***update*** okay, so, I cooled off, and re-read the piece, and I see now that the author had a pretty poor experience. Trying to learn something with a whole classroom of students watching ONLY YOU, while being instructed to urged to act sexier (nay, to release your “erotic creature”) sounds like the stuff of my worst nightmares.
That said… I hate that she called us a cult, and I hate that this is another voice adding to the choir of “pole dance is about amateur stripping.” HARRUMPH.
This especially disappoints me because I have written for XO Jane.
WOMEN BEING SEXY ON POLES ARE SO PATHETIC, RIGHT?
This attitude of “I’m smart and analytical, I’m so far above this stuff” really gets me. While I’m not a huge fan of the X-factor style of dance, I still feel like the author’s ego was challenged, and that was her main problem with the class. Actually TRYING? Risking looking stupid? FUCK THIS CLASS, BEING SEXY IS FOR BIMBOS.
Balls. It’s cowardly to pick on people that do a thing because you didn’t like doing it. And we’re an easy target, I get it. Let’s all laugh at the dumb sluts on poles! We’re practically the Real Housewives of the dance world. Everybody, grab your tomatoes!
ok, so, BALLET. Here are my before pictures! They are not great, which is the point! I’m doing now what I always wish I did six months later, which is: record how shitty I looked before working really hard and improving.
A few points on what I’m hoping to achieve, and how it relates to pole:
Stronger feet–and better balance while on up on my toes. I think this will improve pole lines, and also help me with push offs and floor moves like pirouettes. Also, PURPOSEFUL FEET, SON. I don’t remember who wrote about that (Nina?), but, that post kind of changed my life and made me a slightly OCD dancer. I love it. I just want more physical control of my feet (and hands!) to match my obsession with them.
Extensions, Extensions, Extensions. Thinking you did something with beautifully straight legs and then seeing bent knees all over the video is TRAGIC. I’m hoping ballet will get my quads up to par, and of course, give me a greater range of motion.
Flexibility, especially in my back and arms. Seriously, T-Rex arms… not cute. And I’d love to get my arch game up so I can do the Figure Skater on spin mode and take my layback into a Crescent.
General grace, elegance, and body awareness. I want more control, in everything from poses and holds to just plain walking.
So, 10 classes, starting now. Garnet, my friend who made this video for me, came up with this nonsense about weekly updates (I NEVER SAID THAT GARNET), but, it’s in print now and it will keep me accountable, so, SIGH, I’ll probably do weekly updates. PROBABLY. Don’t get mad if I can’t!
photographer stepping on my back. thanks, G!
the closest thing to yoga you’ll ever see me do, SOAK IT UP
Left leg, front extension
Left leg, back extension
Right leg, front extension, WITH BALLERINA ARMS!!!11!!
This sketch perfectly captures both the spirit of today’s holiday and my problem of finding music to pole to that isn’t insanely degrading. You’re gonna die when “em” raps. Enjoy!
Oh, and Happy Valentine’s day!!! Hope everyone, attached or single, did something nice and a little special for themselves and someone they love. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 🙂
I asked my best friend to snap a couple of pics of me as “before” shots, pre-ballet, to help track progress.
Weeeeelp, I forgot he is an amateur photographer, so, 5 minutes of snapshots turned into several hours of doing everything from many, many angles. And also, he is still editing all the pictures (cropping his rug and power outlets out of every photo for reasons I don’t fully understand), so, for now, just enjoy these videos of stupidity and trust that the damn pictures of me lifting a leg poorly are coming soon.
oh and here’s me trying a split because I’m still so excited I can get my legs to do this now!!!
Let’s talk about finding studios. I have a patented bullshit scale for myself that you might find helpful! First, a soundtrack for this post:
(Chris Brown is NOT having any of your bullshit in that album art.)
Second: let’s go over kinds of bullshit you might encounter when trying to find a studio to suit all your poling needs:
1. Yoga Bullshit
This is not a standard I apply just to pole studios, but to bellydance ones as well: there should not be a fuck-ton of yoga in classes for OTHER THINGS.
Yes, stretching, warms ups–important and appreciated. But if we have to stand around with our hands clasped in prayer position or focus on our breaths for more than half a second, I’m going to get irritable. And 20 minutes out of an hour class dedicated to sun salutations instead of spins or omis? No.
No.
2. Cancellation Bullshit
Now by this I don’t mean cancellation policies that apply to you–those are fair, and, as a teacher, I know they’re necessary. I also understand, as a teacher, that classes get cancelled if they don’t fill up, because that teacher needs to be paid.
But when I’m a student, it’s really annoying to plan my day around a class that may or may not happen. More often than not, a pattern in cancellations will make me skittish and seek other, more predictable studios. (I feel bad about this, but, it is what it is).
