losing weight

You know that weird mix of excitement and dread?

My first ever show! On campus at Pratt Institute in 2008. I was so terrified, I purposefully didn’t wear contacts so I couldn’t see the crowd.

It always reminds me of the feeling I used to get as a kid, when I couldn’t wait for my birthday, which happened to be a week before school started.

So, the big news is that my belly dance partner and crime K and I are debuting February 13th at Jebon on St. Marks place. I am so. Freaking. Excited. We’re been rehearsing really hard for a few months now with all original choreography, so now that we’ve done the work, it’s the fun part: costumes.

Hahahahaha fun? Bitch please. Try horrifying.

Let me first clarify that I like my body. It has served me very well in my time. That said, I am (ew barf I can’t believe I have to use this word) “womanly.” I have visible abs, but I’m also a little soft in places. This seems to me to be perfectly natural since, duh, i’m a woman. I eat healthy and I got plenty of exercise (in the studio, the gym, and carrying groceries up to my 4th floor walk up).

My body does what I ask of it on the pole, on the floor, and every place in between, so I’m thoroughly happy with it and the worrying ends there.

That is, until I put on the belly dance costume.

(NOTE:: ****I should clarify that the top half of this costume i’s not so much a costume as it is a balconet bra I bought at H&M. I have ginormous boobs, and “real” belly dance bras only come in small, medium, and large. I’m quite small (32″ band) AND large (D-DD), so, my options are limited.)

So anyway, here I am in the studio, under florescent lighting, in a freaking BRA, undulating my way down into a crouching position from THE SIDE. SO YOU CAN SEE ALL THE FAT ROLLS. AHHHHHH. And I’m panicking. Is 2 weeks enough time to lose 5 pounds? Can self tanner somehow magically help?

The really f***ed up thing is I’m in the greatest shape of my life right now. I LOVE how I look in clothes (thanks, pole!). But I feel like the standards for a body being displayed during a dance performance are totally different.

Like the hardcore-ness of your body is directly related to your amount of skill and self discipline in dancing.

Like no matter how hard I work nailing difficult moves, a soft middle screams “wannabe” anyway.

It’s very discouraging. And it doesn’t help that K is TINY. She’s both petite and about 90 pounds, so not only do I look a little on the flabby side next to her but I look like a freaking giant too. This is bad, guys. Please help me. I have two weeks.

Here’s my plan so far:

1. Focus on healthy fats and protein

I can’t starve myself right now, mostly because I really do need a lot of food for my lifestyle. I’m talking back to back pole classes and THEN a workout at the gym. None of these places are convenient locations for fainting. Also, fuck starving yourself. No.

BUT. If anything dials down on belly pudge, it’s skipping bread and sugar, right? Can’t hurt anyway.

2. Take care of my skin

I feel extra repulsive when all that extra flesh is also dry and icky looking. Now until February 13th is officially Exfoliation and Lotion Time. And performance night is going to require a shit ton of freaking shimmer, I don’t give a fuck. Yes.

3. Fluids?

This one I’m a tad sketchy on. A trainer friend of mine who also happens to be a show wrestler (hulk hogan type as opposed to skinny guys in jumpsuits, on mats) swears by this: chug tons of water in the weeks leading up to the event (to flush out bloat), then scale way back on fluids the day before and day of the event. I think I remember reading that Adriana Lima does this before Victoria’s Secret shows. I also remember thinking that it was batshit crazy.

Honestly I probably won’t do this one, except for the “drinking tons of fluids” part. That part seems good.

4. Self tanner

Yeah, actually, maybe not. Flabby and orange isn’t really an improvement on flabby and pale. Strike this one.

5. Beg K to let me change the angles on certain things

Crouching from the side… eesh. Or maybe we can incorporate some veil work here? Specifically holding up a veil to cover ourselves as we crouch from the side?

Here’s a funny story: one time, a woman came into my spins class and said she’d been wanting to take my class for months. I asked her why she waited so long. She said she thought she needed to lose 10 pounds before she could take a class like pole. (She was very, very slightly overweight by the way, this was not a safety issue).

