR MY WORST NIGHTMARE: unbroken eye contact with a partner while improv-ing for half of an INFINITE song.
I died several deaths in that minute and a half, but, I survived, and my friend K and I are now closer friends. I, I guess we had dance sex?
Anyway.
I think I’ll be much more comfortable making the minimal eye contact (that I always avoid) in any kind of dance now. And wow, what a lesson in having confidence in doing LESS… this validates my theory on Lindsay Lohan!!!
New four week course!!!! Starting this Thursday!!!! (AKA tomorrow), SO SIGN YOUR ASS UP.
Okay, so, I arranged (and paid) for internet to happen at my new apartment when I moved in.
6 months ago.
Um, and I still don’t have it, because I have not been home to receive the modem. Like, ever.
Still working on that, but the point is, until I have magical internet, I’m switched over from “normal” Netflix to “poor people” Netflix, which means I get DVDs in the mail. (I can only paint my nails after dinner so many times, you guys).
Anyway, it was cool for a while, but after a few weeks, I started getting Random Shit. Stuff that I added to my DVD queue like, a year ago, and can’t remember why I wanted to see it.
Coincidentally, I was getting really into pole a year ago.
That’s the only reason I could think of for why, as I tore open the red envelope last week, I Know Who Killed Me was staring back at me. Whaaaaaaat?
OH WAIT. She pole dances in that ish!
So, I checked the rest of my queue, and there it is: tons of awful, awful movies that happen to feature a minute or two of pole dancing. Showgirls. Striptease. Powder Blue. Closer. Crap, most of it.
I guess I could just remove the movies from my queue. But… I’m not going to lie to you. I am totally going to let them come to my house, and when I do, I watch them start to finish. Even though I will probably learn nothing from them at this point in my dancing career, I still feel compelled to sit through these movies. Maybe just to feel superior to the actresses struggling with a reverse hook spin.
Lindsay in action
Whatever the reason, if I’m going to be a judgey asshole, I may as well do so with you guys. So let’s all feel better than Natalie Portman TOGETHER. You with me? Cool, let’s do this. Get some popcorn.
MOVIES WITH POLE: VOLUME 1
Film:I Know Who Killed Me
Star: Lindsay Lohan
Movie Quality: I told a friend I was going to watch this, and he said he saw parts of it on TV and it was “bewildering.” He was right.
Dance Skills: (Out of 10): 3 for actual pole technique, 7 for sensual movement. (And the thing with the cigarette. WAT. This doesn’t get points added or subtracted for technique, but it begs a mention.)
Highlights: Cute stripper push up where she finishes with a perfectly-timed hair flip/kick combo. I like your style, kid.
Lowlights: Did I mention the cigarette? This is less about dancing than… yuck. Also, the “bonus” footage (re: less artfully edited) of Lindsay’s pole dance on the DVD reveals that her basic fireman spin involves both feet in front of the pole. Tsk tsk.
Reality check: As part of a key plot point, Lindsay dances with silk, elbow-length gloves on. Um, no.
So how much of this was editing?: A loooooooot. A quick review of the “Bonus” dance footage on the DVD special features reveals that the “above the waist” shooting while Lindsay was on the pole was indeed a deliberate move. She’s good at faking as far as face, hair, and spin momentum, but the legs are a big ol’ mess. Also, the entire dance is in slow motion–which makes a simple move like opening your legs look extremely impressive, and other moves (that were rushed or jumped into in reality) seem super sensual. Too bad we can’t do that in real life. It is EFFECTIVE.
My takeaway: It’s easy to make a pole dance look incredibly sexy through the lens of a camera. There was a lot of slo-mo and zooming in on facial expressions, shoes, legs, hair… so ladies, we all need to go easier on ourselves when it comes to dancing perfectly for a whole song. We’re doing an extremely difficult job really well.
