The show went really well despite the fact that I didn’t get there until 1/2 hour before house open and completely missed tech. I never do that. (And YOU should never do that guys. It’s bad. I had a school emergency tho).
So yeah, had no idea where my marks were or how we were spacing for the stage or what the floor was like (SO many turns, so high a risk).
BUT, Maki (troupe director) told me beforehand, “Just be confident and emotional. You perform a lot, you’ll be fine.” And I suddenly DID feel like I’ve performed a lot, and would be fine. And I was.
But seriously, y’all, never miss tech.
I’m way in the back, checking what everyone else was doing (the theme of this show, basically). photo credit: bae
Oh and then my music cut out at one point but I kept going, and when I watched the video later it was kinda funny. (Cee Lo’s Fool for You, and I’m linking to the version with Melonie Fiona because it’s da bomb dot com).
I’ll be you guys thought this was going to be about depression but no–it’s about a show I’m getting ready for that’s based on Dante’s Divine Comedy, and guess what part our piece is about?
THE INFERNO.
Full disclosure: I have kind of hated every minute of learning this. It’s hard on your body (lots of stomping, neck circling, hunching, flopping, and spasming), and our “motivations” are really disgusting.
At varying times in the piece, these are the cues we’ve been given:
-“You’re puking in your hands here.”
-“You’re being electrocuted”
-“Satan is throwing you.”
-“Something is impaling you here (*gestures towards crotch*) and the it comes up and out of your mouth.”
-“You’re being stabbed.”
-Etc, etc, etc.
We’ve also been encouraged to think about our own version of “personal hell” for extra emotional motivation.
Of course Dani, who’s a friend as well as a teacher, called me out in class: “Cathy’s version of personal hell, for example, would be an eternity of hearing “Hey Cutie” on OkCupid.”
I had to agree with her.
(Quick slideshow of my personal hell: men in NYC.)
…and yet I still keep getting this message.
autocorrect?
“moments” are interesting things.
I took this photo while standing with several bags and glaring.
Anyway, we all feel kind of awkward acting this stuff out, but we taped the piece for the first full run through last night and I have to admit–it looks pretty creepy.
In other news: my favorite pole teacher has been on hiatus, so, after another bad intermediate class, I decided to focus on ballet barre and flex training as well as this Bellyqueen show for the time being. I hope she comes back soooooon!
And if you’re in the New York City area on March 29th/are really into demonic interpretive dance, here’s a link to more info on the full show! https://www.facebook.com/events/522870131186017/
Scene from our run-through on Sunday (I’m on the right, kneeling). I was an hour late to the 10am-6pm practice because I tried to go to a birthday party AND have drinks with a date the night before–after 8 hours of rehearsing on Saturday, of course.
ALRIGHT FINE. So I picked on 300 sandwiches girl before realizing, yeah, I’m kind of an overachieving people-pleaser like that too.
It’s kind of like being a really desperate actress who gets dismissed from an audition and just won’t accept it. “You want sexier? I can do sexier!!! You need a German accent? I CAN DO THAT. Someone who makes expertly crafted sandwiches? Hang on, let me go to the library and get a book on that, BRB.”
Lately I’ve been racing back and forth between my day job, Bellyqueen rehearsals, coffee with a guy I like (and am trying to impress while sweaty and exhausted and adjusting my outfit on the way back to work–yes, we have to get our coffee to go because I was supposed to be back at the office 10 minutes ago, ahhh), day job again, dance classes, Fireblossoms rehearsal, night job, night course, work study, pole classes, more dates with boys I am trying to impress while scattered and exhausted… and y’all, I am THISCLOSE to failing at all of it, at any given time.
I can feel it–that little wobble on the tightrope. The expression on somebody’s face when I have to apologize yet again for having to leave early or arrive a little late. The schizophrenic list of shit I have to do the next day that flashes through my head just before I fall asleep, like that creepy scene in a Clockwork Orange, and I get so overwhelmed that I start thinking about calling in sick to everything because it’s too, too much. The Failure is lurking, waiting for me to slip up.
Luckily, it’s almost over; the Bellyqueen show is Friday and Saturday. But it’s really made me question why I do this to myself. I overbook, over-commit, overload, all the time. Why? WHYYYYYY.
Why do I put all this pressure on myself to have a date after a 14 hour day, and look perfect and act charming when I’m exhausted?
Why does it feel wrong to have 3 hours to myself at home, alone? Like I should be anywhere, doing anything else?
Why do I have to throw achievement in my bucket at all times to feel like a full person?