3. Lack of Class Structure Bullshit
I have a pole at home. If I wanted to pay 25/hr for what’s essentially an open pole class, I would not have hauled ass out into the snow.
4. Environmental Bullshit
Poles too close together. Cattle call classes of 3 girls to a pole. Lack of basic necessities like alcohol or cloths. For how much these classes cost, this type of bullshit is most definitely Deal Breaking Bullshit (DBB).
5. Mean Teacher or Staff Bullshit
I don’t know about you guys, but, if I have to go through a rude front desk person to buy more classes, I will kind of put it off until–OH LOOK, this other studio has a sale… aaaaaand, I’m gone. Same with teacher that make you feel shitty. Again, I’d just stay at home and tell myself I suck. Way cheaper!
Aside form this criteria, I also have more subjective, judgement-call type bullshit categories like 60% of a class dedicated to booty work (nothing wrong with booty work, but if I came to learn new pole stuff, I’m gonna be disappointed), or, general scariness of other students (if it’s laundry day and I only have a ratty tank top to wear to class, and the girls are the shade-throwing type, I might skip it).
These are factors that are very important to me. I’m pretty open to new styles, teaching methods, etc, so long as a studio has as little DBB as possible.
If you’re in the process of choosing your “home studio” so to speak, know that they kind of fall into the following categories, and that to get a full experience that fits your goals with pole, you might need to combine a few (I totally do this).
I realize I’m sort of repeating myself from a previous post on types of pole studios, but I believe a year of class hopping has helped me refine my categories. Here’s how I think they should be sorted now:
1. The Sensual, Mirror-less studio
I think this is a cool idea and would probably try it as a side dish to my regular training. I can see its usefulness in building artistic stuff, or if you’re dancing for fun and not with a goal of performing. I know a lot of people rave about these places. Downside: I hear rumors of extensive freedancing in class (AHHHHHHHHH), and weird intimacy exercises like making eye contact with class members during dances (no nope bye CANNOT DO IT SORRY). I also feel like I’d fall into bad habits by doing what “feels right” instead of checking the mirror… as in, my choppers would not get any less lopsided and my right side would be SUPER STRONG.
2. The Booty Studio
These places are a lot of fun. You’ll probably get a lot of flexibility work in and learn some rad raunchy moves to incorporate into your routines, a la Michelle Shimmy. Downside: If you’re like me, you could get a little uncomfortable with all the head to the ground, butt in the air work. Bonus: there will probably be cool lighting and maybe champagne, and it’s a very fun place to visit with friends. Also, the teachers are usually a riot and very approachable.
3. The Pole-astics Studio
This place is flat out just not as much of a playground as the above studios, but, it’s where I usually put in most of my class time. You’ll probably be forced to do all kinds of awful things like conditioning exercises, doing moves on Your Evil Bad Side, or combining moves. You may be a little scared of your instructor, and you might also be tempted to skip class at the end of a long work day. BUT, here’s your reward: you will see a lot of progress.
How would you guys describe your studio? Do you have a couple you alternate between?
I definitely have a “home” studio I go to because it’s close to my literal home and full of familiar faces, but have a “serious” studio for cancellation-proof training. Is this weird? I also really miss some of the hot floorwork I used to get out of the more stripper oriented classes, so, I definitely think there’s a place for all kinds of pole dancing in our training.
lol nbd, hanging upside down, then answering a text. Ain’t nothing but a thang.
Me in the studio last night: FALLING. CANNOT STAY ON THE DAMN POLE.
Like, wearing the short shorts, gripping in the right spot, legs locked, and WHOOMPH, right down like a firefighter for a 5 alarm fire.
I kept putting Dry Hands on my inner thighs, which would work for 5 seconds and then I would start sliding again. So frustrating. Until I figured it out what the problem was.
You guys: GLUTEAL FOLD SWEAT.
If you know anything about pole competitions, you’ll know what gluteal fold is (the part where your butt and your legs UNITE (please read that in a Captain Planet voice, it would make me happy), that is not allowed to show in some of the serious competitions).
I was wearing shorty shorts where were totally covering my GF, but, they probably weren’t tight enough. As in, they weren’t close enough to my skin to prevent the inevitable hour-and-15-minutes-into-an-intense-class-sweat from pooling nastily in the inner thigh area… which I kind of needed to be all dry and reliable if I wasn’t going to fall to my death.
You had one job, thighs.
So there you have it: gluteal fold sweat. A thing you need to worry about now. But thankfully, a thing that can be resolved with tighter shorts… preferably cotton ones (polyester/spandex blends is probably another source of the problem).
