kelly clarkson

OMG I just saw Alethea Austin’s casually awesome new vid on YouTube, and it got me wanting to shake up my dance style.

Current style: Soft, pretty, a little slinky, lyrical-ish with a bit of stank on it (ie: booooootay, in small doses).

Not-my-style-but-I’m-considering-it: Badass, bawdy, agressive. Or maybe emo-dramatic. Or just balls out flexy, sexy, bling blang bloww.

She was scaring people by jumping on couches BEFORE Tom Cruise. — Street cred: she was jumping on couches BEFORE Tom Cruise.

(I’m going to stop now because I’m making up words).

The thing is, I think I’m scared to try stuff from these “style categories” because, pole is pretty shocking to people as it is. Dare I be aggressive? Overtly sexual? Dramatic? In ADDITION to being on a pole? Oh my gosh, I don’t know. That’s… a lot.

Setting aside pole for a second, here’s what I associate with different kinds of “Might Scare People A Little” sexiness:

Exhibit A: Confrontational Sexy

Remember Scary Spice? Who I found shocking and confusing, as a child? She was always sticking her tongue out like Miley Cyrus and wearing shiny, uncomfortable looking outfits! (Actually, that might have been all of the Spice Girls). And in hindsight, it was probably a little racist that they made the only black spice girl the abrasive one that “scared people.” 😐 I need to think about this.

Exhibit B: Depressed Sexy

All those creepy, sad, emo girls in rock videos circa the oughts. They’re all strung out and thin and pale, and self destructive, and possible already dead! Ahhh! Spooky! And also very de sex? I guess? Depending what you’re into? I’m exclusively referring to the Breaking Benjamin “Diary of Jane” video.

Exhibit C: DGAF Sexy

Kelly Clarkson, just, throughout that whole My December period, rolling around in the mud in a wedding gown. Because everyone knows angry hot girls are TERRIFYING. This also includes women who are sexy, but like, for themselves? They don’t really care if you’re feelin’ it, because THEY are feelin’ it? Alethea, Pantera… lookin’ at you ladies.

Anyway, if you were going to be emo/rock’n’roll/heroin chic for a dance, what kind of music would you play?

I was REALLY feeling Alethea’s music, so this is my shiny new NIN pole playlist:

1. I’m Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally

I’ve actually danced to this before–but not on the pole! Bastet did a super creepy duo belly dance to this back in the day. I can’t help picturing lots of rolls and chest pops to it. It’s a very grind-friendly song.

2. Everyday is Exactly the Same

I know I’ve included this in another playlist somewhere, but, it’s worth re-mentioning.

3. All the Love in the World

This one’s creepy and slooooooow.

4. With Teeth

This song is dark, but weirdly boppy and energizing. DIG.

5. The Lines Begin to Blur

ANGRY pole music. You need tall, scary shoes for this.

6. God Given

This one takes a little time to get going, it’s really cool and almost techno-pop-sounding.

7. Capital G

Pretty baby with the hiiiigh heels on… oh wait, different song.

Did everybody have a good Halloween? Piiiiics of your costume or it didn’t happen.

HT/HH,

Cathy

So, you guys apparently LOVE sad pole dance songs. Do y’all need a hug? 😦

I was in the car with my lil sis for many hours this weekend, listening to her Kelly Clarkson and Ne-Yo cds, and I heard some surprisingly awesome stuff (that’s also nice and family friendly, as opposed to all the French Montana, The Weeknd, and Drake I’ve been dancing to).

It could just be that her car has huge subwoofer things that make EVERYTHING sound epic, but wow, some of these songs were hittin’ my ears mighty fine, and I was doing some mental choreography for much of the trip.

Anyway, because you guys are all frantically searching “heartbreak pole songs” (yes, I check these things), let’s indulge in another sad playlist! Wheee!

This one is special though: this is special dance prescriptions for all of your I-Just-Got-Dumped needs. I got you, okay? Just keep dancing. We’ll get through this.

1. Kelly Clarkson, Addicted

I wish I were more of a polerina because I would Jenyne Butterfly the SHIT out of this.

For dancing through: utter helplessness whilst treading water in the deep end of your feelings. Just wait till you hear that beat drop…

2. Ne-Yo, Back to What You Know

Good “I FEEL BITTER” song.

For dancing through: feeling superior and above all this ish, duh!

3. Omarion Ft. Wale, M.I.A.

Revenge song.

For dancing through: break up? What break up? Fuck it, I don’t care!

4. Omarion, Ice Box

SPEAKING OF OMARION. Come on, I know this is old, but it’s a killer.

For dancing through: your need to psychologically dissect all the shittiness. (Don’t bother, you’ll never understand).

5. Jessie Ware, Running

This song makes me want to punch myself in the face. But that’s for personal reasons.

For dancing through: that freefall feeling when you run into him and lock eyes. And then you walk away thinking, “Back to square fucking one…”

6. Maroon 5, Misery

Upbeat despair!

For dancing through: when it’s been a few days and you can’t stand love songs, but you’re ready to put away the Taylor Swift for a while.

7. Maroon 5, One More Night

More Maroon 5, for the inevitable relapse.

For dancing through: your sexual needs. DON’T GO CRAWLING BACK THOUGH, OKAY.

8. LeToya Ft. Ludacris, Regret

“You left the best you had, baby don’t look so mad”

For dancing through: self-righteous outrage.

9. Diddy Dirty Money, Loving You No More

Awww, even Diddy can’t buy his way out of feeling crappy.

For dancing through: Reminding yourself of all the garbage you’ve been through. Yup, can’t really do this again after all.

10. Corinne Bailey Rae, Enchantment

Ugh, it’s so HARD to be responsible for your actions.

For dancing through: I CAN’T HELP MYSELF.

Bonus: Take Me In Your Arms, The Isley Brothers

Okay, you DEFINITELY can’t pole dance to this, and it’s kind of a pre-break up song, but it came on my ipod last night and I loved it, so, here ya go.

Take care of yourselves ladies! As my mom would tell you, you are WONDERFUL, don’t forget it. (She also likes to say “be the one that got away,” but that’s easier said than done). Love you mom! I’m being careful with inversions!

Also, come take my class tomorrow and if you look sad or break-uppy I will TOTALLY give you a hug. 6:30-8pm, and be prepared for some crunches. (The best revenge is looking fabulous, am I right?)

HT,