Wait, did I say funny story? I meant a sad story, about a woman who didn’t think she was good enough at her current weight to take a damn EXERCISE CLASS.

WTF society, look what you’re doing. Stahp.

Anyway, how do you guys feel about the weight issue with pole? It’s hard to see all the top people in our sport looking soooooo tiny in their equally small costumes, and feel like we still have permission to even try.

Does fear about your body hold you back from performing? From wearing certain clothes to class?

Have you ever tried to lose weight for a show? (if so TELL ME ALL OF YOUR SECRETS)

Pole Pleaser, Pole Spins, and Intro to Pole tonight! 7,8, and 9pm, respectively. Hope to see you!

And here’s your official invitation to the belly dance show! Yes, they spelled my name wrong. Come for the frozen sake, stay for (possibly orange), nervous-looking belly dancer 😉

Happy Twirls!

Cathy

Here’s a quick, three-part summary of the last month: the first part stuck was spent entirely indoors (Sandy), the second part lazing about on the futon with a cold, the third part, cooking then (of course) consuming cheesecake and pie.

Here’s the thing with pole: you get spoiled. You can eat what you want and not worry about it, because your body genuinely needs and will use the food. But then things happen, like your studio closes for the holidays, and it’s totally too cold in your apartment to put on shorts, and your fitness game slips.

Now I don’t like eating much junk food, per se… you won’t catch me with white bread, spray can cheese, bologna, or doughnuts very often. (Actually, now that I typed that out it all sounds delicious together. WHATS HAPPENING).

But I will eat with abandon, until I am full. I don’t worry about calories and fat, so long as I’m getting enough good stuff into my body. Sweet potato french fries? Vitamin A! Guacomole? Healthy fat! Whole grain tortilla chips with flax seeds? Fiber! As long as a food is mostly “real,” with some sort of nutritionally redemptive qualities, I’ll put it in my face. Seriously. And in all honestly, this tends to work just fine for me.

But… then I stopped exercising. I was rehearsing a belly dance routine with my NEW DANCE PARTNER (okay it’s actually an old friend but WE HAVE JOINED FORCES! CAPITAL LETTERS!!!1!!!!) when I noticed my undulation was looking extra… undulationy.

Kinda like this:

Anyway, we have a show coming up (OMG YOU GUYZ, BELLYDANCE SHOW!!!!! More dets soon, I promise), and I had the startling realization that I can NOT be dancing around in a half shirt like this.

So here are the new lifestyle rules, until I look more like my normal self:

First things first: no more alcohol.

Wait wait wait, I’m not an alchy, hear me out! I’m talking wine and beer. I’ve been doing a lot of holiday socializing and that means a hideous combination of chips, the aforementioned guac, and the better half of a six pack.

Want to get fat? Slow down your metabolism with alcohol and THEN pig out without exercising! Super efficient. I’ve tested this method and been extremely successful.

Another really awful thing I’m doing: too much hookah. This doesn’t really make you fat… but it does make you wheezy and lethargic, which is not terribly conducive to exercise.

I’ve been spending way more time in the belly dance community, so to speak, and thusly, spending most of the three hours watching dancing and eating hummus with a pipe in my mouth. THREE HOURS. Imagine chain smoking that long. I’m suddenly panicked that I have emphysema.

Anyway, I’ve been over my cold for at least 2 weeks so there’s no reason I should be this tired and still coughing. I’m blaming the several hours worth of hookah with friends, several times a week. For like, 2 months.

(I know, bad. Really, really bad).

Anyway, my final solution (too German?) is: pole dance, duh!!!!

I’m committing to at least an hour, 3 times a week. Practice, classes, whatever. And on off days, conditioning and/or stretching. Just some kind of activity to remind me to stop being a fat fatty who is getting kind of fat.

I was watching a video I took of some practice dances just a month ago and I can’t believe how different my ass already looks. How can things change so much in one month?! I guess this is a symptom of the late twenties settling in. Ew.

Anyway, tips for me? Please? Pole usually kicks my butt pretty efficiently, but if you’ve got any workout or diet secrets you swear by, please share!!

Classes this week: Thursday and Saturday! Check the schmedule.

Happy Twirls!

Cathy