I wish the world understood this. Can we pass out fliers or something? “Pole dancers must wear tight/small clothing, this has nothing to do with sluttiness.”
So what’s new with y’all? I learned a very pretty compass spin at B&P last night that I can’t show you because my house is small and I keep kicking my refrigerator. Fill me in!
Luckily, she’s going to be totally okay. But, I have some pole related thoughts on this.
So, my momma got extremely sick from a totally common thing: kidney stones. BLAH BLAH BLAH, they caused a blockage, and something minor turned into a full on kidney infection that came pretty close to killing her. It was deeply, deeply scary, and it’s been wonderful to see color come back to her cheeks and hear her cracking jokes about “taking the stairs” in a gurney (kathunk, kathunk kathunk. come on, it’s sick, but it’s a little funny).
The thing is… my mom has been feeling weird for months. I feel guilty now having seen some changes in her and knowing I didn’t yell at her to go to the doctor (cancelling her gym membership because she was always tired was VERY not like her). But, because my mom’s the type of person that likes to brag about having only been to the hospital three times (child one, child two, child three), she ignored symptoms like fatigue and a low-grade fever until she woke up Saturday morning in excruciating pain and almost too sick to make it to the car.
That is… scary. Being in a hospital is scary. It’s full of lots of sick people that were totally healthy people at one point. We forget that, in the real world (I’ve spent the last two days in a hospital from 8am to 8pm and it definitely feels like a different realm). Serious things can happen to our bodies, and there’s no guarantee they’ll be the same afterwords. That’s real.
As women especially (and in a world Post Instagram (PI)), we get so caught up in aethetics, like whether our abs are flat (or our Jade Splits are) that we forget about the parts we can’t see: our kidneys, livers, nerves, arteries, gallbladders, WHATEVER. Setting those things aside, it should be easy to care for all the muscles and ligaments and joints that help us do what we do, that we can actually see and feel.
That’s why, scrolling through my blogroll as my mom was snoozing, I got downright ANGRY reading Nina’s post about injuries, and how pole dancers wear them as a badge of honor–or perpetuate that idea that they are a totally normal part of dancing. (I mean, like, righteously angry. I AGREE WITH YOU SO HARD NINA, ARRRRRGH).
Excuse me but NO THANK YOU PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY to injuries. Yes, I too have pulled a shoulder practicing on cold muscles my first few months in (learned that lesson). But ignoring pain so I could learn a move, then realizing I did damage? Yeah, nope. You guys: we only get one set of these parts.
Take a second and consider that.
One set. You break it, you bought it. Two wrists, two shoulders, one abdominal wall. Like, do not fuck this shit up, okay?
I fully admit that I am 100% that person in class that wants to see something a few times and understand how it works (where the weight will be carried, touch points, what I should expect to hurt) before climbing up and trying it. Like, to the point where one of the teachers at ECP has called me The Physicist (<3 you Antoine).
Yeah, it’s embarrassing, but, I kinda DGAF–I need to feel like I understand what I’m going to do and how it should feel before I try it 6 feet off the ground. And if it feels wrong (aside from the to-be-expected-level-of-ow-ow-ow, like skin burning), I bail. I’ll try again with some support, and if it still feels wrong, bail again, or try to learn a modification until it feels better.
I get that not everybody is like this–some people are daredevil, LETMETRYIT, “stop explaining, let’s just do this” type-people. And they’ll likely get some amazing tricks way before I do.
But I’d rather feel safe, secure, and for lack of a better word, right. I don’t like moves to feel like a crap-shoot. I don’t want getting down safely to be about luck. I don’t want to fuck up the one set of body parts I have.
That’s me.
Anyway, in honor of my mom, please dear god drink tons of water, forever, and don’t hesitate to check something out with a doctor when you feel weird.
So preachy, I know, sorry. I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO BE HEALTHY, OKAY.
…and now I’m going to be unbearable and make you look at pictures of my mom.
My baby sister’s first communion ( and I was an altar server!)
Hula-ing at a Hawaiian party
Christmas last year
My parents in 1981
…and 30 years later in 2011 🙂
All the girls together… Three generations, if you count the one in the belly!
With Grumpy The Sheep, who poops brown jelly beans, on Christmas. This face represents my feelings this week.
So, exciting stuff, kids: I got fired from my night job as a lifeguard.
As bad as this is, just, even without any context, it’s extra cringe-worthy because I am a perfectionist goody-two-shoes who has NEVER BEEN FIRED FROM ANYTHING, and, I’ve worked there for almost four years.
So I’ve been angstin’, hard.
