inner thighs

OOOOOOH jesus.

So I read a piece today about this woman who bemoaned her young daughter’s future struggle with body issues, including a recent trend among youngins’ to seek the elusive thigh gap.

This bitch wrote like 3,000 words about why thigh gap shouldn’t be a thing.

Which I respect, but sometimes, paying attention to something retarded makes it more of a thing than it really deserves to be.

So, I did something I really wish I didn’t do: I got curious and Googled “Thigh Gap.”

You guys, there are entire Tumblrs dedicated to stick-ass legs. And e-How guides to achieving them. And blogs where girls cry over NOT having stick ass legs, and describe their self loathing and desire to kill themselves over it.

And all I can think is… really??????? DOES ANYBODY REALLY CARE ABOUT THE SPACE BETWEEN LEGS THIS SO MUCH?

Ladies, your bodies are not decorative. Do not seek out a 10-step plan to starve down parts of your body for a “desired look” (apparently a 1-inch gap is serviceable but a 2-inches is really the money); do not stare longingly at 14 year old Hungarian supermodels, hating your life because you are not gaunt Euro jail bait. Do not avoid physical activity because strong quads will ruin your aesthetic (which I can only assume is “scarecrow” or “baby horse).” These are all things that will ruin your happiness and squander your happy young time. Come on. Don’t do that.

Also, nobody’s looking at your goddamned legs, unless you are in Mean Girls, in which case, make your priority finding some new friends. And hobbies. Because “achieving thigh gap” is not going to be a thing you look back on fondly while reflecting on your life. Like, “God, I’m so glad that when I was 16 I ate carrot sticks for 2 weeks and FINALLY got that thigh gap going.” <====thing you will never think on your death bed.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

Okay, okay, I feel better now. Here’s a picture of me hanging by my legs and holding a bottle of Dry Hands for no reason. Because recliners are probably impossible with out that wonderful, squishy inner thigh fat. So let’s celebrate it a little, okay? It’s God-given, and you can hang upside down by it. Boss.

Happy twirls! (And squats… and eating)

Cathy