chair dancing – The Spin Diaries: Your Guide to Everything Pole and Aerial

DISCLAIMER: this post has nothing to do with pole.

You guys, I am single as fuck.

Being a pole dancer AND belly dancer (SHOW NEXT WEEK), and just starting chair dancing (more on that another time) means that I’m currently in the best shape of my life, feeling awesome and smexy, and also that I’m spending 99.99% of my free time with women.

So, being that I’m straight as fuck in addition to being single as fuck, my life leaves a bit to be desired. No offense ladies, you’re amazing. Just. I need testosterone. Badly.

Speaking of hormones, I legit think I’m radiating some kind of chemical or something lately. I’ve made more smoldering subway eye contact in the past few months than I’ve made in 6 years of riding the train. But, ya know, I’m shy so I always crack up and run off with out saying hi or anything. Not an effective tactic.

My perfect man: Jemaine Clement, from Flight of the Conchords. He’s married. OF FUCKING COURSE.

And the guys I work with are great (confession: I have a crush on one that’s so bad that I’m incapable of looking directly at him, ever), but, they’re all in LTRs, so, yeah. Slap on the wrist for me. Down, girl.

I would beg all of you to find me my perfect guy, but dude, I have no idea. I don’t date a lot (I have to really like a guy as a person/friend to even go there in my brain, most of the time), but when I do, it’s… eclectic. A Russian mathematician. An Italian financial analyst. A West Indian (St. Lucia, holla!) IT guy. And now I find myself randomly drawn to Asian guys, and I’m still holding out for a writer (*swoon*). ??? I know, I know, dafuq is wrong with this girl, right?

Anyway. I’m just bummed out because I know I have to be the right girl for somebody. But I’m really shy, and even if guys approach me I get so nervous I have to just shut it down. Yeah I know, I’m hopeless.

And–confession time again!–I’m also very scared. I was checking an old email account and I found a draft I never sent this guy that I was soooo in love with, who alternated between sending me beautiful love notes and then ignoring me for weeks at a time.

I still kinda hate myself for getting sucked into that (for like 2 years), but reading my own words, I feel really sorry for me circa 2008. I was very trusting that this guy had good intentions, and I kept trying to work things out in ridiculous and painful conditions, and, I’m scared that I’m totally still that person. Which means, hey pain! Let’s hang out!

Anyway, how did you guys meet your boyfriends? Do they have nice brothers or cousins?

Please dear god, help. So. Fucking. Single.

Anyway, here’s a Portishead song.