I don’t think I’ll miss the job (though I will miss the people, I considered most of them friends). I mean, no more shitty towels. No more ridiculous “safety surveys” about diabetes that I have to read and answer multiple choice questions about on my own time. No more endless, pointless emails starting with “Team,” and then follow-up emails asking my why I didn’t answer the email that started with “Team,” fast enough, even though I am AT AT MY DAY JOB RIGHT NOW GUYS and seriously, 12 bucks an hour is not enough pay to answer job-related emails in my off time.
Ugh.
Also, there was the time they demanded all employees have our photos taken and give our background and educational info (“for the staff page of the website”) and then I walked into the gym one day and saw my picture and PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS plastered on the wall by the towels and water fountain for all to see. Not cool.
And then there was the day they took away the staff’s “kitchen privileges” so I had nowhere to store my lunch during a 10 hour weekend shift.
In hindsight: this was not a great loss.
Anyway, in case you were wondering, I wasn’t fired for doing anything awful or intentional. I was fired because a steam room flooded overnight after my shift. It cost money. I was canned.
I found out that I was fired, by phone, the same day I was given an audition to teach somewhere new. Yay! Until I found out that the month and a half of training (21 hours a week), would be unpaid, and starting wages for instruction after that would be less than I made life guarding. (See the above dollar per hour amount for reference).
Like. Seriously? In case you’re not familiar with instructor wages in the pole world, that’s about a 5th of what studios generally pay. And as well they should–it’s hard work, a lot of responsibility, and as a contractor, the taxes that come out of that are pretty devastating.
I’m all for training and experience, and dancing for the love of it, but, let’s not get crazy–work is work. So, as much as I hate turning down opportunities to dance and teach, I said no. Ugh. I was really excited for a new gig, but, a girl’s gotta eat.
Speaking of gigs: you guys probably already figured this out from the lack of class postings, but I don’t teach at EDC anymore–they decided to go the party route and stopped offering instructional classes. And I just hate standing in heels too much to do parties on a regular basis. So, I’m gig-less. I know. I’m sad too. WE’RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS.
Somebody tell me a story of when they got fired and things turned out just fine, please? I feel like such a delinquent.
I must have forgotten that this is New York City, and that a pole audition would mean some of the best polers on the planet.
This occurred to me (how serious the competition would be) on the subway this morning, and got so nervous on the way to my audition that I had to jump off the train a stop early and nervous-pee at JC Penney.
I wish I could I could tell you my fears were unfounded, but, they weren’t. I walked in the room and there was a girl doing a center split and another chick on the pole in an elbow-hold Ayesha. It took all my willpower not to bow my head, grab my bag, and slip right back outta there.
But I, took a few deep breaths, resigned myself to possible humiliation, and stayed. While we were warming up before the free dance, the other girls hopped on the pole and did tricks that are way, way beyond my reach. But–and here’s the advantage to being second to last in line–I noticed that as the other girls began freedancing, the ones with the best tricks were the least proficient in flow.
And, you guys, flow is my jam. THIS IS HOW I CAN DISTINGUISH MYSELF, I thought.
So, when it was my turn, I did what I knew, and what I knew I could rock. I avoided a few flashy tricks that I’d just learned because I knew nerves and a lack of muscle memory (plus some seriously dry air and a cold pole) would thwart me. I listened to the music, tossed my hair and threw myself into my spins (which the other girls were skipping in lieu of poses). I got so into it that it caught me by surprise when the song was over. And then I heard some lovely words: “Very nice fluidity!”
I didn’t quite match up with the best of the best, trick-wise, but I think I stood out in my own way.
No officially word yet on whether I got “it” (more on what “it” is later), but, I feel pretty good about holding myself together in the face of some serious intimidation.
I think my takeaway is, don’t let what other people can do make you feel less-than. We all have something special to offer.
And it also brings me back to my answer to one of the interview questions today, on why I love pole: it’s because, no matter what level you’re at, you can make what you’re doing look BEAUTIFUL. If all you’re doing is walking, it’s entirely possible to do it fabulously. And you fucking SHOULD. Life is too short, mang.
Anyway, cross your fingers form me and take a chance this week, in my honor. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
You guys ever have something so important coming up that you purposefully avoid preparing, because you’re terrified you’ll immediately realize you suck during the preparation?
I think that’s why, with a big audition tomorrow, I’m doing this:
I’m fuuuuuuuuucked.
What do you guys do to prepare for freestyle that matters?
I know practicing so that I have a few moves fresh in my muscle memory would help, but, I’m kinda feeling instead like cleaning the house and grocery shopping, and then waking up in a cold sweat about all of this tomorrow, when I have no time left to practice.
balls.
Oh well, me and my friend rilly, rilly need to work on our lines.
The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial 