fantasia

I legit feel like I just woke up from a coma.

So, for the past couple of months, I was sorta kinda a little bit falling on my ass for this guy I work with.

With a girlfriend.

I KNOW.

I’m not really the cheating type so it was mostly just talking, a lot, but that didn’t really stop me from being a big dumb idiot with 3 kinds of obsessive thoughts, on a loop:

1. “OMG HE’S SO GREAT.”

2. “OMG THIS IS SO BAD.”

3. “OMG LET ME LISTEN TO MY IPOD AND DAYDREAM ALTERNATELY ABOUT HOW GREAT HE IS AND HOW BAD I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF FOR DOING THIS.”

(BONUS: “omg I should totally send him this song I’m listening to so he can know my feeeeeeeeeeeelings.”)

Did you throw up yet?

I did, a little.

Anyway, it’s all over now. I wanted to do things legit or not at all, and he was all, “LETS MAKE A DEAL”… the deal being, in his words, “I can give you 100% of me, part of the time.” (….<—-DAFUQ?!! Why would I ever sign up for that? I don’t do drugs, sir.)

So after about 48 hours of crying, I woke up this morning, totally fine, and looked around. And I thought… wait, what have I been doing with my time?

I haven’t written anything in months (and this is supposed to be my life calling).

I haven’t touched my pole.

I haven’t blogged. (But you already know this).

I haven’t even grocery shopped, judging by the carton of expired eggs in my fridge and NOTHING ELSE in there.

What I have been doing: TEXTING TEXTING TEXTING MOPING TEXTING TEXTING PLANNING MY WORK OUTFITS.

Jesus. Anyway, I’m suddenly horrified at how much time I’ve lost, so it’s time to get back on the dang wagon called OH WAIT I HAVE A LIFE, DURR.

(Sorry for all the capital letters, this is an emotional time, guys).

So, GOALS:

1. Several hours a week on the pole.

2. Spare time spent NOT at home looking at my phone (so, either gym or studio).

3. Something fun and interesting to cross train with (I’m thinking hoop maybe… or yoga, to get my inflexible ass slightly more flexible again).

Mainly, I just want to remember that there was a time I was doing all my awesome life stuff for ME… not to impress some douchebag who already has a girlfriend.

I want to kill it on the pole, I want fresh photos, I want to work out some choreo I can pull out when I feel like showing off, I want videos on youtube… I want to feel proud of myself again.

FTS. Back to me.

Anyway, I’m not going to lie, I’m totally still moping, so here are some awesome “FUCK DATING” songs to pole to. I know I certainly will.

1. Doin Me, Fantasia

This song is a nice mix of ass-kicking and positive. Also, “No more crying, going through hell–it’s so good, I’m loving myself”… this song makes me feel so much better.

2. Me, Myself and I, Beyonce

Okay so I’ve decided that what I’m doing is just quoting the line in the song that makes me tear up/instantly feel a little better: “Yeah, you hurt me but i learned a lot along the way/After all the rain you’ll see the sun come out again.” I hope so, Beyonce. I hope so.

3. Bad, Wale (Featuring Tiara Thomas)

This song makes feeling bitter seem cool. Also, it’s sufficiently sexy to pole to without being sex-positive enough that you get depressed over your lack of boneage. (Listen, this is the best the descriptions are getting today, go with it).

4. I Should Have Cheated, Keyshia Cole

KC, girl, you kill me. Please keep writing songs and singing them in a manner that makes me weep and feel stronger at the same time.

5. Switch, TLC

A reminder that if all else fails, you can always “switch and take his friend.”

Another pearl of wisdom: “I can’t trust a relationship with no trust and that’s a fact.”

Don’t take no mess from nobody, ladies. TLC says so.

Happy twirls! (and relationships, and work lives, and everything else it’s important to keep up too)

~Cathy