And then the clouds opened up and God said, “Here’s that Intermediate teacher you mentioned earlier.”

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

So as you guys remember, I have been bitching and moaning a lot about intermediate teachers.

Basically, my problem has been being stuck between “way too easy advanced-beginner” and “holy shit I can’t do any of that yet intermediate.”

This would not be a problem if the intermediate classes were friendly to newcomers (ie. breaking down new moves instead of just having students do combos including a string of them… as warm up).

But, yeah, the opposite.

So, my basic strategy has been to go to these scary intermediate classes prepared for failure and embarrassment. I’ve been sucking it up, checking my pride at the door, and giving every move my hardest and most ignorant attempts (which inevitably lead to total failure). I figure even if I’m not hitting any of the poses, at least I’m working the muscles trying to get into them, and maybe one day I’ll get there.

This approach still sucks though because 1. it’s pretty humiliating, 2. the teachers I’ve had so far seem repelled by my failingness and prefer to assist students who are instead 80% there, and 3. ouch. (I’m hitting the ground a lot).

So imagine my utter delight at ending up in this one fantastic teacher’s class. I almost don’t even want to give you a name because I don’t want to blow up my spot, but Rica at Body and Pole, you guys…. yessssss.

I just stalked her for you guys and found this video, which is her first place performance at Polesque (a show I HIGHLY recommend seeing this year if you can).

But let me be real: as bad ass as this performance is (and as much hair and flexibility envy as I am experiencing), I kind of could give a shit this point about dance or choreo skills from an instructor. I care about a person who can TEACH. And that’s why I love this chick.

First off, she’s hilarious. She describes the posture for pencil spins by having you “imagine rainbows are shooting out of your vagina through your feet.”

She’s also tough (pull-up climbs, uggggggggggggh), but reasonable. She breaks things down. She gives you different components to a move so that if you can only climb and get into the first position, that’s okay–just work on that. She doesn’t shame you. (I’ve noticed a lot of teachers throwing around the “by this level you should know this” line, WHICH IS REALLY OBNOXIOUS BECAUSE WHY DO YOU THINK I’M HERE? I AM TRYING TO LEARN AND YOU’RE JUST SHAMING ME FOR NOT ALREADY KNOWING ARGHHHHHH).

And here’s the best part: she comes around to everybody as you work on stuff.

Not just the people she’s friends with.

Not just the people who are doing well and want style suggestions.

Every. Body.

And again, she’s tough. I did a shitty chopper into a pose and she called me on it, but was also like, “I wouldn’t let you get away with that except I know you’re tired” (which I really appreciated because yeah, it was an hour and 10 minutes into the class, my 10th or 11th invert in a row, and I had been giving my literal all. My arms were throbbing hours after that class). But I like being pushed! Don’t let me get away with anything!! Yes. I’ll do better next time!

Oh oh oh, and then this happened: she called us to the middle of the room to cool down and she put this song on.

Like, I feel as though Jesus has directly guided me into this class. Seriously.

Anyway, thank you Rica!!!!!!! After such a rough patch, I’m remembering why I liked pole again (even when it’s challenging). I’m extremely grateful and more motivated than ever. Cheesy, but true 🙂

How’s everybody else doing with training?

Are we planning some poling for the blizzard?

I’ve honestly been too sore to freestyle with all the classes I’ve been forcing myself into but I’m hoping to sneak some time in tomorrow. Maybe some good stretching too!

Stay warm and dry!!

Dear men: here’s how to ruin a date with a pole dancer.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

I’m sure you guys have seen those “ruin a date with an XYZ in 5 words or less” hashtags floating around, and I have SO many thoughts on this, as a pole dancer.

This is a picture of a bitchy-looking christmas tchotchke that says "Noel" but I like how it looks like it says "Noe" kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.
This is a picture of a bitchy-looking Christmas tchotchke that says “Noel” but I like how it looks like it says “Noe” kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.

I was able to jot down one or two or five “infivewords” date-ruiners, but, let me expound on them a little, just for shits and giggles.

Boys who want to date pole dancers, listen up:

1. “Have you ever considered stripping?”

Would you ever ask a girl this on a date?

How about a dancer?

Still no? THEN DO NOT ASK ME.

2. “Why not wear more clothes?”

