elbow hold

Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I must have forgotten that this is New York City, and that a pole audition would mean some of the best polers on the planet.

This occurred to me (how serious the competition would be) on the subway this morning, and got so nervous on the way to my audition that I had to jump off the train a stop early and nervous-pee at JC Penney.

I wish I could I could tell you my fears were unfounded, but, they weren’t. I walked in the room and there was a girl doing a center split and another chick on the pole in an elbow-hold Ayesha. It took all my willpower not to bow my head, grab my bag, and slip right back outta there.

But I, took a few deep breaths, resigned myself to possible humiliation, and stayed. While we were warming up before the free dance, the other girls hopped on the pole and did tricks that are way, way beyond my reach. But–and here’s the advantage to being second to last in line–I noticed that as the other girls began freedancing, the ones with the best  tricks were the least proficient in flow.

And, you guys, flow is my jam. THIS IS HOW I CAN DISTINGUISH MYSELF, I thought.

So, when it was my turn, I did what I knew, and what I knew I could rock. I avoided a few flashy tricks that I’d just learned because I knew nerves and a lack of muscle memory (plus some seriously dry air and a cold pole) would thwart me. I listened to the music, tossed my hair and threw myself into my spins (which the other girls were skipping in lieu of poses). I got so into it that it caught me by surprise when the song was over. And then I heard some lovely words: “Very nice fluidity!”

I didn’t quite match up with the best of the best, trick-wise, but I think I stood out in my own way. 

No officially word yet on whether I got “it” (more on what “it” is later), but, I feel pretty good about holding myself together in the face of some serious intimidation. 

I think my takeaway is, don’t let what other people can do make you feel less-than. We all have something special to offer. 

And it also brings me back to my answer to one of the interview questions today, on why I love pole: it’s because, no matter what level you’re at, you can make what you’re doing look BEAUTIFUL. If all you’re doing is walking, it’s entirely possible to do it fabulously. And you fucking SHOULD. Life is too short, mang.

Anyway, cross your fingers form me and take a chance this week, in my honor. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Happy, beautiful twirls,

Cathy