The voice in the back of my head is always saying, “Do more, work harder, be better,” and if I’m honest with myself, if I had a boyfriend who really liked sandwiches, I would probably be doing that on top of everything too.
Balls. I can’t be the only one like this… right?
Are you guys overachievers too? How do you decide which stuff to prioritize? When does pole start falling by the wayside–when you have a hot date, or only when work stuff comes up?
Quick, enjoy this clip of 1980’s Xanadu while I come up with some stuff to tell you about!
I hope that was sufficiently weird for everyone.
So. HAI!!! I MISSED YOU GUYS!!!
You know how sometimes you go through periods of talking about stuff and not really doing it, and then you go periods of doing stuff and not really talking about it?
I have been doing the latter, and you guys would be SO proud of me. I feel like an actual… dancer. This is sort of what my schedule has been like (post day-job, naturally):
Mondays: 2 hours belly dance (class and a Fireblossom’s rehearsal)
Tuesday: Night job… with a little stretching and Fireblossom’s routine running as soon as my shift is up (I work in a gym with small dance studio area)
Wednesday: 3 hours Bellyqueen rehearsal (for the upcoming Silk Roads show), followed by an hour of pole class
Thursday: Night class! I’m learning Digital Marketing, you guys! No dancing 😦
Friday: 3 hours Bellyqueen rehearsal, an hour of pole class
Saturday: Flexibility class, pole class, Fireblossoms routine drilling with K
Sunday: Pole class, hoop class, hula hoop class (this is my work study day so I hang out at the studio for several glorious hours and sneak into classes, muhahahaha)
…And then I wake up very sore on Monday and do it all over again. Oh and I’ve been RUNNING. Wat?!!! I truly have no idea what’s gotten into me lately. I just feel very in my body and out of my head lately. It’s cool.
Anyway, here’s some stuff I learned about constantly exercising:
1. Stretching after is MANDATORY
I’m not really a huge fan of stretching before a workout unless it’s part of an official warm up. But after, when I’m all warm, and I know I’m gonna be stiff for the next very full day of stuff tomorrow? You bet your ass I’m stretching. Also, not stretching when you’re all warm and don’t have to be anywhere? Wasted flexibility-building opportunity.
2. Eating is TOTALLY mandatory
I started noticing that two hours into Bellyqueen’s 3 hour rehearsals is impromptu dancer lunch time… and I was the only one not eating while everybody else was busting out sandwiches and fruit salads n’shit. These girls dance for a living, so I think it’s safe to take their cue on making time to fuel up.
3. You really have to listen to your body
I have so much physical stuff going on that I really can’t afford to get injured right now. I’m learning to take my ego out of it and walk away from a pole move if I can feel I’m not getting it and it’s straining the wrong places. You can always try again tomorrow, it’s not that serious. And it’s certainly not worth having an arm or a leg out of commission for a week.
So what has everybody else been up to?! Any new developments? I’m working on my extended butterfly, flying choppers (yes, the ones that gave me a car crash bruise last year), some spin combos, and my archnemesis, aerial choppers (I think I finally have it on my left side, it’s just… very slow). I’m also trying to trap/shoulder-mount out of inverts instead of sliding to help build those core muscles up and get more control. So far so good!
Oy, first big belly dance show coming up since the spring, and also the debut of my New Costume.
,,,which I have not put on since my mom sewed a new back into it (because flashing people is bad, thanks mom!), since I am scared. I’m eyeing it right now. It’s sitting in the corner, bein’ all green and sparkly and mocking me.
Some people in pole and belly dance (actually, scratch that, MOST people) completely live for the costumes. Both are glamorous, girly types of dance, with plenty of sparkles and boob-age allowed (nay, DEMANDED). So naturally, belly and pole alike tend to attract girly-girls who tweak out on that stuff. Cool, fine. Not me.
I am terrorized by it.
I’m always having a blast and totally confident right up until I have to put on the costume, and them I’m all, can’t I just wear what I practice in? Please? PLEAAAAASE?I’m kind of dreading the day where I’ll have to graduate to poling in a sports bra for the extra grip. Ugh.
Anyway, big show is WEDNESDAY. K and I always do a Final Video of where we’re at when we practice, so here is is… minus the dancing, because that ish is top secret! You’ll have to come to the show to see it 😉
How do you guys feel about costumes or cute dance gear altogether? I feel like a lot of girls get a charge from it, like Superwoman in her cape. It’s always kind of startling for me though, because it’s a huge reminder that PEOPLE WILL BE LOOKING AT ME. Ahhh. Spooky.
Okay, g/g ignore my costume and keep the dream alive via ignorance that I will look a certain way in it. Wish me luck for Wednesday!!
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 