THAT SAID: Trust that whatever movement you’re doing is look-worthy and people will look. Lindsay did. And even when I was being judgey, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Did you guys see this movie? Want to weigh in? Have any suggestions for movies to add to my queue, that will really embarrass me if anybody visiting finds them?
So, for the past couple of months, I was sorta kinda a little bit falling on my ass for this guy I work with.
With a girlfriend.
I KNOW.
I’m not really the cheating type so it was mostly just talking, a lot, but that didn’t really stop me from being a big dumb idiot with 3 kinds of obsessive thoughts, on a loop:
1. “OMG HE’S SO GREAT.”
2. “OMG THIS IS SO BAD.”
3. “OMG LET ME LISTEN TO MY IPOD AND DAYDREAM ALTERNATELY ABOUT HOW GREAT HE IS AND HOW BAD I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF FOR DOING THIS.”
(BONUS: “omg I should totally send him this song I’m listening to so he can know my feeeeeeeeeeeelings.”)
Did you throw up yet?
I did, a little.
Anyway, it’s all over now. I wanted to do things legit or not at all, and he was all, “LETS MAKE A DEAL”… the deal being, in his words, “I can give you 100% of me, part of the time.” (….<—-DAFUQ?!! Why would I ever sign up for that? I don’t do drugs, sir.)
So after about 48 hours of crying, I woke up this morning, totally fine, and looked around. And I thought… wait, what have I been doing with my time?
I haven’t written anything in months (and this is supposed to be my life calling).
I haven’t touched my pole.
I haven’t blogged. (But you already know this).
I haven’t even grocery shopped, judging by the carton of expired eggs in my fridge and NOTHING ELSE in there.
What I have been doing: TEXTING TEXTING TEXTING MOPING TEXTING TEXTING PLANNING MY WORK OUTFITS.
Jesus. Anyway, I’m suddenly horrified at how much time I’ve lost, so it’s time to get back on the dang wagon called OH WAIT I HAVE A LIFE, DURR.
(Sorry for all the capital letters, this is an emotional time, guys).
So, GOALS:
1. Several hours a week on the pole.
BRB, doing me.
2. Spare time spent NOT at home looking at my phone (so, either gym or studio).
3. Something fun and interesting to cross train with (I’m thinking hoop maybe… or yoga, to get my inflexible ass slightly more flexible again).
Mainly, I just want to remember that there was a time I was doing all my awesome life stuff for ME… not to impress some douchebag who already has a girlfriend.
I want to kill it on the pole, I want fresh photos, I want to work out some choreo I can pull out when I feel like showing off, I want videos on youtube… I want to feel proud of myself again.
FTS. Back to me.
Anyway, I’m not going to lie, I’m totally still moping, so here are some awesome “FUCK DATING” songs to pole to. I know I certainly will.
1. Doin Me, Fantasia
This song is a nice mix of ass-kicking and positive. Also, “No more crying, going through hell–it’s so good, I’m loving myself”… this song makes me feel so much better.
2. Me, Myself and I, Beyonce
Okay so I’ve decided that what I’m doing is just quoting the line in the song that makes me tear up/instantly feel a little better: “Yeah, you hurt me but i learned a lot along the way/After all the rain you’ll see the sun come out again.” I hope so, Beyonce. I hope so.
3. Bad, Wale (Featuring Tiara Thomas)
This song makes feeling bitter seem cool. Also, it’s sufficiently sexy to pole to without being sex-positive enough that you get depressed over your lack of boneage. (Listen, this is the best the descriptions are getting today, go with it).
4. I Should Have Cheated, Keyshia Cole
KC, girl, you kill me. Please keep writing songs and singing them in a manner that makes me weep and feel stronger at the same time.
5. Switch, TLC
A reminder that if all else fails, you can always “switch and take his friend.”
Another pearl of wisdom: “I can’t trust a relationship with no trust and that’s a fact.”
Don’t take no mess from nobody, ladies. TLC says so.
Happy twirls! (and relationships, and work lives, and everything else it’s important to keep up too)
OH SNAP. So I went to a pole show yesterday. And it. Was. Awesome.
I dragged my shy, non-poling male friend, and I think he was scared. But witnessing his complete bewilderment was half the fun.
I know none of you were about to take the R train all the way down to Bay Ridge for this, so let me tell you a little bit about the show. In alphabetic-als, because I’m really tired you guys.
A: Aerialists! There were two hoop girls, and they killed it. See, you can do stuff both near and far from the ground on a pole, but when you’re on a hoop, you’ve got the same odds of landing on your neck for the ENTIRE PERFORMANCE. Brass balls. These ladies got em.
ALSO, apparently you’re supposed to wear leg covering when you hoop, but one particularly bad ass girl decided to pole and hoop (Hey bro, I hear you like bruises…), so, she was bare legged. #Swag. The other is my girl Lauryn, who I’ve actually never seen dance before this, and she completely blew me away. The confidence… the grace… and of course, her amazing costume which actually wasn’t a surprise because I knew she was artistic like that. Anyway, I want to hoop now, except that pole has taught me nothing if not that ALL AERIAL ARTS SUCK AND ARE HARD.
B: BOYS: I’ve seen guys hit the pole once in a while, but dude last night KILLED it. Most guys do a lot of strength stuff and skip over the lyrical, but last night’s sole male performer was pure pole poetry… and he definitely did some shit I’ve never seen before, so hell yeah to creativity. He also showed up later in a Pole Threesome (TM? must be? because I have never seen this craziness before), in which he supported a girl by HER FOOT, by squeezing it with HIS LEGS. So many questions. Epic. Moving on.
C: Chair dance: So technically, this didn’t involve a chair, but the emcee of the event called her boyfriend out of the crowd, sat him Indian-style against a pole, and did quite possibly the most spine-tingly sexy dance I’ve ever seen in my life. True story. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. And I was close enough to the stage to see him mouth, “You are BEAUTIFUL,” and “I love you” during the dance, so, yeah. Way too much cute/sexy/poignant for me to even handle. Amazing.
D: Doubles: There were so many great twosomes and threesomes last night, including an incredible booty-popping number with ECP’s owner. I love when dancers are actually capable of crazy, crazy shit on the pole… but they can also break it down and have fun with the booty. Work.
E: Entertainers: So last night I learned that there’s a difference between being an incredible dancer/trickster, and being an entertainer. I realized this when a fairly new dancer (1 year, according to the program… that bitch) completely owned the audience with a few well timed pauses, smiles, and eye-bats during her (slinky, confident, gorgeous) performance. I find this totally inspiring, because I can’t do shoulder mounts and shit, but yes, I can flip my hair (!!!) I have a shot, you guys!!!!
F: Feedback: I also learned last night that you can’t just chill at a pole show. You need to yell, and scream, and encourage the dancers. This was new to me, since I’ve seen most performers on YouTube.
That’s all for now, because it’s been a busy weekend and I’m feeling lazy.
Have you guys ever been to a live pole show? What did you think? Did you feel discouraged or inspired?
Have you ever been in one? Is it as nerve-wracking as I’m guessing it is?
Fill me in!
Meanwhile, be SUPER jealous, because Pantera was at the show last night and she is both an incredible dancer and out of her damn mind. This is her. Really, how strong can a person be? Ridiculous.
Happy twirls (and hoops, and whatever the fuck else you guys are making look easy),
Let me start off this post with a resounding DAMN IT.
Does this pole make me look slutty?
DAMN IT ALL TO HELL.
Whew. I feel better. Onward!
So, like, what’s up with this trend of female rappers and singers bragging about throwing money at strippers?
It’s almost like it’s a requirement to be allowed in the hip hop world as a female (and not as a video girl) that you shit on other girls (the video kind). To be one of the boys you have to objectify other women–just like the boys do.
But it’s okay, because those video girls are totally not smart, tomboy types that are allowed to be considered smart and cool–they’re sexy. They’re strippers. Let them crawl around on the floor and pick up our money with their teeth. It’s not like they’re people who can be multiple things. They are sexy, and so they can only be one thing: sexy things that are sexy sex that people want to have sex with.
Tell me you don’t see what I’m talking about:
Or HEAR what I’m talking about:
This is part of why I love telling people I pole. Because they’re all, BUT YOU’RE NOT A DUMB WHORE. And I’m like EXACTLY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
We have no problem with men being smart and successful and sexy as hell. Why not women?
Why can’t we own it and love it, and not have to trade off other parts of ourselves, like intellect, or humor, or for god’s sake, humanity?
Which is why I say damn it. Damn it all. But I’m not giving up on people. I’m not going to go into hiding, or quit pole because it makes people’s brains explode that I’m not a bimbo.
I told a guy I know that I teach pole the other day, and he said he thought it was cool. Then I made a joke about how my mom doesn’t get it, and he said, “Why would you tell ever her that?!”
…Why would I tell her?
Why wouldn‘t I tell her?
The real question is, why would I do something and make it such a huge part of my life if I also think it’s so unacceptable that I have to hide it? From my own mom?
I’m not going to cave to this idea that you have to choose between being smart and being sexy.
Frankly, that’s a steaming pile of bull shit and sorry to go all Hot Topic on you, but I refuse to conform.
Ladies and Gentleman, I POLE DANCE.
I FEEL SEXY DOING IT.
I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE AND A FULL TIME JOB, BUT THIS MAKES MY LIFE FEEL MORE FULL AND COMPLETE.
I’m not giving it up and I’m not hiding, because I don’t see anything wrong with it.
If you can’t handle it, you have the problem and need to work on it. Not me.
POLE PROUD ladies. Get it, and don’t apologize for it.
Damn.
Okay, that’s off my chest. New schedule!!!! I’m teaching a pole dynamics 4-week course on Tuesdays starting in March, plus the usual spins and intro classes on Thursdays and Saturdays. Sign up on the website to secure your spot (especially for dynamics, which is strictly one-to-a-pole and fills up fast!)
My first ever show! On campus at Pratt Institute in 2008. I was so terrified, I purposefully didn’t wear contacts so I couldn’t see the crowd.
It always reminds me of the feeling I used to get as a kid, when I couldn’t wait for my birthday, which happened to be a week before school started.
So, the big news is that my belly dance partner and crime K and I are debuting February 13th at Jebon on St. Marks place. I am so. Freaking. Excited. We’re been rehearsing really hard for a few months now with all original choreography, so now that we’ve done the work, it’s the fun part: costumes.
Hahahahaha fun? Bitch please. Try horrifying.
Let me first clarify that I like my body. It has served me very well in my time. That said, I am (ew barf I can’t believe I have to use this word) “womanly.” I have visible abs, but I’m also a little soft in places. This seems to me to be perfectly natural since, duh, i’m a woman. I eat healthy and I got plenty of exercise (in the studio, the gym, and carrying groceries up to my 4th floor walk up).
My body does what I ask of it on the pole, on the floor, and every place in between, so I’m thoroughly happy with it and the worrying ends there.
That is, until I put on the belly dance costume.
(NOTE:: ****I should clarify that the top half of this costume i’s not so much a costume as it is a balconet bra I bought at H&M. I have ginormous boobs, and “real” belly dance bras only come in small, medium, and large. I’m quite small (32″ band) AND large (D-DD), so, my options are limited.)
Me and K now, after a show
So anyway, here I am in the studio, under florescent lighting, in a freaking BRA, undulating my way down into a crouching position from THE SIDE. SO YOU CAN SEE ALL THE FAT ROLLS. AHHHHHH. And I’m panicking. Is 2 weeks enough time to lose 5 pounds? Can self tanner somehow magically help?
The really f***ed up thing is I’m in the greatest shape of my life right now. I LOVE how I look in clothes (thanks, pole!). But I feel like the standards for a body being displayed during a dance performance are totally different.
Like the hardcore-ness of your body is directly related to your amount of skill and self discipline in dancing.
Like no matter how hard I work nailing difficult moves, a soft middle screams “wannabe” anyway.
It’s very discouraging. And it doesn’t help that K is TINY. She’s both petite and about 90 pounds, so not only do I look a little on the flabby side next to her but I look like a freaking giant too. This is bad, guys. Please help me. I have two weeks.
Here’s my plan so far:
1. Focus on healthy fats and protein
I can’t starve myself right now, mostly because I really do need a lot of food for my lifestyle. I’m talking back to back pole classes and THEN a workout at the gym. None of these places are convenient locations for fainting. Also, fuck starving yourself. No.
BUT. If anything dials down on belly pudge, it’s skipping bread and sugar, right? Can’t hurt anyway.
2. Take care of my skin
I feel extra repulsive when all that extra flesh is also dry and icky looking. Now until February 13th is officially Exfoliation and Lotion Time. And performance night is going to require a shit ton of freaking shimmer, I don’t give a fuck. Yes.
3. Fluids?
This one I’m a tad sketchy on. A trainer friend of mine who also happens to be a show wrestler (hulk hogan type as opposed to skinny guys in jumpsuits, on mats) swears by this: chug tons of water in the weeks leading up to the event (to flush out bloat), then scale way back on fluids the day before and day of the event. I think I remember reading that Adriana Lima does this before Victoria’s Secret shows. I also remember thinking that it was batshit crazy.
Honestly I probably won’t do this one, except for the “drinking tons of fluids” part. That part seems good.
4. Self tanner
Yeah, actually, maybe not. Flabby and orange isn’t really an improvement on flabby and pale. Strike this one.
5. Beg K to let me change the angles on certain things
Crouching from the side… eesh. Or maybe we can incorporate some veil work here? Specifically holding up a veil to cover ourselves as we crouch from the side?
Here’s a funny story: one time, a woman came into my spins class and said she’d been wanting to take my class for months. I asked her why she waited so long. She said she thought she needed to lose 10 pounds before she could take a class like pole. (She was very, very slightly overweight by the way, this was not a safety issue).
Wait, did I say funny story? I meant a sad story, about a woman who didn’t think she was good enough at her current weight to take a damn EXERCISE CLASS.
WTF society, look what you’re doing. Stahp.
Anyway, how do you guys feel about the weight issue with pole? It’s hard to see all the top people in our sport looking soooooo tiny in their equally small costumes, and feel like we still have permission to even try.
Does fear about your body hold you back from performing? From wearing certain clothes to class?
Have you ever tried to lose weight for a show? (if so TELL ME ALL OF YOUR SECRETS)
And here’s your official invitation to the belly dance show! Yes, they spelled my name wrong. Come for the frozen sake, stay for (possibly orange), nervous-looking belly dancer 😉
I forgot my shorts. I thought for sure I packed them, but I peeked in my bag on the way to the studio last night and found a pair of folded black tights instead.
With 15 minutes before my first class and two classes to teach, I did what anyone would have done: I canceled.
Just kidding. You’d have to put a wall of fire in front of my studio to keep me from teaching. So I found a pair of scissors and cut my tights into shorts. Very tight, moderately transparent shorts.
Great day to wear underpants with flowers on them, by the way.
So in closing, apologies to everyone who saw my ass last night, but thank you for taking my class, which was hella-full. I still have hope that my Jedi mind tricks prevented you from noticing anything odd though. ***THERE IS NOTHING STRANGE ABOUT THESE SHORTS. THIS IS NOT AN ASS YOU ARE LOOKING AT.***
Anyway, turns out the studio’s closed on Thursday (noooooo) and I’m upstate for Christmas next week, so hold off on sign ups until we’re off the holiday schedule. I’ll let you know when, promise.
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 