God, how many times do I need to explain friction.

Also, this is vaguely slut-shamey and I don’t appreciate being put on the defense about how not a whore I am.

3. “Give me a private show!”

See question 1.

4. “Oh wow, so you strip?”

No, why, do you?

5. “My friend’s a stripper too!”

Can’t speak, just knocked myself unconscious by banging my head on the dinner table.

 

Actually let’s simplify this–here’s how to avoid offending a pole dancer:

1. Don’t assume she’s a stripper

2. Don’t assume her style is sexy and that she’ll “dance for you”

3. Don’t put her on the defense based on your assumptions

 

And even better–how to make a pole dancer wildly happy:

1. Ask her friendly, polite questions about dancing that don’t drip with fear and judgement

2. Give her the benefit of the doubt

3. Tell her it looks hard and ask her how a trick you saw once works (WE WILL GEEK OUT SO HARD).

Got something to add?

I especially want to hear it if someone actually said it to you…

POLE PLAY DATE.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

OMG you guys, I had a pole play date!

Turns out, my friend Irene who’s an aerialist (she’s been on 8 apparatuses and counting) and a poler lives somewhat nearby to me! (though honestly, nothing is truly nearby Bay Ridge).

Since she has a photoshoot coming up, she wanted to come by and practice poses. So we had a POLE PLAY DATE (PPD).

I snapped a few pics so she could see which moves were photographing well, but honestly, the slaying-ness is undeniable and I just had to post, poor photo-quality be damned! (I shot these with my iPhone from where I was lazily stretching on the floor)

Check this out, and feel ungraceful by comparison:

She can also flag, so she also taught me how, kind of!

I shocked myself by getting a variation of it on my first try–my legs wanted to go into a stag position and I was feeling it, so I stuck with it. I can also do it with one leg straight, but, it looks less dancery.

The trick is to support your rib cage with your lower arm. You have to create a shelf with your tricep/elbow area to rest your upper body on. Then just hang on tight with the top arm (locking the pole in your armpit) and push away with the bottom one, and amaze yourself by being able to lift your legs. It’s really not as hard as it looks, shockingly).

Ugh, I miss my normal sized ponytail.
Ugh, I miss my normal-sized ponytail.

NB: I sent this picture to my dad, who thought it was a spin (because how else would I hold myself up unless momentum was helping, THANKS FOR HAVING FAITH IN ME DAD).

I wanted my dad to think I was a boss, so I shot this video of the trick while working on the freestyle I promised you guys (no, I didn’t forget!). It’s over on Facebook because I didn’t wanted to get muted/in trouble on YouTube or  Vimeo.

Oh, speaking of freestyling… I shot like 7 or 8 full song videos from the other night. I just hated all of them.

Why? I’m very disappointed in myself with the lack of variety. I think this is a clear sign that I  need to be taking classes at a new studio and expanding my repetoire of moves, because the ones I have are TIRED.

Anyway, I did do like a 10 second or so sequence to a Sam Smith song that I ended up liking, so I’ll include that below.

A word on Sam Smith: I saw the “I’m Not the Only One” video a few weeks back and was absolutely gutted by it. While I was dancing to it, I didn’t really have a word in mind–instead, I was trying to capture that push and pull of a bad relationship: it’s making you miserable, but you need the moments of happiness more than ever because you’re so unhappy. The cure is the poison, etc. (If you know me, you know I have a lot of experience with this.)

If you haven’t already, go watch the video, if only for Chris Messina (moment of silence for the bad boy hotness he has going on here.)

And finally, here’s a clip of me remembering that I hate men:

I actually shot a few takes to this song, but the others are on my iPad after my phone ran out of space. So maybe I’ll find something I like to post later. (Though chances are I will hate literally all of those videos too).

What’s new with you guys? Staying motivated or feeling anti-exercise right now with all the fitness hype in the air?

XOXOXO

Why is it so hard to find good “intermediate” lessons????

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Quick poll: is it just me, or does pole go 0 to 100 REAL QUICK.

Like, there’s intro to pole… then there’s “intermediate” which is people working on their fonjis with no help beyond a spot.

There are a few notable exceptions to this rule: Sacred in Brooklyn is like a, “okay, what does everybody want to work on today?” type studio, and the teachers are fantastic about giving modifications and really checking in with everyone about how they’re feeling with new moves.

Unfortunately, they’re also about an hour and a half away from me (it’s so hard to get TO brooklyn FROM brooklyn… don’t even get me started), and they only have like 4 poles, so there’s that. ECP was great too, but now defunct.

So long story short, I’ve been trying to go to THE INDUSTRY STANDARD studio (y’all know who), but I have a serious, serious bone to pick with their class structures.

Here’s the deal: I have legit been taking level 1 class there for a year–despite doing all kinds of upside down, handstandy stuff at my previous studios.

This is 100% because every time I think I’m ready to try a level two class, we’re immediately given a routine involving shit I have no idea how to do or physically can’t do yet, like aerial inverts.

Since level 1 doesn’t offer any invert instruction (strictly right-side-up, which is totally understandable since it’s level 1), I have no idea where I’m supposed to learn technique or condition for the stuff the level 2 class is already doing.

After trying over and over and over again to get through these classes (surviving is really the word to describe it), breaking down yet again in the bathroom immediately afterwards, I decided to bite the bullet and ask for guidance from the authority on how the studio works: the studio.

I went to the front desk and said, “Hey, is there a time when like… level two starts from the beginning? Am I going at the wrong part of a lesson cycle or something? Pls hlp.”

Here’s the great thing: THEY GIRLS AT THE DESK WERE SO NICE. I wasn’t expecting that because a lot of people at this particular studio are not very approachable. Again, if you’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the ridiculous part: they agreed with everything I said and had no advice for me, other than a list of teachers to actively avoid because “they don’t really teach.” They also said that a lot of level 3 and level 4 people take level 2 classes for shits and giggles, so they don’t really need the instruction, and that’s why the teacher tends to skip it.

😐

Again, cannot stress how nice and helpful and cool these chicks were. But like, for the studio… that’s really not okay.

Especially considering the insane amount of money these classes cost, and their reputation for teaching proper technique.

I should also add that many of the teachers I’ve taken class with get a look like somebody farted when you ask a question about something. Again, not all–in fact, my level one teachers have mostly been fabulous. But if you’re not going to teach me, and I have to embarrass myself by asking for the extra help, do you really need to ALSO look put out by helping me? Really?

I have a class card to use up, but once that’s finished I think I’m basically done there.

Meanwhile, as a teacher, here’s an open question for the people working at this studio:

Why are you teaching if you don’t seem to like… teaching?

It’s obvious that some people at this studio are teachers because they are excellent dancers, not because they enjoy helping people learn. Sorry, but it’s true. I picked this up from super subtle context clues such as not making eye contact with anyone in class, ignoring struggling students, and copping an attitude when asked questions (even when the questions are in response to you asking “Any questions?”).

(As a teacher I want to add this note: BITCH PLEASE, this is YOUR CLASS. Your students are desperate to please you and do well. Why don’t you want to help them???? I just don’t understand this attitude from instructors at all. But then, I’m not an award-winning dancer, so.)

Am I alone in feeling like this?

Am I being a crybaby and a beyotch?

RABBLE RABBLE.

At this point I will definitely skip the pole idol worship and instead take lessons from someone who doesn’t dance particularly well, but understands the mechanics of a move, and is happy to explain them–even if it means over and over, in different ways until something clicks.

Because that’s what teaching is.

Quick example of someone who I think is killing it on the teaching front, albeit via tutorial videos: Dr. Ken Kao.

Do I have the conditioning yet for a one-arm hang on a spin pole? Probably not. But do feel like I totally understand the technique/physics of how it works for when I’m ready? Fuck yes.

Gold star, dude.

Pole resolutions? Also: FREE GRIP GLOVES.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Here’s mine: I want to start uploading a freestyle vid a week, with different prompts, for the rest of the month!

Do you guys ever do that exercise? You use a word like “heavy” or a body party like “hands” to focus on, and use it as an intention. It’s fun!

Anyway, there’s that, and I want to start incorporating flex classes back into my routine.

Goals for the year: right side splits, aerial invert (pretty sure this is the same one from last year, whoops), and graduating to the next level in my pole classes.

What’s your big resolution?grip gloves

And would anybody like a pair of grip gloves? They’re size small and tacky (ie. meant for inverts or poses, not spinning), Might Grip brand. They work fine, but I think I prefer bare hands. They look like dis, in black ======>

Let me know via the “contact” button up above! If I get more than one request I’ll draw names out of a hat or something.

PS. CHOPPED MY HAIR. Anybody else goinshort hair don't careg through some ch-ch-changes for the New Year?

Happy 2015!

Jokes we made when my mom had a kidney infection

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

I was searching through my Google documents for something, and this title: “Jokes We Made During My Mother’s Kidney Infection.”

If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll remember that my mom was very sick last January.

Well, my family isn’t really accustomed to serious stuff. Not to jinx us, but, we’re a pretty tough bunch, and we haven’t had anything too terrible happen to us until this. My mom hadn’t even been in a hospital since being in the maternity ward to have my little sister. So, we were pretty shaken up.

dad eating a flashlight
Dad entertaining Julia

As true Kellys, though, (my dad’s Irish side of the family), we joked our way through the crisis. Especially once  we knew what the problem was (my mom was very, very sick for about 12 hours before they figured out it was a kidney stone and infection). It’s easier to laugh when you know things will be okay.

I remember being on the train on the way back to New York, happy that my mom was better, but truly shaken up by everything that had happened. I didn’t want to actively recall anything frightening–like seeing my mom cry for the first time in years, because she was in so much pain. But I did want to write down details. I wanted to remember, so I could stay in the state of enlightenment I was in, which the realization that my family is precious, and that I wouldn’t have them forever… that the feeling of permanence and security I’ve always viewed my family with is actually… not permanent and secure.

So I wrote down the jokes we told each other.

You’d probably have to know my family for any of these jokes to be funny. You’d need to know that my dad says outrageous things just for effect. And that my mom is very reserved and school teacher, and never swears.

You’d need to know that my mom tries to be low-maintenance, but that my dad is pretty much helpless when she tries to give him a simple task, and that quietly drives her crazy. You’d need to know that my mom always, always finds something to worry about in my life for me.

Anyway, these cracked me up, I wanted to share:

——

Jokes We Made During My Mother’s Kidney Infection

 

Dad and Uncle Bob pretending to be serious
Dad and Uncle Bob pretending to be serious

Mom to Uncle Bob: “Did you find your way around the hospital okay?”

Uncle Bob: “Oh yeah, Linda and I have been here before. We ate at the cafeteria for dinner once.”

Mom: “Oh, who were you visiting?”

Uncle Bob: “Nobody. But they’ve got spaghetti and meatballs, two dollars a plate!”

Mom: “You just came here for dinner?”

Uncle Bob: “Carol, two people can eat for four dollars.”

 

Dad to Mom about getting her stent removed: “You don’t need an appointment for that. I’ve got a vice grip at home.’

 

Drumming
Drumming

Dad, in the cafeteria: “What if this happened while we were snowshoeing? Wouldn’t that be terrible? I’d have to carry your mother out of the woods. I’d have to tie our snow shoes together and strap her to it like a sled, and pull her out of the woods!”

Rachel: “That’s really dramatic, dad.”

 

Mom, in a text message: “Don’t bring me any food from dinner, everything tastes like mud.”

Dad, in a text message: “Well how about some mud then? Just a big plate of mud.”

 

Me to mom about the multiple yellow vases her flowers came in: “I hope you like yellow!”

"Playing croquet"
My dad “playing croquet”

Dad: “Of course she does, it reminds her of her urinary tract!”

 

Dad to Mom, in her gurney on the 2nd floor: “How did you get up here?”

Mom: “We took the stairs.”

 

Dad, about the woman talking loudly behind us in the cafeteria: “Let’s get the waiter.  Oh waiter! I’d like to purchase that woman a hot steaming mug of shut up!”

 

Mom to Dad, about how he drinks soda and coffee but no water, and didn’t get kidney stones, and how unfair that is: “I mean, it’s not exactly like I’d wish this on you or anything…”

Dad: “This is how we know you’re getting better, you’re a pain in my ass again.”

 

Mom: “This bed is like a deluxe coffin.”dad being himself

Rachel: “…Mom!”

 

Mom about the nurse who suggested she watch The Bachelor: “Who wants to see that show? It’s always a bitch and a bastard.”

Me: “Mom!”

Mom: “What? It is.”

 

Dad, to me: “I can’t sleep without your mother. I’m having the craziest dreams. Last night I dreamed that this old hippy guy with a ponytail I used to work with came to the house and I let him in and he started yelling, “You don’t know what it’s like out there for people like me!”

“And then your mother stuffed his mouth with those pull tabs from tax envelopes and put his head between the two couches like a vice and sat on him.”

Me: “What the hell, dad…”

Dad: “I need your mother around, she’s got that prison training*!”

(*Note: my mom is a schoolteacher in a prison)

 

Mom, waking up from a dead sleep when I’m quietly talking to Dad about my new job: “You mean you haven’t been flashlight in dads facepaid yet?”

Me: “Mom, we weren’t even talking about that. Are you worrying about me in the hospital right now?”

Mom: “Never mind that—you haven’t been paid for a month?!”

 

Everyone: “Mom… I know you’re really sick and all, but your hair looks fantastic.”

 

Dad, once we’re home: “I’m going to make your bed up for you with fresh sheets! Which ones would you like?”

Mom: “Oh anything.”

Dad: “Which ones? The yellow?”

Mom: “Sure, the mustard yellow knit. Anything.”

Dad, walking in with sheets: “These it?”

Mom: “That’s not the knit, it’s the percale!”

Dad: “I don’t know what percale is!”

 

Dad to Mom’s doctor in the ER: “You should know, we had the same meal last night.”

Doctor: “…it’s not that.”

 

Okay that’s everything, copy and pasted directly from the word document I wrote it in in January. Hope you don’t think we’re all terrible people!! (We probably are).

I meant this to be a post about my mom, but writing it down, I realized it’s actually about how I don’t know how I would ever get through anything like this again without my dad keeping everyone laughing.

#family

NYC, 1998
NYC, 1998

I hate you, Marion Crampe.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

French people ruin EVERYTHING.

This is Marion Crampe.

"Photo:

You’ve probably seen her dancing. She’s pretty active on social media and other people LOVE her, so she gets shared a lot.

I was one of these people, many times.

Until, in a pole class, doing yet another “broken doll” pose to sad White People Music (WPM) while flinging my body around dramatically (with toes pointed, natch), I realized pole has changed, and it’s all Marion Crampe’s fault.

Like, okay, not ALL her fault. But at least 40%.

Guys, I’m not having fun anymore. It’s something that slapped me in the face in the middle of a choreography class while doing still more “desperate” poses, hunched gallops, and pretending to push the pole away.

This is not fun.

It’s painful (flinging yourself into a chrome pole in a dramatic fashion hurts), it’s way too serious, and it’s hitting the same note over and over and over and over again.

We are not all Marion Crampe. We do not all look good in broken doll poses (anyone over 102 pounds can relate to this, I’m sure–“awkward” only looks good on tiny people). And further more, we’re not all contortionists and gymnasts. Marion Crampe does not share this believe. This is a photo she shared this on Facebook the other day, just to underscore my point.

Um, but there should be a difference, because I’m not a rhythmic gymnast.

I guess I’m not sure where I fit in pole-wise right now. I’m not really suited to stripper-style studios (pole being all about booty claps and impressively wide leg spreads feels just as poseur to me as pretending to be Marion Crampe), but clearly, the classes I’m taking right now are just not right for me anymore. I think it’s time to admit this myself and move on, instead of going to yet another class and gritting my teeth through it.

I do know one aspect of what I’m looking for: I want to dance at a studio where dancing feels good. I feel like I’m being told to ignore pain way too often at the studios I’m visiting, and for what?

I didn’t share this with you guys because at the time (about two months ago), I was beating myself up for not being able to catch onto the choreography well enough. This was a different style (re: not Marion Crampe), but the focus is still on dramatic extremes and the expense of… not being bruised and floor burned. At the time of the class, I was still struggling with back pain, and I spoke to the teacher about this–she said she understood and was nice about it–but, you can see from the choreo she had planned that there really wasn’t a way to modify it to make it more gentle. I’m not even doing half of the moves because I lost my split and my back was just NOT permitting that push up-body slam thing. Multiple people looked upset and discouraged and were complaining that the routine was very painful (especially for those of us without socks), but, it was what it was. There was also a sequence of just like, 20 seconds of pirouettes and I couldn’t do that either. This whole thing pretty much made me want to whimper.

And another thing: I’m sensing a kind of internal contempt at these places between students. I feel like this is symptomatic of an atmosphere where we’re all told to power through pain and discomfort for the sake of aesthetics (which seems strange to me, because who’s watching exactly? where is this critical eye like Sauron demanding we skin our knees?).

As much as I hate yoga (I really, really hate yoga), I think they have the right idea when it comes to individual practice. Everybody has to do things at their own pace, and they should. We’re not all Marion Crampe. And trying to be is making a lot of us miserable.

Anyway, shout out to Marion, you’re freakishly good at what you do.

I’m just hoping there’s room in the pole world for the rest of us.

Until then, I think I’m going to keep bellydancing. We had a show last night and I had an absolute BLAST.

I’m 28 years old and I got my nose pierced.

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

My beauty routine now involved wetting a q-tip and polishing the stone after I powder my face.

photo 2

It’s cute though, right?

I should note that I only got this because, on a trip to the mall to get my glasses adjusted (an appropriate activity for someone who is almost thirty), my little sister announced that we were making a pit stop to get her nose pierced. And she did (she’s 25… I protested a little, but hey, she’s an adult and it’s her face). The thing is… it looked so cute that I got mine done on the spot.

Spoiler alert: it does not feel like a “little pinch” to get your nose pierced.

It feels like a metal rod is being pushed through your cartilage, and it takes several excruciating seconds.

Nobody told me that it wouldn’t hurt, but, ya know, I figured I’m Pole Strong (TM) so it wouldn’t bother me. Lol yeah it hurt so bad.

Again, cute though, right? I was thinking that I would immediately regret it, but actually, I’m in love. It’s pretty (SPARKLES) but a little edgy, just like me. The edgy part anyway.

Okay okay, so here’s some obligatory Thanksgiving pictures of The Baby,  who now says the word “Cat” which I’ll go ahead and assume is an attempt at Cathy (IN YO FACE, “mama” and “dada”!)

Please note her exasperation with my sister’s posing as she waits for more yogurt to enter her face. This kid. Love her.

photo 3photo 5

…MOAR YOGURT.

Everybody have a good thanksgiving? Are we all getting appropriately, seasonally fat?

Here’s a song I just found and can’t wait to try on the pole, ps–acoustic version of Running, Jessie Ware. DAMN can this woman sing.

My belly dance troupe at Rakkasah East!

Posted on by Cathy Vandewater

Some spacing issues buuuuut, not bad for how nervous we were! 😀

Really excited for the next show because our new choreo is inspired by the gang (lite) movie The Warriors, and our custom is basically tribal fusion street wear (re: black pants and BASEBALL CAPS, wheeeee). Of course I was thrilled about this because it’s just the excuse I needed to own snapback… which I immediately bought from a street vendor two blocks away from the studio on the way home from rehearsal. THAT IS HOW EXCITED I WAS TO BUY A SNAPBACK.

snapback 1 snapback 2

It feels really good to finally own some Brooklyn swag because I’ve earned it. This fall marks my 8th anniversary in BK… and I have yet to live in Williamsburg, Prospect Park, or Park Slope! (So far it’s been Bed Stuy (2 places), Clinton Hill, Fort Greene (but like, the bad side of Myrtle), Sunset Park/Borough Park (where I famously got groped), and finally, Bay Ridge).

Oh, this is off topic, but ALSO on my home last night (after my snapback purchase) I saw this severely-injured looking mannequin at a TopShop in Soho. Like, what happened here?

It’s not 1994 anymore, why are we still seeing Skeletors in store windows? Just saying.

mannequin

mannequin 2

And to further cement this post’s status as Most Scattered Blog of All Time, did everybody see the Black Friday sale happening at Body and Pole?

I don’t know about you guys, but I really can’t afford their normal $40/1.5 hour class rate, so I am ALL OVER IT.

Also, out of towners–they do “staycation” packages where you can train as much as you want during a weeklong visit, and THAT is on sale too. Worth looking into!

XOXOXO